Meet Crystal Lamont

Crystal Lamont is an outstanding authority on everything: maple syrup, art, telekinesis, hat pins, potcakes, hotcakes, martinis and more.

But what Crystal knows best are the movies.

Crystal’s movie reviews are legend: cinephiles the world over seek her out for her astounding insights into the latest entries in the world of cinema.

Before she began her esteemed career as a movie critic, Crystal Lamont held many positions: racecar driver, hypnotist, bell-ringer and, most notably, acclaimed photographer. Of her early photographic awakenings, she has said:

“Cecil Beaton and I were slumming in the Bowery one day when he asked me if I’d like to hold his Brownie. I was taken aback at first. But when I realized what he meant, I was all for it.”

Crystal: "Beaton’s Brownie was nice, but I preferred to use my Diana. But my all-time favourite camera is now my cellphone. In fact, my favourite thing in the whole universe is my cellphone. It’s my connection to the world, my eye on the times and the mirror that I hold up to apply my lipstick.”

Lamont's expertise on cinema has been celebrated by the best of them. And why not? She has seen every movie that exists and then some, and her fast-breaking, to-the-point reviews are thoughtful, pithy and agreeably unbalanced.

Crystal recounts a time when she and Susan Sontag did a lot of partying in St Tropez: "One morning, as we sat on the beach sipping mimosas, I said ‘Susan, all photographs are memento mori'. Suze subsequently quoted me in her book, without credit, I might add. Regardless, those two words sum up for me what I think about images, both moving and still: memento mori. I take snapshots in an effort to stop time. That and celebrity sightings.”

Burt Lancaster was one of Crystal's favourite celebrity sightings. Here's her shot of the esteemed actor -

Here, she reviews one of Lancaster's best performances, for which he won an Oscar:

Another of her fave movie stars is Errol Flynn, especially as Robin Hood - so dashing and...sparkly?

Crystal is a big fan of Alfred Hitchcock and offers these bon mots:

"Cary Grant stars in North by Northwest but the real star of this movie is the kid in the background of the Mount Rushmore cafeteria scene. Watch for him to the right of Eva Marie Saint as he plugs his ears before the gun is fired and even before seeing it. Clearly, they'd already done a few takes. So, pop some corn and a cork or two and watch North by Northwest, starring the kid."

"In Strangers on a Train, Robert Walker plays a bad guy with an important cigarette lighter in his pocket. I mention this prop because in The Clock, with Judy Garland, Walker plays a good guy with an important cigarette lighter in his pocket. Neither lighter is a MacGuffin (put that in your pipe and smoke it) but both are elegant. So, pop some corn and a cork or two and watch a double bill of Strangers on a Train & The Clock."

Speaking of Judy Garland, Crystal has this to offer: "In The Harvey Girls Judy Garland is amazing as usual but the real star here is the pompoms and sequins and jewels and beads and baubles and feathers and crinolines of the saloon girls’ frocks. Betsy Johnson took a page outta this movie, for sure. So, pop some corn and a cork or two and watch The Harvey Girls."

Crystal would like to thank all her fans for continuing to support her. Currently, she's holed up somewhere in Switzerland completing her Doctorates in Philosophy and Millinery.

She promises to return with more film reviews, as well as some important statements on hats and potcakes. She intends to post more videos and snaps to IG soon. In the meantime -