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It’s Possible No One Is Going To Believe Your Partner Cheated On You

Even though it’s the worst day of your dating life, it’s about to get worse.

By Ellen "Jelly" McRaePublished 2 years ago 7 min read
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I used to think getting cheated on was the worst thing that could possibly happen to you in a relationship.

Break-ups suck.

Fights sometimes feel unsurvivable.

And tension feels like it burns a hole in your patience.

Yet, when someone cheats on you, it feels like they couldn’t be anything else that could break your heart more than it’s already damaged.

When cheating happens in your relationship, you almost can’t believe it. It’s happened to me, that hit by a truck feeling. I was even warned by a friend who suspected my ex was being unfaithful. Well, suspected is too nice of a word. She knew he cheated on me.

But I refused to believe my friend.

As I found out for myself he was unfaithful, I struggled to comprehend the events that unfolded. I refused to believe he could do this. I buried my head in the sand.

What I didn’t need right now was anyone in my life burying their heads with me. I needed them to listen, care and help me through my heartache.

But there were people who thought I was making this up. They thought I was lying about his infidelity. They refused to concede he could do such a thing.

That’s when I discovered cheating wasn’t the worst thing someone could do to you in a relationship. It was someone thinking you were making it up.

Here’s how to get through it when it happens to you.

Do you tell people they cheated?

Here is the first issue we need to address before we look into the disbelief itself. It’s about the idea of telling people your partner cheated on you.

We’re becoming a more open society. We share everything we do on social media, from what we eat to breakfast to how bad our period pain is that day. For many, we’re living in TMI overload.

This can easily translate into your everyday life. There are some people who don’t want to know about what happens behind closed doors in your love life. They will think it inappropriate to know, listen or comment on the ins and outs of your relationship.

It’s not socially polite.

It means you will have some people in your life who won’t share their disbelief with you.

They will do much worse. They will simply ignore what’s happening, acting like it didn’t happen at all. Whether it’s true or not is irrelevant.

The problem is that you shared too much.

Often you don’t know this until you tell people and they provide their reaction. It’s another problem that makes the belief situation even worse to navigate. It can make you feel like you’re not being believed, anyway.

You need to learn who in your life you can have this type of relationship with, where you can divulge your honest experiences without judgement. If you’re worried someone isn’t going to believe it happened, they’re likely going to want to avoid talking about it all.

The two go hand in hand.

In short, know your audience.

You’re lying for sympathy

Here is where the online problem comes into play.

As we strive to publicise everything about our lives online, we like to make our life look as pretty as possible.

And this involves creating dramatics and careful exaggeration to create a story.

Without anything you say or do, people can assume this is what you’re doing in real life. Everyone is making their lives sound like something it isn’t. It’s not a far cry for you to be doing the same.

You’re making up a reason to gain sympathy, rather than saying what ‘really happened’. You’ve told a lie because you want comfort when you wouldn’t get it, otherwise.

You’re lying because ‘you cheated’

There will be some who think you’re telling this story because you’re trying to get in first. You’re trying to cover for the fact you were the one who cheated yet you say it was them, instead.

Deflecting the blame is a very common tactic when two parties go to war. And in this situation, you’re at emotional war with your partner and the people in your life.

This is another situation where you don’t need to have said anything specific for someone in your life to think this about you. It’s sort of a ‘one plus one equals three’ scenario.

People can assume things that aren’t actually there. It sucks for you, and this is one interpretation you can’t control.

You’re a known liar

But if you have a reputation for lying, exaggerating or making a big deal out of little issues, people will assume you’re lying about your partner cheating. It’s a classic case of the boy who cried wolf. Even if it’s not about relationships, once a liar, always a liar.

Why you would want to lie about this is a mystery to me, unless you’re the one doing the dirty. Even then, bringing attention to the situation seems counterintuitive.

Why mention it all if it’s a lie?

The only possible answer for that is sympathy, which I mentioned. Even still, there are better ways of seeking sympathy without burying your partner.

It might also be the way you recounted the cheating incident, too. You sound happy about it, or you’re laughing about the situation. It’s easy to tell a story that makes you sound insincere and cavalier about your relationship.

And with insincerity comes doubt.

They don’t think your partner is capable

Some people are cheaters, some people aren’t. That’s how black and white it is for humans.

Perhaps it’s that you have a cheating face (whatever that is), or you don’t. Or people don’t think you have the nerve to do the dirty on someone else.

You’ve never even had an overdue library fine, how could you cheat on someone?!

This is the most infuriating part of being the cheat-ee. You know, from your very real experience, that everyone is capable of cheating. Timing, opportunity, desire, boredom, it doesn’t matter.

As long as you’re living and breathing, you can inflict heartache.

Your story sounds too ridiculous

Some cheating stories sound like a work of fiction. The events that unfolded are straight from the pages of a Netflix series about cheating professionals.

If you’ve seen the Tinder Swindler, you will know what I’m talking about.

Or if you’ve ever read Mills and Boons, you might know of such soap opera-like stories that are incredulous compared to everyday life.

It’s not your fault that your partner decided to cheat using the most dramatic and elaborate ways.

You didn’t script their behaviour.

And if you had the opportunity, you would have scripted their actions much differently.

Some people aren’t obliged to believe you

If your partner’s sister doesn’t believe you, I wouldn’t be too surprised. There are some people in your life conditioned not to take your side.

These people are usually the mutual connections with your partner.

Specifically, it’s their family and friends.

Their instinct will be to sympathise and side with the person they know better. Even if they know you’re in the right, they can’t be seen switching loyalties.

It’s messed up; the people who need support often don’t get it.

I’ve been there.

One bad experience and you start lying about your relationship

Here is what I’ve said a few times, and I will say it again; anyone’s disbelief of your cheating horrors is not your fault.

And from here, the temptation will be to shut down any conversation about your love life. You won’t feel like confiding in anyone about what has happened.

The trust you need to seek support and solace with your loved one will naturally evaporate.

If you can, resist the urge to shut down entirely.

Find people who lift you up and believe your story. Don’t let the haters, the disbelievers, be the ones to make you doubt yourself.

What happened to you sucked. And whether people believe you or not doesn’t change the fact it happened.

Or the fact you have to move on.

Here is some recommended reading about cheating:

breakupsdatinglove
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About the Creator

Ellen "Jelly" McRae

I’m here to use my wins and losses in #relationships as your cautionary tale | Writes 1LD; Cautionary tale #romance fiction | http://www.ellenjellymcrae.com/

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