A Notification Dilemma, a Vocal Roasting
Shall I play the Imp today.
A ONE WOMAN SITCOM
Disclaimer
I in no way apologize for roasting or for uttering the following truths or dares
First, I asked the "All Father" if he could make notifications scroll
"Wha-do-ya-mean-scroll"? He calmly vociferated
"All you-gotta-do-is-grab-the-link-and-jamb-it-somewhere-and-you-can- then-scroll-all-you-want. Dumb-dum"! I thought I heard him whisper when he thought I was'na listening. But, I heard it, I wouldn't lie to ya.
So I am grabbing the stupid link and planting it here and there
I am Techy challenged, I told him and everyone
I ask the kids to help with techy stuff, little farts have no patience and they will laugh at my lack of tech savvy
You gotta love em...Right?
Anyway, back to Notifications
So I write a story and posted it just two whole minutes ago
Suddenly a message pops up
Such and such liked your story six hours ago
Dude, I just posted the frinking thing three minutes ago
Who went back in time and read the story SIX hours ago
Wait! Give it a sec......Blink
Such and such liked your story two minutes ago!
Autocorrect works wonders...ain't it (as the British will say)
"What the #$#@&(#"?
Furthermore, "HOW CAN YOU LIKE MY STORY IN TWO MINUTES WHEN IT IS A FOUR MINUTEs READ AND I ONLY JUST POSTED IT"
Do me a favor and read the story before you like it. Like little baby Cezanne Libellen said when she threw a fit and cussed us all out:
"Please Don't read my Top Story". Cezanne is seriously ticked off here.
Seriously, she is fifteen going on forty, give the baby some support:
Then to add insult to injury, you didn't even bother to comment
#$@&^%)((*&%$$$#@@$%^&&&$#$#$%$%$$@@!##$*88888
I need Notifications to seriously scroll, it is a pain in the rear
But I can wait until more important issues are cleared up. (Spoken with a tone of shame and downcast eyes for cussing at the "All Father").
I must say that Notifications are great, I love it
Then there are those wonderful people who Subscribe to me
They don't mention if they have read any of my stories
So what am I supposed to do? How do I reciprocate, I love to reciprocate people, give me something. What did you read to prompt you to subscribe, there are too many of us for total freebies, we all need reads to feel loved and comforted. Damn our need for the human touch!!!!!
Do not get me wrong. I adore all of my subscribers, but let me know what you read. Please!
One of my favorite subscribers did not have one single story for me to read
Seriously, his profile said (0) stories....Woe is me
He joined in 2021, and he is watching us. Thank you for subscribing, but! Are you a spy or sumptin'. Better write something soon, or I will be forced to investigate. I love you phantom person. Hope u not a hitman.
OK. What is the fascination of DISCORD. I used it some time ago. Deleted it. Feels like landing on Mars again as I insinuated myself into the Vocal Discord channel. I finally figured out at least how to join the chat. Saw the slot for Top Stories. Apart from real time chat, I am stumped. Don't I already do all that stuff over at Vocal? 'Hep' me Jesus!
So "Humor". You gotta have 600 or more words to post over there, right? I think it should be open to all lengths, or maybe 100 words or more, or something. I am seriously having a problem being funny in 600 words ALL THE TIME. Tis exhausting.
I reserve for now my take on how the new changes have changed or not changed certain things, which I am not sure will ever change. 10 to 20 people will be fine, changes work great for them. The rest of us, UMMMM, I will have to consult with Zoltar over in Magical Realism.
The End! But, wait a minute. One more thing!!!!!
I just read a brilliant story, got to the end....And..."I am sorry, but (brand new story) is not accepting any comments right now"). Really 💧 💧 For the love of G-d, and for goodness sakes put that at the top, lead with that, I feel like I just read the story in vain. 💧 💧 💧 .
About the Creator
Novel Allen
Every new day is a blank slate. Write something new.
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Comments (37)
Notifications sometimes seem to bug out more than the mountains made out of ant hills. I like the notifications on the platform, but I would like a filter setting or different categories of filters. Like an inbox for comments and replies, bells for new stories from subscriptions, and a heart feed from stories (and maybe we can get comments to receiving hearts too) that are receiving hearts. On a different note, I think that Vocal's taking a more interactive approach because of other reasons these days. As the phrase goes, "The money flows where the eyeballs goes."
Lol, Indeed, notifications can be a wonderful feature that keeps us informed and connected. It's always exciting to receive notifications and know that someone has subscribed to your work.:) Congrats on your Top Story!
Congrats on your Honorable Mention Honor No! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾😁
As someone with very low views and reads, I have three subscribers but they don't comment my articles. I've got some insights on my only top story, but that's it. However, I did not understand who left said insights from notifications. With that said, I loved your style in this story!
Ive got 2 followers lol but they make comments on my stuff. I do have some phantom reads who send me messages off vocal because they think i write about them but i sure do understand you. 600 words is alot to make funny but i think under certain communities you can submit under 100 🤷🏻♀️i liked this though!
A very chaotic stream of consciousness! Intrigue and mind #%$!s abound! Great work lol and congrats on top story👌
This was so chaotic I love it! Congrats on Top Story, going to try and figure out the whole Discord thing in a bit myself and I am dreading it!
This is so good. Yes, what's with subscribing without reading? Strange. Brilliantly amusing.
Such a great novel. I loveeeeeet
This was great novel and in the spirit of things can we stop with the people just posting links to their story like the one below my comment: I mean did you even read this brilliant creative story before you advertised yours. I’m all for reciprocating ( man that’s a tough one to spell) but don’t be pushy about it let somebody decide which story they want to reciprocate with.
Woo! Another top story Novlet! 🥳
Hilarious! Congratulations on Top Story!!!
Congratulations on your Top Story🎉✨
This would be a great counter-Vocal-culture piece. But the system it purports to criticize made it a Top Story, which makes me suspect an inside job 👀
Novel, I was laughing from the start! I love the disclaimer “I in no way apologize … “ In the defence of those of us that do the “pre-mature” like, sometimes we hit like part way through reading because we already love it right from the first sentence! Bahahah!! “Are you a spy or sumptin’?” I love your brand of humour a little too much!! 💖 I find it hard to believe that you’re having trouble being funny in 600 words, unless that’s the limit them I can see how that would be a problem! Also, congratulations on another Top Story!! You are on a role!! 🎉🎊
Scrolling would be better and I think it would have been funny if you disabled comments on this one, hahah. Top Story celebrations are in order!
Congrats on Top Story! 🥂 Glad to see this here. Wonder if the “All Father” will see it.
Dear 'N' ~ You always 'Magically-Humanly-Virtually-Touch' Me ~ It would be boring if we were all the same ~ - Always anxious for the next Juicy-Morsel you Toss at us within this Scrunch-in-Community - - My Pleasure- Jay Jay Kantor, Chatsworth, California 'Senior' Vocal Author - Vocal Author Community -
Congratulations on Top Story!🎉
Haha. This is great. Congrats on the TS. Scrolling would be so much better, you're right.
I laughed so heard I needed to gasp and snort- which alarmed people (so I blamed it on allergies). I dip into Discord a couple of times a day... and yesterday I see (I think) someone using it to create images for their stories. Which is cool- but I dunno why it happens where it happens, or who it is, and why is it Pokemon?
Yay Top Story!! The cult has prevailed! 🤣❤️😁
Too true! I JUST WANT TO SCROLL! This gave me a good chuckle, great work!
Congratulations on your Top Story, this was fun. I left Discord as well. My creations are so far off Vocal's map , but you smashed it with this
LOL! 😂 Novel for President! ( of the entire world!)✊🏾😁