A Scammer Darkly

The following is a true story, or at least as true as any interaction on social media can be ...

It is also the final act in presenting this multi-sequence story and the laughable scammer tales ... perhaps to be retold again.

It all started months ago, when an online scammer contacted me and wanted to start building a friendship. I was polite at first, and then when they professed their love for me after 35 minutes of discussion. The distinct smell of something akin to a Bull's rear end wafted across my data plan ...

Unemployed, bored, and intrigued as to how far I could push things, I decided to play some games with them.

I gradually increased the odd things I said, sneaking in references to eating animals not often eaten (such as eating Porridge in bed, roast Wombat and Stone stew for dinners, drinking Platypus milk and Turnip juice, and many more odd things.

I spoke of my new (made up) job of sitting in bath tubs filled with slimy foods while people watched me eat cake. Of course I told them of the Dropbear attack I suffered in my backyard, and the sightings of The Silent Singer too, spotted creeping the garden at night.

Eventually beginning to add pop culture references such as the fact that, 'I love lamp.' All in order to see if they would call out the nonsense (as I felt any non scammer would do) perhaps they were translating everything on the fly and the context changed? For whatever reason they never really questioned anything I said.

Until I told them of my family ...

Them: "Your position in the family and the rest..?"

Me: "I was adopted by my family, mum and dad used to be Dodo farmers until their farm went bankrupt. Then grandpa Joe and grandpa George, and there's grandma Josephine and Georgina. My older brother Charlie who runs a chocolate company."

Them: "Ohh really that's so nice."

Them: "And where is the chocolate company at..?"

Me: "In England, he won it in a competition so moved there."

-Disabled accounts can't be contacted.-

Damn! I had flown too close to the sun, and like Icarus fell plummeting down. My fun and antics discovered, the game was over ...

Or was it?

They were back! They scoured the endless void of the internet to find me once more! Back in each other's virtual arms, they were quick to tempt me away from one platform to another, citing safety concerns.

As you may see, I was quick to return to my little game. Deciding this time, there would be no quarter. No limit to reference and the sharing of strange situations and details of my ever-forming life.

I will leave you now dear reader, to enjoy the tale. Both the ups and downs, the oddities of life, and the joy a loyal online love may bring in these dark times. Please enjoy, for life is short and should at least be fun. I'll see you on the other side of the tale ...

Now dear reader, this tale comes to an end ... After this final repeated question, there was no response or message for weeks. When they did eventually message, I felt the game was over and there was no more fun to be had from this source. I had originally started talking to them with the mentality; 'If I'm wasting their time, they can't waste someone else's time.'

But weeks away from the truest love I've ever known. My own life became somewhat busier and I found I had no time for this quest anymore. So I gave no reply, and waited for them to deactivate the account so I could capture the conversation.

I hope this tale acts as a warning, or even a 'how-to' guide for anyone else beset by these online scammers.

Shame really. I did never get to tell them the definition of insanity ...