The 8 Things Your Uncle Screams at Every Soccer Game (And Why Every Family Has One)

## The Living Room Legend: That Uncle We All Know

There are universal truths in this world. Water is wet. The sun rises in the east. And in every family, there exists an uncle who transforms into a head coach, international referee, and sports commentator the moment the national team steps onto the pitch.

It doesn't matter if it's the World Cup, a qualifier, or a friendly match against a team nobody has ever heard of. For him, every game is a final. Every play is decisive. And every second is an opportunity to scream phrases that have become part of the family's cultural heritage.

I grew up with that uncle. We all grew up with that uncle. And today, I want to pay tribute to him through the eight phrases that invariably come out of his mouth every time the ball starts rolling.

## Phrase #1: "SHOOT IT, SHOOT IT, SHOOOOOT!"

This is the inaugural phrase. The unofficial anthem of every match. It appears approximately three seconds after the opening whistle and doesn't disappear until the referee ends the game.

It doesn't matter if the player is sixty meters from the goal. It doesn't matter if he has four defenders on him. It doesn't matter if he's facing backward, with no angle, and the goalkeeper perfectly positioned. For the uncle, the solution is always the same: shoot it.

The logic is simple and overwhelming. If you shoot, it might go in. If you don't shoot, it definitely won't go in. It's pure mathematics, according to him. The fact that ninety-nine percent of those shots end up in the stands or in the goalkeeper's hands is irrelevant. That one percent justifies everything.

## Phrase #2: "I Would Have Played Him as Right Back!"

This is where the uncle reveals his true frustrated calling: national team head coach. It turns out he always knew that offensive midfielder actually had the soul of a fullback. That the center forward should play as a defensive midfielder. That the starting goalkeeper has the look of a left winger.

His tactical formations defy all known logic. He has proposed playing systems that don't exist in any manual. The famous 2-6-2 formation he invented during the 2014 World Cup is still a topic of debate at family gatherings.

The most impressive thing is his selective memory. When a player does something right, he had predicted it. When they do something wrong, he had warned they shouldn't play there. He's a soccer oracle who never gets it wrong, mainly because he rewrites history in real time.

## Phrase #3: "Back in My Day, THIS Was Real Soccer!"

Ah, the golden era. That mythical period when players ran more, kicked harder, sweated more, and earned less. When VAR didn't exist, there were no slow-motion replays, and players didn't dive to the ground.

According to the uncle, back in his day, defenders could commit fouls that today would be considered war crimes, and the game would continue as if nothing happened. Strikers would take kicks to the shins and keep running. Goalkeepers would make saves without gloves, with bare hands and hearts full of courage.

Nobody knows exactly when that era was. The dates vary depending on the conversation. Sometimes it was the seventies, sometimes the eighties, occasionally the nineties. The only constant is that the past was always better, especially if the uncle was younger when he witnessed it.

## Phrase #4: "CALL THAT FOUL, YOU THIEF!"

The referee is the natural villain of every soccer story according to the uncle's worldview. There's no such thing as an impartial referee. They're all bought, sold, blind, or simply determined to ruin the national team's hopes.

An uncalled foul is evidence of international conspiracy. A yellow card is systematic persecution. An unawarded penalty is practically an act of war against the entire nation.

The uncle has a personal relationship with every referee. He knows them by name, remembers their mistakes from previous matches, and maintains a mental record of their offenses. It's as if he keeps an intelligence file on every official who has ever stepped on a pitch.

## Phrase #5: "Nobody Move, We're Winning!"

The uncle's superstitions deserve an anthropological study. Over the years, he has developed a complex system of beliefs that, according to him, directly influence the outcome of the match.

If the national team scores a goal while he's sitting in a certain position, nobody can move. If someone goes to the bathroom and the team concedes a goal, that person carries the historical blame. If he was eating chips when the winning streak started, chips become a mandatory element of every match.

The entire family ends up paralyzed in uncomfortable positions during second halves. There are uncles who have developed back problems from maintaining unnatural postures for ninety minutes. All for the national team.

## Phrase #6: "That Guy Played on My Neighborhood Team!"

The uncle has a personal connection with at least three players on the national team. Either he played against them in a neighborhood tournament twenty-five years ago, or he knows someone who knows someone who is the cousin of the team's physical therapist, or he once saw them in a supermarket and they made eye contact.

These connections give him authority to talk about the players as if they were old friends. He knows what they're like in person, knows their weaknesses, understands their psychology. The fact that all this information is invented or exaggerated is a minor detail.

When the player in question does something good, the uncle nods with satisfaction, as if he personally contributed to their development. When they do something bad, he sighs with disappointment, like a father let down by his child's decisions.

## Phrase #7: "I Knew It, I Knew It!"

This phrase appears exclusively after goals. Both goals for and goals against. The uncle always knew it.

If the national team scores, he had seen the play developing. He had noticed the space, anticipated the pass, predicted the shot. His goal celebration comes accompanied by an "I knew it!" that suggests clairvoyant powers.

If the opponent scores, he also knew it. He had warned that the defense was poorly positioned. He had pointed out that the midfielder was lost. He had prophesied the disaster that nobody wanted to hear.

It's an extraordinary gift. The uncle lives in a permanent state of having known everything before it happened. He's the Nostradamus of family soccer.

## Phrase #8: "We'll Definitely Win the Next Game"

It doesn't matter what the result was. It doesn't matter if it was a humiliating blowout, a painful defeat, or a bland draw. The uncle always finds reasons for optimism before the next match.

This time they'll play the right players. This time the coach will understand. This time the players will come out with a different attitude. This time the referee won't cheat. This time the superstitions will work.

The uncle's optimism is unbreakable. It has survived decades of disappointments, painful eliminations, and embarrassing performances. And yet, before every match, there he is, ready to believe again.

## The True Value of the Soccer-Obsessed Uncle

We laugh at the uncle, but the truth is we need him. He's the one who turns a simple match into a family event. The one who reminds us that soccer is more than a sport: it's an excuse to gather together, scream together, suffer together, and celebrate together.

His phrases are predictable, yes. His tactical analyses are questionable. His superstitions are ridiculous. But his passion is genuine. And in a world where everything seems calculated and artificial, there's something beautiful about someone who can still scream with their soul in front of a television.

So the next time your uncle screams "SHOOT IT!" when the player is at midfield, don't roll your eyes. Smile. Because you're witnessing a family tradition that's passed down from generation to generation.

And who knows. Maybe someday, you'll be that uncle for someone else.