Your Soul Mate Is Not Who You Think He Is

Each of us has our romantic conceptions of what true love should look like. How will everything happen? What feelings will it evoke? What will he look like, what kind of voice will he have, how will he behave? What will the first kiss be like?

Sometimes we meet our soul. Here it is! He's in a bar next to us. Or at the end of the hallway at work. Or next to a shelf in a bookstore. Everything is as we imagined. And let's get started. We get the coveted phone number and make the first date. Then comes the second. Sometimes this continues for a month or two, after which, at some point, everything falls apart.

What seemed easy at first becomes complex. Simple conversations suddenly cease to be so simple. The apple loses its luster. Relationships become routine and no one has time for them. This is the very trait by which many relationships end. The thing is, one of the partners mistakenly believes that love is eternal magic and everything else is a deception.

But we want to keep the relationship going. We want to turn everything around. We are thinking about what else can be done to prevent the shipwreck. Do we need to change? Should we change our behavior? After all, it's love. Of course, it's self-sacrificing, isn't it?

I think not. And all because in the world of love there is only one huge and terrible idea: if everything is simple, then it is not real. We are sure that true love must be sought. We are fighting for this, being on the verge of survival.

For love, we must constantly suffer and weep, lose our faith, and waste a lot of time just to gain it again.

I dare say that such a conviction is utter nonsense. Perhaps it has its origins in our culture when it was common to believe that everything great requires human suffering.

Although I agree that love requires effort, patience, and the ability to forgive from partners, I do not think that this should include constant monitoring of possible harm.

If for the sake of love, relationships require acrobatic maneuvers on your part, then this is no longer love, but a project that is doomed to failure.

At its core, relationships should be simple. If it takes a lot of effort and time, then something is wrong.

Be with someone who makes you happy, even when you have a bad day. Or a week. Or a month. After all, such days in a relationship will certainly be many. And a person who is happy only when you are a superhero will not support you as soon as you become a mere mortal again and will need support.

There is no need to reach the ideal. The first week or two with such an "ideal partner" may seem like a paradise, but as soon as you stop falling into his concept of perfection for 2–3 seconds, he will immediately reject you.

The ideal couple we all imagine in our imagination will not be able to adequately survive the endless stream of identical days of real life.

The person who suits you is most likely hiding under the mask of the person you work with every day. Or the one you considered your friend for five years. The one who saw you in the worst and good days, but is still nearby and believes in your great potential. And he probably kisses well, as you can see if you give him a chance to kiss you. And with such a partner it will be easy for you.