Irony
Freeze! Drop the Water Pistol and Put Your Hands in the Air!
The Metropolitan police have admitted that a 13-year-old boy was rammed off his bike and handcuffed by armed police, who pointed their submachine guns at him. The boy was having a water fight with his sibling on 19 July when a police officer on patrol reported a potential firearms incident. (BBC, 20/10/23)
By Brendan Donaghy3 years ago in Humor
The Five Types of Meat You Get in Heaven. Top Story - November 2023.
Note: my head has been in a weird place over the last few days. I have just lost my godmother after a very long illness, and even though it was not a surprise, I am still getting used to a world without her love, attitude...and wicked sense of humour. I had this in a notebook for quite a while, and I needed a laugh at the exact moment when I rediscovered it this morning. The title of Mitch Albom's book was perfect for a parody...
By Kendall Defoe 3 years ago in Humor
"loyalty"
Unbreakable Bond: Determining the True Nature of Loyalty It is a word with great meaning that encompasses loyalty, love, and unflinching dedication. The idea of loyalty endures as a ray of hope and stability in a society where allegiances are constantly changing. This essay explores the many facets of loyalty, including its genesis, expressions, and significant influence on human existence.
By Misha story writer3 years ago in Humor
“Asteroid City”: Wes Anderson at his Wessiest
There’s been a brand of cinematic work that’s taken off in recent years, and the style is proving divisive for many viewers. They’re the films that don’t intend to tell cohesive narratives. They’re the films that seem as though they’re more intent on confusing audiences— or at least causing them to think a little too deeply for their comfort — than they are on entertaining them.
By Ben Ulansey3 years ago in Humor
How South Park Used ChatGPT to Help Write an Episode. Content Warning.
South Park is a show like no other. Where so many shows and cartoons seem almost to exist outside of time, South Park stays rooted in the moment. That’s not to say, of course, that the children have actually aged. Apart from graduating from third to fourth grade, they’ve remained 10-year-olds as they’ve confronted everything from climate change to religion, to politics, to a giant mechanized Barbara Streisand.
By Ben Ulansey3 years ago in Humor
South Park: The Most Important Satire Ever Made
Sometimes South Park can get a bad rap. With some of the jokes told in its 26 year run, it's not difficult to see why. South Park is both ruthless and persevering. With 326 episodes in its catalogue, there are few issues the long-running satire has failed to explore - and comprehensively.
By Ben Ulansey3 years ago in Humor
Nice Guys Finish Fifth, Sixth, and Seventh in Local Marathon
Each year since the inception of the local marathon nice guys, the brothers Tod and Ted Stephens, along with friend Jim Thorne, had finished last. Most had speculated that this year would be no different. Today, the Stephens brothers and Mr. Thorne proved the haters and doubters wrong, finishing fifth, sixth, and seventh respectively. A visibly tired, heavily sweat pit stained, but still smiling Ted Stephens said the following about the nice guy trios historic result. "I am just so gosh darned pleased with my performance, and especially that of my brother Tod and old college roomie Jim. With this finish under my belt maybe Cherry (Tims) will finally go on an actual date with me and agree to that candlelight dinner at Chez Rouzeau I have been asking her about for years. Assuming she says yes, I might be given the opportunity to patiently lay the groundwork for a long term relationship by listening intently and responding with genuine warmth and caring as she talks about the horrible day she had at the shoe factory where she works. This would be in contrast to our other 'dates' which have mostly been us meeting at the local Denny's and splitting a Moons over My Hammy for breakfast, as I listen intently and respond with genuine warmth and caring as she talks about the terrible day she had at the shoe factory. Those are really a waste of mine and her time. Although, she really does need a good shoulder to cry on, and, I am a really good listener. I guess it's not so bad. Eventually she will have to tire of empty passionate sex with various members of the high school football team. I can give her so much more than that. Except for the sex part, I can only handle so much of that until I get really tired and sleepy."
By Everyday Junglist3 years ago in Humor
Bloody Pencilvanian-Penlander War Continues With No End In Sight
The ink stains of the dead Penlanders are as fresh as the horror and dismay over the fates of the many Pencilvanians erased from the front lines. This centuries old conflict shows no signs of abating as fighting renewed again yesterday at the contested border between the two warring nation states. Hardest hit by loss were the famed Penlander fountaineers claiming some 500 dead in the first five minutes of fighting alone. They stormed the Pencilvanian front lines early and with numbers but ran head first into a hail of graphite re-enforced artillery shells lobbed from deep behind enemy lines. The battle tested #2 company of the Pencilvanian army then counter attacked with a neat pincer move attempting to sever the head of the Penlander BiC brigade, so named for its legendary leader General Brad (ironside) Cotton. General Cotton called for a counter-attack but the Pencilvanians gelled as a unit, hardened their lines with their mechanicalized troops, and repulsed the counter easily with a simple brush stroke. In a last ditch maneuver to salvage something from the horrendous string of losses the General fielded razor company and the 101st lighter brigade consisting of several thousand battle tested Penlander shock troopers. They attacked in ball point formation exploiting a small crack in the Pencilvanian lines. At the point of impact ink and black carbon flew in all directions as the ancient enemies met in bloody tip to tip fighting. This reporter will never forget the horror of that sight and prays for a swift end to this seemingly never ending war.
