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Will the One Who Deceives Once Deceive Again?

Is This Saying True or Just a Myth?

By Colm GouldingPublished 2 years ago 6 min read
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Will the One Who Deceives Once Deceive Again?
Photo by Meritt Thomas on Unsplash

Will the one who cheats once cheat again - or the famous saying "once a cheater, always a cheater"? The truth is that yes, sometimes infidelity in a relationship will be repeated. But to characterize a person as unfaithful by profession and to conclude that he will surely deceive again is a simplification and an exaggeration.

Of course, it may be easier to dismiss the infidel by believing that once he cheated, he will cheat again, based on the idea that a person reveals his real face by what he does away from the eyes of the world, secretly. But every infidelity has different causes, every couple relationship has different problems and we cannot generalize by saying that the infidelity will be repeated!

When you find out that your partner cheated on you, the important questions are: "why did he cheat, under what circumstances?" and "can I forgive?" The answer to the last question must be found only after looking for the root of the partner's infidelity, the reason why he took the wrong step.

Many times, your partner promises that he will change, that he will never cheat again - but how do you know if you can believe him? The causes that led to the betrayal are important - because if you are going to give your partner a chance, you need to discuss and eliminate those causes from your relationship.

Will the one who cheats once cheat again? Find out what led to infidelity:

Unmet needs and emotional distance between you - often, a cheating partner does it because he no longer gets what he needs from the relationship: affection, attention, appreciation. He feels an intense hunger for affection and attention if he is in a relationship of a cold couple, distance, indifference.

Although it is so easy to blame only the infidel, sometimes the responsibility lies with both partners - and so is the responsibility to heal the relationship. When someone does not receive much time from their partner to meet their emotional (but also sexual) needs, they will look outside the relationship.

The need for something else. Maybe the relationship was a good one, but the partner felt the need for a change, to get out of the routine and to experience something else. Sometimes, the partner feels that he has been capped, that the relationship no longer offers him anything and does not bring him anything exciting.

This often happens when one of the partners feels the desire to live intensely again, to feel intense again. When he regrets those crazy emotions that characterize the beginning of the couple's relationship: those butterflies in the stomach that disappear so quickly… Often, the partner will cheat in search of those strong feelings; and often he will confuse the attraction, the thrills of attraction, desire, fantasy, and secrecy with real feelings…

A flirtation, then more - the partner experiences new sensations, which can lead him to infidelity and which he can even confuse with genuine feelings. This can happen when the relationship is routinely stuck for too long or when the unfaithful partner goes through a crisis in his life (such as the age crisis, when the partner wants to feel intense again, to prove that he is young… having an affair !).

Relationship issues. Will the one who cheats once cheat again? Quite possibly, if he is so immature that instead of facing any problems his relationship would have, he escapes on an adventure! Sometimes, various problems arise in the relationship: quarrels; dissatisfaction; monotone; and others.

When an immature partner feels upset and unhappy, when the relationship no longer suits him, he can choose to run away from reality and live an adventure.

The desire for revenge. Infidelity can also be an (equally immature) way to get revenge on your partner. Either because you believe or know that he cheated too, or because you feel betrayed for various reasons or you feel unhappy, ignored, unappreciated. And cheating is a childish way to teach the other a hard lesson…

A moment of weakness… The partner who cheats only sexually, falling prey to temptation at a time when he is weak, vulnerable (unhappy and alone, intoxicated by alcohol) should not be labeled as simple as an infidel. It can be a singular mistake - a serious mistake: but everyone makes a mistake.

When looking for an answer to the question "who cheats once will cheat you again?", You need to think about your partner's past: did it inspire confidence in the beginning? Have you ever suspected that he cheated on you in the past? In his previous relationships, do you have any idea if he cheated on his partners?

And when you think about whether to try to forgive his infidelity, consider what he says and the degree to which you believe what he tells you: do you sincerely regret and wish you had not done so, or rather regret that he was?

Or does the sea promise you salt, but in your soul you know that he is an egocentric person, who only focuses on what he wants to do? It seems to you that he justified his betrayal to himself and that he hoped that you would not find out - when the unfaithful partner thinks "what is not there, does not harm anyone", there are chances to cheat again…

And when constantly putting yourself first, when you focus only on his desires, you have a partner at risk of being unfaithful…

Just as important as the reason for your partner's infidelity and confrontation with him is your ability to overcome betrayal and truly forgive. You can do it? Are you the one to forgive a cheating partner? Do you believe in his remorse and regrets or do they seem false to you? Do you want to give yourself time to get over this betrayal, even if it will be a difficult process?

Are you able to work with your partner to clarify and resolve any issues you may have? (Because if the reason for the infidelity still exists, it is very likely to be repeated).

Never forget: to forgive means not to bring the past into the present - if you talk and come to the decision to try to get over it, then you will have to let go of betrayal in the past. Under no circumstances should you throw them in front of your partner when she is arguing with you, do not use this to manipulate him or make him feel guilty.

Equally important: will you be able to live with the constant fear that infidelity will be repeated? Or will you always feel a sting and doubts? Some people can overcome this difficult crisis in their married life, others do not

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