You’re Wasting Your Time Waiting For Two People To Break Up

You know those two love birds aren’t right for each other. Especially because one of them is the person you’ve been lusting over ever since you met.

And found out they weren’t available.

You also know you would make a better lover if only the two would break up. Then you could swoop in and be the person they fall in love with.

Oh, please.

This isn’t a Hollywood romance, let’s get this clear. We don’t live in the pages of fiction where two unrequited lovers end up finding each other. Where one side is in the right place and the right time to make the other realise it’s time to rethink their love life.

And the idea of you interfering in someone’s relationship, just to get your way, might sound cute and oh-so-romantic.

But the reality is quite bleak. You’re hovering over a relationship waiting for it to break up. And it’s such a waste of time.

Here are all the reasons you’re spending too much time hoping for two people to break up so you can have the person you want.

1. This could be the worst timing ever

When is the best time in a person’s life to ask them out? Well, if we simplified it, and took out all other extenuating factors, the best time to ask them is when they’re single.

You know they can’t say no based on the fact they’re taken.

It’s easy to swoop in and make your move on your newly single friend with this rationalisation.

Single = available

But we know all those other factors are still at play. And timing is paramount when asking them out. You don’t want any of the following issues to plague your new relationship with them:

• The fact they are still getting over their ex
• The fact their ex is still in the picture, as they haven’t quite moved on yet
• The fact they might still be living with their ex
• Any custody issues they arrived with a newly ended relationship
• The emotional turmoil of a major break-up that spills into family and friends — Getting over the ex isn’t just for the two people in the relationship

Even if they are available, there are no guarantees they are going to want to jump straight into another relationship, either.

They need time to grieve the last one, do all the ugly break-up rituals, and work out what they want to do next.

2. You could wait forever

Even if the relationship you’re hoping will end is a disaster, and everyone shares your opinion, you can’t predict any of the following about timing:

• When that relationship will end — We’ve all seen many relationships ending and then not end. We see the fights, the struggles and suddenly the two people become married with kids. It doesn’t make sense from the outside, but relationships always look different from far away. If you think you can predict exactly when the two people will break up, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Or you have a magic crystal ball we all want a piece of.
• When it’s safe to approach the relationship with the person you like — You can’t ask someone out the day they break up with their partner. Not only is it insensitive to their situation, you know they will likely turn you down. But when is the right time? How do you know which day is safe? Is it after a week? A month? A year? Everyone is different, too. Some people are ready to move on after one day, others will take that year. Again, we’re in crystal ball territory here.

It’s very easy to get the timing wrong the other way too. You could decide to give the person you like a year to move on from their break up before asking them out and:

• They end up dating someone else
• They end up getting back together with their ex
• They move away, overseas or you fall out of communication with them
• In short, waiting is an exercise in futility when it comes to dating. There is no perfect timing and there is extreme perfect timing.

Getting the two to meet, aligning this time with perfect precision, is almost impossible.

3. Does the person even like you?

Forget time and logistics, does the person you’re waiting for even feel the same way?

I’m sure it’s easy to justify the ways in which they could.

Flirting is one of the most misinterpreted methods humans use for interaction. We get it wrong more often than we get it right.

Waiting for them to become single to find this out can easily be a waste of your time, especially if you’ve kept your relationship self on the shelf just in case they do.

Though you’re not in any hurry to have a relationship, there is so much you could have been doing with your life whilst you waited.

You may find the one during the time you choose to wait.

It’s likely you’re not going to find out if the person has feelings for you until they’re single. It’s easily misconstrued as emotional cheating, if you confess to someone else you have feelings for them.

Even then, it could be a crush and not enough to turn it into a serious relationship, which you might be hoping for.

4. Even if it happens, prepare to be the rebound

Let’s say your waiting paid off. Good for you. Though I would say you’re the exception to the rule. But sometimes you can have good outcomes and get the relationship you want.

But is the relationship you want with them meant to be a rebound?

Because the closer you are to the last one ending, the higher your probabilities are of that being the case.

In reality, no one wants to be the rebound. And most people aren’t hoping to begin a relationship knowing it’s a rebound. Or in a relationship forged on rebound rules.

Rebounds aren’t regarded as long-standing relationships. We know most of them end quicker than they started.

With a few exceptions, rebounds realise the situation and leave before they get hurt. Alternatively, the one doing the rebound realises they need to move on from their past, which includes who they’re rebounding with.

For me, I wouldn’t want to be waiting around to be the rebound.

If you're a little unsure about rebounds, I highly recommend you check this article out:

5. What happens if they find out you were waiting?

And when the person eventually discovers that you were waiting for them to break up with their ex, more than likely they won’t find it that cute. When they find out:

• They assume you tried to break them up with their ex — Even if you had nothing to say or do with their relationship ending, somehow the point of the blame turns to you. Perhaps it was your lack of involvement, too.
• They assume you aren’t genuinely being supportive of them — If they know you were waiting, they could rightly assume any sympathy you have for their last relationship ending is fake. You were acting sympathetic to make sure you could swoop in.
• They second guess any advice you give them because your motive is to make sure they are with you — Basically, you’re being second-guessed for the whole relationship. If it’s a friendship turned to romance, they can’t be sure you were ever being a good friend when you had an agenda to date them.

6. You’re the a**hole and everything backfires on you

This waiting for people to break up strategy isn’t exactly a guarantee for relationship success. We all know there are no guarantees, and this one is a far cry from the ‘possible pile’.

But this strategy of dating has far more downsides than up. And it’s easy to end up red-faced as the person hovering and waiting for a break-up to happen.

If you can handle the rejection from someone you like, the risk might be worth it. But these situations are between friends, and existing relationships, where there is more at stake.

It’s at this moment you need to decide what you want more. Is it a relationship with the person at all? Or romance?

You risk everything in this process. And you could end up left with nothing.

It’s your choice. But you know the risks.

Choose wisely.

I've chosen these two articles because they're all about dating a friend, which is often what this waiting is all about: