Satirical

"Only You Can Prevent Bullshit"
Hey America, look out that 3x5 inch digital window to the world, that's in your pocket. The sky isn't falling; it’s being suffocated under a rhythmic, pressurized wave of pure, organic, artisanal horse-manure.
By Meko James 6 months ago in Humor
About Your Expectations of Privacy
[D055-PR1V] Please read this notice before filling in your Surveillance Benefit claim. If you do not understand this notice, please stare blankly at a wall until a DoSS representative arrives to explain it to you through your extractor fan.
By Ian Vince6 months ago in Humor
The Child Soldier and the Rusty Machete . Content Warning.
I’m sorry I gave your son a rusty machete. Yes, I am aware that he is only 12 years old. To be fair, I have been playing a lot of video games lately.
By Jesse Lee6 months ago in Humor
One Loose Screw and the Whole Cabinet Falls Apart
Product Description: This furniture is a statement piece that says, “I am the greatest thing in this room, and every other room, and also rooms I haven't entered yet.” With its innovative hollow-core construction and industry-leading lack of structural integrity, this unit is guaranteed to dominate any space while contributing absolutely nothing of value.
By Ian Vince6 months ago in Humor
World’s First AI Therapy Robot Quits After 15 Minutes of Listening to Humans
Breaking Tech News: In a move hailed as “the future of mental health” by tech bros in hoodies, Silicon Valley proudly unveiled SerenityBot-9000, the world’s first AI therapy robot.
By The Pompous Post6 months ago in Humor
Important Rules on Drinking Tea
These notes contain important information regarding the serving of beverages at higher than ambient room temperature for the purposes of, but not limited to: thirst satiation; amelioration or partial satisfaction of cravings for mild, psychotropic alkaloids; oral pleasure; or the commission of a ritualistic act of social cohesion, such as a tea break or a scheduled mid-afternoon liaison with a Minister of the Church of England, otherwise known as a vicar.
By Ian Vince6 months ago in Humor
The Great Vocal Top Story Rubics:
Listen, you absolute lunatics of the keyboard. You’ve been staring at your screen, haven’t you? You’ve been mainlining caffeine until your pulse started playing the drum solo from "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida," all while refreshing your Vocal dashboard like it’s a ticker-tape machine predicting the apocalypse. You’ve written your hearts out. You’ve bled onto the digital parchment. You’ve curated sentences so beautiful they should be illegal in at least four states. And yet? Silence. Alone in the dark with thousands of other mysterious & faceless legions of the lexicon.
By Meko James 7 months ago in Humor
Miami Beach and the Great Fabric Shortage: A Thong Gone Too Far?
FABRIC SCARCITY IN THE SUNSHINE STATE In a world where jeans once reigned supreme and “coverage” meant something, the state of Florida is having a thread famine. Places like Miami Beach decided to flip the script and the waistband. Somewhere between Key West boat ramps and the wild vortex known as Haulover Inlet, humanity is collectively experiencing “inattentional blindness” to fabric.
By The Pompous Post7 months ago in Humor
How To Be Intimidating
Ah, intimidation. Wouldn’t we all love to have the ability to do it? Those with the capacity to be intimidating are powerful. They scare others into submission, bend minds and mindsets to their will, and can even get away with heinous crimes and deeds that would likely land most behind poles of steel with possible mini-warzones behind them.
By Snarky Lisa7 months ago in Humor
DATING APPS – THE USED CAR LOT OF LOVE (NOW WITH MORE MILEAGE AND LESS HOPE)
WELCOME TO THE DIGITAL AUTO MALL OF DESPAIR Welcome to modern romance, where love is no longer found in smoky bars or awkward setups from your aunt. It’s parked on a virtual lot next to a thousand other vehicles, all shouting: “Low mileage! Great paint job! Serious inquiries only!”
By The Pompous Post7 months ago in Humor
Gloria Moves to the Next Stage of Dealing with Diverticulitis
“Hello Patti, I’m here for my meeting with Mr. Olivier,” Trixie says as she walks into the reception area of Oliver Olivier Productions.
By Rick Henry Christopher 7 months ago in Humor
The Housing Market is on Fire... Literally. Rent Comes with Free Marshmallows Now.
Welcome, You Brave Homeless Souls Congratulations, reader. If you’re viewing this newsletter, it means you can still afford Wi-Fi… Cherish that… Because according to Zillow, the average rent for a one-bedroom apartment is now an arm and a leg, one functioning kidney, a vial of dragon’s blood, and three Funko Pops from 2018.
By The Pompous Post7 months ago in Humor