Laughter
The Bionic Herald Declares War on the Gray Lady
On my first day at The Bionic Herald, I was told three things: Never mention “clickbait” in front of the editor-in-chief. Never praise the New York Times within earshot of the copy desk. And never, under any circumstances, ask why the office espresso machine is labeled “Pulitzer Fuel.”
By The Pompous Post2 months ago in Humor
Four Things Humanity Has Never Properly Explained
Human civilization has accomplished some remarkable things. We split the atom. We landed people on the moon. We built machines capable of seeing galaxies billions of light-years away. Somewhere, at this very moment, scientists are using supercomputers to model the origins of the universe. And yet, three plastic clothes hangers placed side by side in a closet can still form a knot that no living mathematician could explain.
By The Pompous Post2 months ago in Humor
An Investigation Into the Private Behavior of Otherwise Respectable Adults
Human beings are dignified creatures. We wear clothing. We use silverware. We attend meetings. We shake hands. We say things like, “Wonderful seeing you again,” even when we have absolutely no recollection of who we're talking to. Civilization depends upon maintaining this image. But civilization has one enormous weakness: sometimes we're alone... And the moment a human being becomes reasonably certain nobody is watching, approximately 40,000 years of social development disappears.
By The Pompous Post2 months ago in Humor
Gimme Some Sugar
I treat female-only gatherings with the same enthusiasm as a funeral. Especially when the females are highly dolled up with dresses and are usually doing something with arts and crafts. I’m not girly, I’m not artsy, and when you put me in a room with women who ARE, I stick out like a sore thumb.
By Jessica Drake2 months ago in Humor
Is Reading on the Toilet Still a Thing?
There was a time in America when entering someone's bathroom meant being granted access to their private literary collection. Nobody discussed this. Nobody questioned it. You simply walked into the restroom, locked the door, sat down, and discovered that your host had thoughtfully provided enough reading material to survive a minor gastrointestinal emergency.
By The Pompous Post2 months ago in Humor
I Wonder What the X-Men Do in a Heat Wave. Content Warning.
I wonder what the X-Men do in a heat wave. I realise this as I realise the lock on my bedroom door in my college dorm has swollen shut as the metal has expanded. And the windows are barred because of the time Tina from Humanities got slightly inebriated after drinking her stomach’s capacity of tequila and tried to jump out the window.
By Paul Stewart2 months ago in Humor
Things We All Pretend We Know How to Do
There comes a point in every person's life when you realize something deeply unsettling about adulthood: nobody knows what they're doing. As children, we assumed adults possessed information unavailable to us. They understood mortgages. They could balance a checkbook without asking anyone for help. They knew which wrench to use and the names of both screwdriver types. (Phillips, flathead) They could determine whether a melon was ripe simply by touching it. They could stand beside a broken car, stare into the engine compartment, and somehow diagnose the problem through facial expressions alone. Then we became adults and discovered the terrible truth: they're bluffing. We're all bluffing...
By The Pompous Post2 months ago in Humor
Jell-O Shots Didn't Help. Winner in Too Hot for This Challenge.
I peeled off my clothes one inch at a time, the sweat plastered on me making it difficult. Once my pants and undies were off, I snapped the blinds shut, then flung my bra and T-shirt across the room. Lifting my breasts, I swiped a palm beneath and felt the sweat, shaking it from my hand, watching it spiral outward.
By Andrea Corwin 2 months ago in Humor
One Flight at a Time. Runner-Up in Too Hot for This Challenge.
There is nothing worse than being a little overweight and having to deal with the heat. And living in West Texas? The heat isn't exactly forgiving. When it's over 100 degrees outside, the air is dry, hot, and relentless. You can walk from the building to your car and feel like you've just stepped into an oven.
By Silvia C Corella3 months ago in Humor
