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Contumacious Expectations

To disregard set boundaries creates unnecessary chaos

By CadmaPublished 11 months ago 5 min read

The contumacious expectations to disregard another person’s boundary as a conscious decision speak volumes of one’s soul. Forgiveness does not require the forgiving party to demonstrate it based on the offensive’s expectations. Liking an individual does not require the individual to forfeit their boundaries and provide a obsequious bow to the other party’s expectation; bulldozing over those factors is mere coercion to obtain what they want regardless of the boundary set in place.

All forms of relationships from family, friend, lover or foe can be healthy relationships when applying consistency, reciprocity, open honest respectful communication and dialogue and acceptance of the other party. These are the baseline requirements to obtain healthy relationships. If one dislike’s another person, disrespect is not required; it is impossible to like everyone but that does not mean one has to go out of their way to disrespect them either. Respect goes a very long way in all forms of relationships and it is amazing how simple the actions of it can clear up problems or the potentiality of them.

Family, lovers and friends are often the violators of boundaries with an expectation that due to bloodline ties that it is a God given right to violate boundaries of an individual; especially when referencing incorrectly “blood is thicker than water”. When in reality Heinrich der Glîchezære stated “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” The saying means that chosen bonds are more significant than the bonds with family or “water of the womb.” Meaning the relationships you make yourself are far more important than the ones that you don't choose. Too complacent to avoid applying the effort of respecting one’s boundaries. Respecting another person’s boundaries speaks volumes of the person acting upon it.

Can we know everyone’s boundary? No, impossible; but with open honest respectful communication one can learn a lot and then genuinely apologize to move forward. Perhaps the individual may not forgive you for the crossing; but it is within their right to do so. If your response is anger then you are the one that must self reflect.

My closest of friends will have conversations with me and when a boundary is crossed; we discuss it. If I am the offensive party, I apologize and explain my intentions and let them know I hear them; because I respect them. I can be too forward and I am aware of that; but that does not mean I will consciously and intentionally disrespect others. It’s not a “snowflake” thing; it is about respect at the end of the day. I also do not carry mal intentions towards others unless threatened or in danger; and the people I frequent generally understand that. If I am ever being disrespectful, it is due to someone intentionally being disrespectful more than once; and even then there are levels. I’m not perfect but I strive to be a better human everyday.

I have no qualms with removing people who confidently attempt to steam roll over my boundaries while wishing them the best life; away from me. No mal intent; just simply walking away from anything that can brew additional problems. Life is difficult as it is; no need to complicate.

When approaching someone for romantic or sexual intent, if the individual says “no” and they are not interested; incessantly complaining “you don’t like me” as under the breathe comments demonstrates lack of respect of the boundary set in place. It is unnecessary behavior and speaks volumes to who you are. Again, liking an individual does not require the individual to forfeit their boundaries and provide a obsequious bow to the other party’s expectation; bulldozing over those factors is mere coercion to obtain what they want regardless of the boundary set in place. This creates additional unnecessary complications with one person determined to obtain what they want without regard of the other person, and sometimes that other person is scared of confrontation; and sometimes that other person is me and will match the rambunctious reciprocity. Some may say, oh it’s probably because of their past; not an excuse. It is each individual’s job to improve themselves and not punish other people for their experiences; get therapy and find out why you’re so intent on bulldozing over someone else’s boundary.

I had a gentleman approach me and the first time he was let down easy, and he attempted a second time and this time I was stern; which lead to a puerile reaction of anger and rude behavior. I chose not to interact with them to minimize complications at work. His new goal was to approach me when I had a few drinks with friends; ahhh there goes that mal intent to get what they want regardless of the boundary set in place. The consistently made remarks of how little I liked them as if my heart would feel guilty and try to prove myself to them that I did; even though I have not disrespected them I simply politely said “no”. They are at least being consistent but the relationship as humans lacks reciprocity of respecting my boundary, lacks open honest respectful communication & dialogue and lacks acceptance; this is a recipe of a unhealthy relationship as coworkers and what could have been a relationship as good friends. Work can make things complicated in trying disengage but it is highly doable.

I have family that expects forgiveness based on their requirements with no regard of my boundary. I can easily go “no contact” if they choose to cross me; which I have communicated respectfully. Again, Heinrich der Glîchezære stated “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” The saying means that chosen bonds are more significant than the bonds with family or “water of the womb.” Meaning the relationships you make yourself are far more important than the ones that you don't choose. I forgave them for their actions and as far as I am concerned “it is what it is”. I choose not to dwell on it so we both can move forward in life. I under no circumstances feel obligated to maintain a relationship; I am simply choosing to do so but I will also disengage just as easily.

Relationships could be so much easier when applying consistency, reciprocity, open honest respectful communication and dialogue, and acceptance. Parties do not always have to agree but the parties should be able to have a conversation; and sometimes if it does not work out you can always part ways as friends even if those friends no longer engage each other.

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About the Creator

Cadma

A sweetie pie with fire in her eyes

Instagram @CurlyCadma

TikTok @Cadmania

Www.YouTube.com/bittenappletv

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Comments (1)

  • C.S LEWIS11 months ago

    great work why cant you join my friends and read what I have just prepared for you

CadmaWritten by Cadma

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