REINCARNATION ... makes you think

REINCARNATION . . makes you think

Why I don’t want to come back as a …

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When I was younger, MUCH younger, I overheard a conversation between my mother and her mother. Unfortunately, I didn’t hear the entire conversation, but its premise intrigued the older me.

Nanny said she read and was curious about reincarnation. “What are your thoughts on that, Mary? I personally would love to come back as an eagle. Can you just imagine soaring so high where you could see for miles?”

Mom said it sounded interesting but, in her opinion, it might be more interesting to come back as a giant redwood tree.

I thought my grandmother was about to spit out her mouthful of tea.

“Why on earth would you think that?”

“Well,” mom said, “just think of all the things that I could see. Redwoods live for hundreds of years. Can you just imagine all the inventions and world changes they must envision?”

To which my sensible grandmother replied, “Yes, but Mary, trees are stationary. We both know they stay in one place unless ….”, she hesitated for nothing more than a dramatic effect, “… someone chops them down to build a house.”

Leave it to my grandmother to stop a conversation when her imagination ran dry. And leave it to my mother to know just how to do that. Yet, these are very same women who encouraged me to use my own imagination.

All that said in a nutshell, here is my very own imaginative interpretation of reincarnation.

I absolutely hope and pray that I won’t come back as a:

Spider

Have you never seen the movie Arachnophobia? I get itchy just thinking of all those bugs. Oh, hell no! That definitely is not me!

Plus, they’re creepy and ugly.

Yeah, I know, they’re supposed to be good luck but hey, I don’t want someone who thinks like me to see me, and squash me with their shoe like a ,,, well, bug!

Frog

I’ll admit frogs are cute. Statues and drawings are what I’m talking about. Live ones are a totally different matter. They’re cold and slimy. YUCK!

Have you ever walked through a park, or perhaps your own backyard in the warm summer months, at night and have something cold and slimy jump on your leg with its cold and slimy little suction feet? OMG!! I screamed like a banshee, although I never actually heard a banshee scream, but I can imagine it. My poor husband came running out of the house thinking I was being attacked. When he saw the frog, I thought he was going to attack me! However, we ended up laughing over my sudden fear. But, yes, I still have my little frog statue in the front yard of my house.

Bird

While I love to watch eagles soar gracefully through the air, with their wings majestically spread wide, I will sweetly but adamantly decline that option should it be offered.

Why? I am terrified of heights!

Also, there are people around with guns who love to shoot at birds. While the bald eagle is on the national protection list, that won’t prevent someone with a vengeance about lists from violating that list and blowing me out of the sky. Nope! No thanks. I’ll stick to the ground.

Penguins don’t fly but who in their right mind would want to live in such a cold climate as they do? The mama and papa penguins take turns eating and watching their young. First you want to freeze me to death, then tell me I can’t eat for months while darling hubby goes and gorges himself. And what if something happens to him while he’s gone? Am I then supposed to starve? And what about little junior? Can’t leave him to go fill my belly. No thanks. There must be more options.

Horse

Nope, sorry, no can do! I know what it’s like to have an achy back. There’s NO way I’m going to allow someone to sit on my back all day, kicking my butt and yelling “giddy-up”. I may think horses are beautiful animals, but I surely don’t want to be one.

Plus, when you get old, they use your hoofs for glue! Sorry, not happening.

Cow

Aw, come on, really? A cow? I enjoy drinking milk, but I certainly doubt that I’d never enjoy someone yanking at my (T…) every time they wanted to fill a bucket. Oh, right, they now use machines to do that. Oh, lordy! How humiliating!

And, finally, when the cow dries up and is no longer a source for milk? Hey, we can always enjoy a nice, thick steak! Forget it! If I were a bull and you were about to cut up my Bossie? Well, I’d, at this point, be sticking my horns in, well, not where you’d want them stuck.

Fish

My number one reason for not wanting to come back as a fish is easy. I CAN’T SWIM!

Can you just imagine a fish who couldn’t swim?

Then of course, there is the angler (man or woman, doesn’t matter). Many of them use worms as bait. OH NO! You’re not getting me to eat worms. Nope. Oh yuck!

I know the bigger fish eat the smaller fish. But I refuse to become a cannibal just so some angler can “snag the big one”!

Guess being a fish is also out.

Oh wait, I think I know what might suit me. How about a ………

FLOWER

Aw, now, flowers are so delicate and pretty. Most of them have such sweet scents. People just love flowers.

Oh, but wait!

People cut them to put them in vases.

People cut them to put in bouquets.

People cut them to use in funerals.

PEOPLE CUT THEM!

Then they die and their beauty is gone.

I know we all die but hey, I don’t want to die before my time just to amuse someone who thinks I’ll look prettier in a vase or a bouquet.

Oh, my! What a quandary!

While I know there are so many other things I could list in my reincarnation possibilities, I’m sure if I thought more about them, I’d find a reason to say no to any or all of them.

Hey, wait a minute. I have the perfect solution.

I’ll come back as a ghost. I know for sure that there are plenty of people I’d have fun haunting. Ah, I need to make a list.