What To Do If You Find A Demon In Your Toaster

Picture this: you wake up one morning, groggy and craving a slice of perfectly toasted bread. You head to the kitchen, pop your bread into the toaster, and press the lever down. But instead of the comforting smell of toasted bread, you're met with a puff of smoke and the sight of a demon emerging from your toaster. It's a scenario straight out of a horror movie, but don't panic just yet. Here are some steps you can take to handle this unexpected supernatural situation.

On How To Rid Yourself Of The Demon

1. Wear Garlic Around Your Neck

One option is to wear a garlic necklace. The smell of garlic is said to repel demons, so wearing a garlic necklace while making toast might do the trick. Plus, you'll be prepared for any vampire attacks that might occur while you're at it.

2. Play Soothing Music

Maybe the toaster demon just needs to chill out a bit. Try playing some calming music or soothing sounds to create a peaceful atmosphere and prevent the demon from being riled up. It might help to have some tranquil tunes playing in the background while you figure out your next move.

3. Bribe the Demon

Demons can be notoriously difficult to reason with, but it's worth a shot. Leave an offering of your demon's favorite food or drink (assuming you can find out what that is) and hope that they'll be too distracted to cause trouble. It's like trying to appease a grumpy housemate with their favorite snack.

4. Hold a Séance

If you're feeling brave (or foolish), you could try communicating with the toaster demon directly. Hold a séance and try to negotiate a truce or ask for their help in making the perfect slice of toast. Just be sure to approach this option with caution, as summoning a demon can have unintended consequences.

5. Get a Toaster Demon Buddy

Maybe the toaster demon just needs a friend. Try summoning a second demon to keep the first one company and see if they're less likely to cause trouble when they're not alone. This unconventional approach might lead to some interesting dynamics between the demons and could potentially diffuse the situation.

6. Perform a Protective Ritual

If you are set on using the toaster, consider performing a protective ritual beforehand. This could involve reciting a prayer or incantation, placing a protective symbol on the toaster, or surrounding the toaster with salt or other protective items. It's a way to create a barrier between the demon and your toasting experience.

7. Offer an appliance alternative

Create a diversion by offering the demon an enticing alternate appliance, preferably one you plan to recycle. The demon may be excited about having its own Easy Bake Oven and happily transfer its residency, whereupon you can bring it to the dump on your next run.

8. Gift the toaster to someone more deserving

This may be a blessing in disguise. What better gift can you give to someone who has wronged you in the past than a possessed toaster? Now you can look forward to your ex's wedding.

9. Call a Professional

If the demon-summoning problem persists, it may be time to call in a professional. Seek a reputable demonologist or exorcist who can assess the situation and take appropriate action. They have the knowledge and expertise to deal with supernatural beings and can guide you through the process safely.

10. Dispose of the Toaster

If all else fails, it might be time to dispose of the toaster. Make sure to do so in a safe and responsible manner, and consider recycling or donating it if possible. Sometimes, it's better to let go of the appliance than to risk further encounters with supernatural entities.

Now, if you suspect that the demon's appearance is related to the bread you're using, it's worth exploring different options.

Consider how the demon might react to different types of bread.

Here's a breakdown of possible reactions:

- Sourdough: The demon may be repelled by the sour taste of the bread and recoil in disgust.

- Whole wheat: The demon may find the bread too dense and unappetizing, turning its nose up at it.

- Rye: The demon may be intrigued by the strong flavor and find it more palatable than other types of bread.

- White bread: The demon may be attracted to the blandness and find it easy to digest, making it a preferred choice.

- Pumpernickel: The demon may appreciate the unique flavor and consider it a delicacy.

- Baguette: The demon may find the crispy exterior satisfying but be disappointed by the lack of substance in the interior.

- Cinnamon raisin: The demon may be drawn to the sweetness and find it a pleasant surprise.

- Challah: The demon may appreciate the braided texture and find it visually appealing.

- Multigrain: The demon may find the mixture of grains and textures confusing and be unsure how to react.

- Gluten-free: The demon may be repelled by the lack of gluten and find the bread unsatisfying.

Encountering a demon in your toaster can be a startling and unexpected event. It's important to approach supernatural entities with caution and respect. While these suggestions may not guarantee success, they offer creative and alternative ways to deal with the situation. Remember to prioritize your safety and well-being throughout the process.

*Originally published on Medium*