Sarcasm
Introducing the Thought Transcribe Tool™
Have you ever noticed you write your best work in your head before you fall asleep? Do you lie awake in bed for ages, writing full, award-winning stories in your mind, only to find you’ve forgotten almost everything when you wake up?
By Sandy Gillmanabout a year ago in Humor
~ Frazzled ~. Top Story - June 2025.
— I'm a Woman in Love with Being in Love — As an observational 'Goof' form of entertainment, in an off-putting sort of way, I've been scrolling through a dating site. There are pictures and bio profiles of hundreds of women. For some reason, they always show themselves when they are young next to their current pictures. I always ask to date the younger one!
By Jay Kantorabout a year ago in Humor
The Early Bird Gets Ambushed?
Bright and early today, I woke up. The sun had yet to rise, but I was ready to take on the day. Heading to the kitchen, I wondered what to have for breakfast. Flicking on the lights, my eyes focused on the XL pizza box on the table. Opening the box, I saw a large cheese pizza with four missing slices. Closing it, I wondered who had been irresponsible enough to leave it out—then a thought struck me. Maybe it was breakfast? But who would have pizza for breakfast? Are there even shops open to deliver pizza this early? Putting that aside, I decided to eat before tackling this mystery. I settled on two boiled eggs with Arabian-style sesame seed garlic naan and a cup of apricot tea. The kitchen smelled like a bakery. Sitting by the open window, I took a bite—it was like a mother’s love. The clarified butter goodness combined with the rich garlic taste was overwhelming, but pairing it with a sip of apricot tea? Now that was magical. After finishing, I cleaned up. Now, it was time to put on my detective hat and solve the mystery of the day. Creeping through the silent hallways—which today gave off an eerie vibe—only added to the intrigue. Peeking into Mom’s room, I saw her still asleep, wearing a sleep mask. Next, I headed to my younger sister’s room and immediately felt like I’d entered a black hole—literally, not a speck of light. After waiting a few seconds for my eyes to adjust, I spotted a limp arm hanging off the bed. Confirming she was asleep, I slipped out. That was scary. Tiptoeing to my brother’s room, I was greeted by chaos. The nightlight was on, and the floor was a mess—barely visible under the clutter. Turning to the bed, I saw a lump under the blankets. Returning to the living room, I sat on the sofa, puzzled. If everyone’s home asleep, who ordered the pizza? A wiggling sound interrupted my thoughts. Turning toward the noise, I saw the doorknob twisting. Immediately, I jumped to my feet, dimmed the lights, and armed myself with an umbrella and a roll of bubble wrap. I stood in the foyer, ready to defend my home. As soon as the door opened, I hurled the bubble wrap at the intruder and kicked him in the back. With a thud, he hit the ground. I started whacking him with the umbrella, yelling, "Mom! Thief! Mom! Thief!" (Since I have no vocal power, I knew this would take a while.) A crash, some swearing, and a stampede later, Mom and my sister arrived—hair disheveled and clothes rumpled. "Wait… where’s Brother?" I asked. "Is the idiot still sleeping?" The answer came from the figure on the floor. "Not an idiot! Let me up, please!" Stepping back, I watched as the body stood and removed the bubble wrap. Voilà! There was my brother. I smacked him on the head. "Why are you here and not in bed?" Mom intervened, and soon, we were all in the kitchen eating pizza for breakfast while my brother nursed an ice pack. Then, he began his tale. He’d joined the soccer club, which required members to stay in peak condition—morning jogs and meditation were part of the routine. So, he woke up early, ordered a pizza, and left the house, grabbing a shawl. "For all his brilliance," he’d left a note on the outside of the door—so any early-riser passing by would know—but obviously, his family wouldn’t. His face lit up as he continued. While sitting on the cold, grassy plain facing the dawn sky, he began meditating. "In and out… in and out… in and out…" He continued until the gentle sun hit his eyes. When he opened them, he saw a scene straight out of a fairytale. The transition from dark to light was beautiful—but something else stole the show. From a small grassy hill near our home, a snow-white bunny peeked out, gazing at the sun. It hadn’t noticed him yet. He watched as the bunny closed its eyes, folded its little paws, and sat there. "Was it praying? Meditating? Am I dreaming? Did I fall asleep?" he asked himself. I had my doubts—maybe he’d taken a brief nap and imagined it—but from the awe on his face, I think he truly witnessed something magical. On his way home, he’d been so excited that he couldn’t wait to share his story. "I can totally picture the bunny wearing pajamas, doing its morning ritual," he said. Now, I felt guilty. So, I baked him a triple chocolate cake as an apology. Do you think it’ll work?
By Staringaleabout a year ago in Humor
The Ant Who Never Gave Up
It began with a picnic. The sun was warm, the breeze was soft, and the park was buzzing—literally. I had taken a break from my noisy city life to enjoy some peace, a sandwich, and a good book. But what caught my attention that day wasn't the story I was reading—it was the tiniest drama unfolding at my feet.
By Ahmad Malikabout a year ago in Humor
A story about a girl's school life.