By Everyday Junglist3 years ago in Humor
Local IT Manager Hires Hollywood Production Company to Create Content for Anti-Phishing Campaign
Local IT manager of Openz Industries, Ted Stephens, announced today that he had hired a Hollywood production company to create content for an anti-phishing campaign aimed at rank and file employees. Openz is a global leader in the manufacturing and distribution of automatic garage door opener remote controls and provides remotes for all of the leading automatic garage door manufacturers world-wide. The company has recently been hit with a spate of phishing attacks and employees have been easily fooled by fake emails exposing valuable company data to hackers intent on using the data to extort Openz or its customers for large sums of money. Specifically the hackers are believed to be targeting Openz' database of garage door opener codes. If those codes were compromised it would cripple Openz and possibly put hundreds of thousands of garage door opener remote control users at increased risk of break in. The previous attacks used fake emails that appeared to be coming from Openz corporate headquarters in Pittsburg, PA, and informed employees that they needed to update their user names and passwords as the company would soon be transitioning to new customer and pricing management software. The emails instructed the employees to click on a link which led to a fake website where they were then asked to input their current user names and passwords and asked several personal identifier questions during which many employees freely gave up their social security numbers, home addresses, personal cell phone numbers, and even detailed information on the whereabous of their sons, daughters, husbands, and wives. In the first atttack some 72% of employees fell for the scam. That number dropped to 40% for the second attack, but that second attack also saw several senior executive sduped. Mr Stephens said of the phishing attackss "While it is true that 40% of our employees were completely tricked by the fake emails and foolishly surrendered personal and confidential information, that leaves 60% who were not fooled. Those 60% need to fully understand the seriousness of the threat we face. They may have sniffed out the first wave of phising attacks fairly easily, but let's see how they do when Hollywood production company New Wave Entertainment steps up to the plate."
By Everyday Junglist3 years ago in Humor
Harlequinade. Top Story - October 2023.
Dear Sweet Looney Partner, With Halloween around the corner, you would expect a spooky story from me. Let me surprise you with a funny story instead! Heads up, please don’t read this while drinking anything. I’m not responsible if you shoot fluid out of your nose or mouth. Let me take you back to when I was four years old. My parents brought me to the airport because someone was going somewhere or maybe someone was arriving from somewhere. Don’t know, don’t care. My parents were busy talking to the other adults, whoever they were. I was left unsupervised but I was too afraid to leave my parents’ side, so I let my eyes wander. They wandered far and wide until they landed on a very cute boy. He seemed to be around my age. He held a packet of potato chips in his hand. I was mesmerized watching him stylishly bring one chip after another to his mouth with his other hand. I surveyed the adults around him. They too were engaged in conversation. All I needed to know was that he was unsupervised as well. I gave my parents one last look before leaving their side. I was careful not to make any sudden movement to prevent the boy from getting scared of me and I didn’t want my parents to know that I was sneaking away. Finally, I was right in front of him. He stopped eating and smiled at me. I smiled back at him. My smile then evolved into a grin and he followed suit. I slowly brought my right hand to his left cheek and caressed it. He just stood there rigid and wide-eyed, confused at what was going on. I caressed his cheek a little while longer. I kept watching his eyes, bidding my time and it finally came when he closed his eyes a little too long before opening them up again. SMACK! That fool almost fell as an aftermath of my slap. I then pried the packet of potato chips out of his hands and bolted. I had a head start because it took him a few seconds to realize what had happened before he started chasing me while crying loudly. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha, what a loser! His howls alerted all the adults around us because this boy was LOUD! See, this was the flaw in my plan. My undoing. I should have threatened him to keep quiet or lured him somewhere isolated. But I shouldn’t be too hard on myself. I was just four and didn’t have much experience in scheming. Oh yes, back to the story. His parents were chasing him and mine were chasing me in the middle of a busy airport. Finally, my parents caught me and snatched the potato chips out of my hands. The boy’s parents were trying to calm him down but to no avail. He only stopped when he got back his potato chips. My parents then apologized to him and his parents and made me do it too. I know, the audacity ! Now you’re probably wondering what happened to me after that. Nothing much at the airport but after we got back home, I got spanked so hard! No worries, it didn’t stop me from committing other mischievous deeds but that’s a story for another letter. I know you’ve been going through a tough time and I hope my story made you smile. Sincerely, The-Boy-Slapping-and-Potato-Chip-Stealing Thief ~~~~~ Author’s Notes: Yes, this was based on true events! 🤣 This was written for Heather Hubler’s Write Me A Letter Challenge . Surprisingly, as per the rules, I actually used all 26 letters of the alphabet!
By Dharrsheena Raja Segarran3 years ago in Humor
