Confessions of a Ghostwriter

It has been years since I had written anything.

I used to write all the time. In fact, I would bring my Omni note books to school so that I could write in them between classes and sometimes I would stay up late into the night writing. I would create fictional stories for my mind to escape into. I created worlds that would devour me so much I would dream about the characters.

However, that was in school. I am now 30 and have been out of school for some time now, not necessarily by my own design, but there you have it. I am now consumed by the adult world of caring for my family, working to keep a roof over our head and food on our plate, and not getting any sleep simply because I run out of time in the day to do anything I really want to do. Too many things come first.

Well last year I decided to spend some time writing again. It was the first step that brought me to realizing that I wasn't who I thought I was anymore. It pointed out that I had fallen away from the person I was becoming in high school and once I started writing I realized I had abandoned my stories, they hadn't abandoned me.

But I really needed to boost my writing. Eventually I would love to become a published author. I want to see my name on that pristine spine of a soft cover on the shelf at Barnes and Noble. I would love to hear one of those amazing voice actors at Audible read my work. That's the dream and it is alive again in a big way.

So I decided that it would be nice to branch out into other forms of writing and was inspired to join Upwork, which if you have never heard of it, it's an amazing place where writers can bid for jobs that people need done. I have seen everything from re-writing a letter to a loved one to proofreading and editing. It can be very difficult to get into though as everyone can apply and it can be overwhelming, even disheartening at times, but if you hang in there, there is something for everyone.

I got my first job writing a story based on an interview, which was fairly easy. From there I applied to everything and anything I thought I might be able to do. I almost got a job editing a romance novel, which I'm pretty sad fell through, but I understand: I am not the best editor. I'm great at content and making the character storylines make sense, but I rely heavily on autocorrect for my own stuff so.... yea, not a shocker.

The author did leave me a glowing review and pretty soon after I was picked up by a publishing company for creating an LGBTQ+ romance novel. I proposed a lesbian werewolf romance with a twist and they loved it. They signed me on for 6 books.

I was stunned. I quickly wrote the first book, nothing super long, only about 20,000 words a novel, but I felt the first one went really fast and I felt really connected with the characters.

That was what I was trying to avoid though.

See when they signed me I signed an NDA. I figured romance novels are not in my usual wheel house, I could put enough of myself into them to make it easy for me to write and make everything sound the way it should, but because it's not my typical I figured I could keep it professional. I could write the series, collect the extra cash and move on being happy that my work was out there and I had actually had something published. I figured I was in the clear.

But then I outlined the next 5 books and started writing the second novel and I became attached to my characters.

Crap.

That wasn't supposed to happen. Then after finishing the 2nd book I started writing the third and realized I didn't want to write anymore. I had a detailed outline of what each chapter was supposed to be, I had set it up so there was very little break in action so it flowed well, and still I hit the dreaded writer's block where I felt like I was forcing my writing and I had a deadline to meet.

That's when I realized I actually cared about my characters now. They were mine and I was treating them like they weren't so it wasn't coming out right anymore. I was forcing it so my writing was choppy, the characters were becoming dull and/or winey and I was running into a big problem.

Writers always care about their characters. That's what makes them come alive.

I love the fact that my writing is out there, that my characters will be in the world, maybe even be on the shelf at Barnes and Noble someday.

They just won't have my name on it.

I had thought that it didn't matter who's name was on it, I know it's mine.

But a little part of me feels sad because it's not. I'm going through hell with these characters. I feel their pain, I feel their happiness and love. I understand them better than anyone else. It matters because my characters and I are a team and I would bet money (and I am not a gambler) that other writers feel the same. They are us. Theses stories are apart of us, they should have our name. They should be what we intended.

I do not regret doing this project and I will finish it, but I don't think I will ever ghostwrite again. I think I have learned that it is not narcissistic or egotistical to want my name on my work. It is not about recognition of me, it is recognition of the team it took to make that writing happen. The cooperation between the characters in my head and the story flowing the right way. It's about the frustrating hours of typing things out and editing and making sure my storyline is going the right way. It's the dreams that wake me up at night so I can write it down and add it to the story.

It's the admittance that yes, I did this. This is in my head and I own it. For the good and for the bad.

Authors should own their own rights to their art. Plain and simple.

Lesson well learned.