Dear Vocal...

Dear Vocal,

I am sorry.

This may seem like an odd thing for a contributor to do while working on a Challenge that he came up with, but I would like to apologize for my many misdemeanours and comments over the years.

Where do I begin?

I started on this page in 2018 as a curious scribbler who wondered if I would really like to share all of the various blobs of work I had saved on drives and old laptops. Very quickly, I decided that I could like all my work rot, or let the pieces received an airing with fair comments on what worked and what did not work. It did take a long time for me to receive any sort of critical jousting, and I discovered that there was an audience out there for my strange and interesting texts.

There was also the discovery that I could still write. This is very important for a man who spends a great deal of time trying to teach the English language to students who are indifferent, rude, self-involved, or convinced that there will be absolutely no use for this particular skill once they graduate. There was a chance that attempting to work and make a living in that environment for such a long time would kill the urge to be creative. Instead, I find that being trapped in those classrooms, both in person and online, has given me an incredible push once I step away from the rules of grammar, punctuation and correspondence. Any creative work quickly washes away most of the disappointment arriving from my occupation.

So, why this apology?

Well, this is my Challenge, and I have decided to enter it three times.

Am I really that desperate for another win? When I started here, I never thought that anyone would really care about my work, besides several too-kind co-workers who egged me on to get my name out there. Even the receipt of a Top Story badge seemed like an impossibility until I found one on my page on top of a parable about my mother, frozen strawberries, and a pleasant summer memory.

And you have been quite kind to me over those long and desperate years. I have seen my work finally receive Honorable Mentions, then a few in the Runner-Up lists, and eventually - this still gets to me - an actual Win (actually a shared Win with four others on the same podium, but my work was actually listed first; does that count for something?). Finally, you have used one of my Challenge ideas for a...Challenge (seems redundant to say it, I think, but still...). It really has been a strange few years.

And that is why I have to apologize.

I really thought that I would look back on this long and steady tapping away and have nothing but unpleasant memories of the effort put into all of these piece (Faulkner called it ''the agony and the sweat of the human spirit'', but I won't go that far...honestly, reading his work feels like agony and still makes me sweat). All this time I thought that I had the plan set up in my mind and now I realize that plans can sometimes change...for the better.

My pessimism is at an all-time low.

Thank you.

P.S. So, what in the hell am I supposed to write about now?

*

Thank you for reading!

If you liked this, you can add your Insights, Comment, leave a Heart, Tip, Pledge, or Subscribe. I will appreciate any support you have shown for my work.

You can find more poems, stories, and articles by Kendall Defoe on my Vocal profile. I complain, argue, provoke and create...just like everybody else.

Give it a look...