Yes, Dear!

“Ralph!”

“Yes, dear.”

“I’m having the girls over for a late afternoon get-together, so you’ll need to find someplace to go for three or four hours. I’m sure you don’t want to be hanging around the house while a bunch of women are yakking away about things you have no interest in. Honestly, I don’t think men have anything interesting to talk about. It’s always sports, cars, or politics. Can you do that?”

“Yes, dear.”

“Good! Now, before you go to where ever it is you’re going, I have a list of items for you to get at the grocery store. You know I’d get them myself, but I have more important things to do. I have an appointment to get my hair and nails done, and that always takes longer than I plan for. It wouldn’t be proper to have the ladies over looking like this. Men just don’t understand how important it is to look the part of an excellent host along with being one. You understand, don’t you, Ralf?”

“Yes, dear.”

“Oh, I’m sure you really don’t but it doesn’t matter.”

“Now, it’s very important that you get everything on this list and only what’s on this list. I can’t deal with any substitutions. I know it looks like a lot, but I’m sure you will find everything in one and definitely not more than two stores.”

“You must be back in time for us to get it all prepared. There is simply not enough time for me to prep all this food by myself. You know how fussy these ladies are about their food.”

“You probably don’t remember me telling you this, but I told you about the get-together at Mildred’s house last week. Everything started out just wonderfully, but the biscuits were a little doughy and it ruined the whole evening. Buy only the items and brands that are on the list. Just stick to the list and you should be all right. Okay, Ralph?”

“Yes, dear.”

Karen returned from her appointments and was immediately distraught because Ralph was not there waiting for her. Finally, she could wait no longer and dialed Ralf’s number.

“Ralph, what’s taking you so long? I’ve been back for over an hour and you’re still not home. Do you have everything on the list?”

“Yes, dear. Some items were more difficult to find than others. I had to go all the way across town for one of them, But I have everything. I’ll be home shortly.”

“Well, it’s about time! Start unloading the bags so we can get them all prepared. Since it’s so late, you will need to stay and finish in the kitchen so I can get ready to greet my guests. If you’re a little late for whatever it is, you’re doing, that’s ok. I’m sure it won’t matter.”

“Wait, what is all this stuff: Cream, Bread, Black-Eyed Peas, Cranberries, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Meat Loaf, Vanilla Ice, Pearl Jam, Korn, M&M’s? None of this is on the list I gave you.”

“Yes dear, it is. See for yourself. You gave me strict instructions to only buy what is on the list. That’s what I did. Finding Pearl Jam was the most difficult. That’s why I had to go across town.”

“You idiot! That’s my playlist, not my shopping list.”

“I’m sorry, Karen, but you were very specific about only getting what was on that list and nothing else. You know how you hate it when I question your instructions.”

“Have a delightful time, dear. I’ll be home after the card game at Ed’s finishes. We’re having chips, sandwiches, and beer. The guys really hate it when I’m late. By!”