A Truly Shocking Dog Story

Ever since I was a kid I have been an animal lover, especially dogs. The great thing about dogs is that they love you forever and are always happy to see you. They don’t throw a moody for no good reason. What’s more, they don’t cheat or lie or set out to deceive you in any way shape or form. If they do something bad, like crap on your favourite rug, they always own up by showing their guilt. So what you have in a dog is a faithful friend for life, which is not always the case with their human counterparts. Having said all that, dogs can sometimes unwittingly be the cause of a great deal of pain.

I had one dog, Sam, who was usually well-behaved on the lead, except when he caught sight of some highly desirable bitch across the road. Then he would pull on that lead like his life depended on it. On one such occasion, Sam saw a comely wench across a main road before I did. With no prior warning, Sam leapt forward and in so doing dragged me with him, smashing my forehead bang into a concrete lamp post. The blow was so strong it knocked me clean out for the count and I collapsed in a heap on the pavement.

Not too long after this event I developed a very large bump on my forehead, just above the bridge of my nose. I decided to get the bump checked out down at the local surgery and was shocked to hear the doctor tell me what a lucky escape I had had. The blessed dog had fractured my skull and there was nothing that could have been done about it. Fortunately, I had no ill symptoms and in time the damage healed itself. This was just one of a few unfortunate incidents I have had with dogs, thankfully incidents from which I have made a full recovery. However, the tale that follows below was too close a call for comfort, to say the least. It is quite literally, a truly shocking story.

Many many years ago, in my teens, we had a Golden Labrador called Yaega. We called him Trigger, I don’t know why, but it was somewhat prescient, to say the least. Trigger was devoted to me and would lie across my legs when I was fast asleep in bed. Such was the weight of this blessed dog that when I woke up it was only to discover that I had lost all feelings in my legs and could not get out of bed. I had to spend a long time massaging life back into my limbs before I could stand up. But that was not the worst of it.

One day I took Trigger out for a Sunday walk. As we ambled along the pavement I began to hear a buzzing noise. It got louder as we approached an electric street light. The closer we got to the light the louder the noise. I also noticed that the metal door to the internal electrics was lying on the pavement.

Then, just as we stepped alongside the light, Trigger decided to take a leak and urinate deep inside the electric compartment. Before I knew it 240 volts travelled up his urine, through his body to a metal choke chain and right into my unwitting limbs and torso. My entire body went into total paralysis. My hair stood on end. Every sinew in me stiffened and tingled with the current. I swear I was lit up like a Christmas tree. I was distantly aware that I was being electrocuted to death by my dog’s pee!

Somewhere deep inside my brain, I knew what was happening, but I felt totally powerless to do anything about it. I was hooked up to the national grid via my dog’s piss. I just had to wait until Trigger was finished doing what comes naturally, and hope to God that he ran out of urine before I ran out of life.

Eventually, Trigger stopped and lowered his cocked leg to the pavement. It was at this point I discovered that this was a lot more painful for the dog than me. The electric current went back from whence it came, right back into the dog’s body. However, since Trigger had broken the contact, by virtue of finishing his pee duties, the current stopped at the end of his penis with nowhere else to go. Trigger let out the most blood-curdling scream I have ever heard in my life. Let’s face it, you really would not want 240 volts making a direct hit on your manhood now, would you?

We both staggered home totally dazed by the incident. And I swore to never let him anywhere near another street light. Be warned, and remember, trees are much safer places for your dog to cock his leg. Better still, get yourself a female dog, they’re not half the trouble. You can’t get into much trouble with a dog squat, can you? Or even better, buy a budgie. Sorted.