I am sharing a shocking incident from a few days ago. I got a tuition from the media. I got the number from the media and talked to the guardian and went to his house. The address and house number that the guardian gave me were all wrong. Later, he asked us to go to a place and wait. It is worth mentioning that since it was the first day, my mother and I went to the student's house for a demo class. I couldn't find the house because I gave the wrong house number. Finally, he asked me to stand in one place and then asked us to go to his house. Sorry to him, we felt drunk when he saw the guardian. Then he showed us a house that looked like an abandoned house and said that this was his house. At first, we didn't want to go. Then we politely agreed since the guardian had come to receive us. Then we went to his house. Since it was afternoon, it was completely dark when we entered his house. Somehow, I turned on the flash of my phone and went to his room. We couldn't understand what to do after seeing this situation. Later, we went to his room. I addressed the guardian as uncle and asked if his wife was at home. He replied that she was at home. Later, after seeing his wife, we sat in his room. I asked the guardian why he was there, but he didn't give me any answer. He told me that this was his own house. My My heart started to pound. Why would someone who has their own house give the wrong address? Does anyone forget their own house number? Later, he said that his mother lives in the house next door, but it seemed that no one lives in the house next door. The room they let him stay in seemed like no one had lived in the house for a long time. Because there was a musty smell in the house, like when no one is home for a long time. I asked where their child was, whom I would teach. Their child never came to see us. As time went on, I was taking the name of Allah, and I was saying, "May Allah not give us any trouble. If you have done good in life, please save us this time with His help." We didn't want to sit there any longer, just a little longer. Later, the guardian asked me to sit down. We said that we would come and talk another day. We would leave today. He started asking us if anyone knew that we had come here. My mother and I said that my father was standing outside. And we are all from this area. We all know our I know. I have been talking to each other for a while. Their conversation and behavior are not helpful. I have not even seen my student. The student has not even come to see his new teacher once. Which is not usually the case. Even though I have been placed in a direct bed room, I have not seen the student or his books. Somehow, my mother and I have been going out for a while. I have been tutoring for about 6-7 years. Today is the first time I am studying in such a situation.
By Ratul Shrikhabout a year ago in Humor
Better to Be Short and Good-Looking Than Tall and Ugly
Last week, I wrote a poem for Ellie Hoov's Wonderland Challenge Day 4 :https://vocal.media/poets/queen-of-the-faguchi-s One of the creators, who was kind enough to read the poem and make a comment (Susan Fourtané), asked about the background of the poem. I explained it was originally a song I wrote years ago, but I would expand on it into a story. Here it is. ****** A long time ago in Uga Buga land an island at the southern tip of Africa, there was a tribe of pygmy warriors. They were called the Fuckawis. They were fierce fighters and known for their skill with a poisonous dart gun. The trouble was, their lack of height severely hampered them. They only stood about three feet tall. The grass in this part of Africa grew at least four feet tall. Good for hiding, but not great for hunting or attacking rival tribes since they couldn't see where they were going. They would stop every so often. One warrior would climb onto another's shoulders and shout, “We’re the Fuck-awi?” They had heard of a neighboring tribe called the Faguchis, who had a queen who was eight feet tall. The chief thought that if they captured the queen and took her to Uga Buga, he could have taller children. This would help make their tribe taller. The warriors buzzed with excitement as they prepared to fight the Faguchis. They made many darts for their blowguns and readied themselves for their trip. They had heard that the Faguchis took great pride in their queen, who was renowned for her beauty. The Faguchis, on the other hand, were not regarded as fierce warriors because they were not very smart. Some said that they were even scared of their shadows. If not for their king, who was rough and very mean, the tribe might have become extinct. He had become blind several years ago. He was preoccupied with the size of his feet, a whopping size 26, when he walked into a tree branch. The branches poked into his eyes and made him blind. They left their wives and kids behind. Then, they climbed into their dugout canoes. They paddled all night, using the moon to find their way to the island of the Faguchis. They planned to invade the Faguchi camp as soon as the sun rose, taking them all by surprise and taking their queen. They hoped they had enough men to carry the queen if she were that tall. They also brought a special, extra-long boat for her. All night they paddled their canoes to the rhythmic whispers: “Ranga copi - row, ranga copi - row.” As the sun rose, they crept to the campsite. They prepared their blowguns to attack. The chief, standing on the shoulders of two warriors, gave the signal to attack. “Humba, humba, take away your queen!” they shouted while shooting darts at the legs of the Faguchi warriors. They were so tall they figured that crippling them with darts to the legs was the best approach. Each dart was dipped in the venom of the brown-spotted, yellow-bellied sleeping frog. The venom was so potent that it immediately turned the Faguchi warrior’s legs to jelly, and they could not walk. “Humba, humba, take away your queen,” they continued to yell as they edged deeper into the camp. "Waga-nacka (what the hell!), you can't take our Queen!" they shouted. The exchange was turning into a battle of words more than anything else. The Faguchi’s were falling like flies. Several of the warriors saw that the tallest, ugliest woman emerge from one of the tents. Quickly grabbing the attention of the chief, who was almost blue in the face from blowing so many darts. He also caught sight of the queen. He sounded the retreat, and the Fuckawi’s headed back to their boats, screaming: “Humba, humba, you can keep your queen.” They dart around like tiny mice on the ground. The Faguchi warriors tried to chase them, but they kept falling over from the darts. As they arrived back at their island, the chief announced: “Better to be short and good-looking than tall and ugly.” Till next time,
By Top stories about a year ago in Humor
