If you find yourself in an altercation with anyone, there is no need to wonder whether you are right or not. You are always right! Yes, that is what I said, YOU are always right when recalling details for argumentative purposes. At least that is what I have learned in my recent studies. scientists say the human brain will only retain that which it deems necessary to retain, and that is about fifty percent of what "actually happened". Yes, only % therefore you ARE right when it comes to the % you retained. Your mind keeps what it believes is valid to you and the person you are attempting to have this discussion with, will do the same. To clear this all up for you, an argument will not reach a point of resolution when two people stand firmly in THEIR version. Suggested by a variety of therapists and gurus' I have been studying, it is wise to simply hear it all, pluck out the facts and simply focus on them.
I recently tried this when my husband and I reached a point of heated discussion (over finances), how cliche but nonetheless it was. In a situation like this we have the opportunity to react in a destructive way or accept it for what it is and work together toward a resolution. I just learned this method and have only ONE time to practice and wow was it ridiculous. I fluctuated between raised voice full of anger to breathing techniques and a calmer voice, as he unleashed HIS wrath of defense. Back and forth, each word louder than the one before, and no end in sight as we both search for "comeback words of character defense". Soon there will be nothing but a hot mess between us with no resolution but a deficit of time that could have been spent enjoying each other.
The simplest way to diffuse an argument or discussion is to step out of your emotions (they cannot be trusted), and pull the facts. It is ONLY in the facts that you can find resolution and RELIEF! Ha! It is in NO way easy to do especially when in the moment of heated discussion but I knew something had to give and that something would be me. I did my best to not take what was being said personally (hard enough I KNOW) and manage to simply speak facts (all while fighting back emotions) what the hell was I thinking? It all ended well with at least some resolution and common ground to stand on. All small victories are still victories and I will take that.
In conclusion, if you remember this "you are right up to 50%" when engaging in conflict, you should fare well. Now don't get me twisted and think you should simply engage in arguments, discussion or debates with facts and you will manage to win. Winning is not who gets to walk away feeling spectacular for tearing the other person apart. Now say that again and see how that sentence makes you feel. Tearing someone apart with a good tongue lashing is just as violent as slapping the shit out of them in a fight. The advantage of the physical fight is that you will heal and move on where a war with words will imprint itself until you believe that you are who this person says you are. Now ask yourself this, do you want to be someone who imprints such an attack? Stick to the facts, kick the feelings to the curb and remember, YOU are ONLY 50% right.