Why You Should Withhold Intimacy Before Marriage

Intimacy feels great, there’s no doubt about that. It’s one of the perks of marriage and dating. And with the rising popularity of dating apps, it’s common for many couples and even strangers to have physical intimacy before marriage.

For those with old-fashioned values, this may come as a surprise. In recent years, modern dating has become more fast-paced, shifting the traditional concept of intimacy before marriage, aside from the popular hook-up culture.

Some even use their physical compatibility as a way to measure their willingness to commit to the relationship.

So if this is the norm in the dating culture, why exactly should you wait before marriage?

According to a study from the Journal of Family Psychology, couples who delay physical intimacy until their wedding night end up having happier and more stable marriages. By developing a deep level of emotional connection before consummating their marriage, they were able to reap several benefits.

And here are 5 reasons why:

You can focus more on their personality

If you’ve been in the dating game for a while, then you’re familiar with the dating routine. You meet someone, go on a couple of dates, and somewhere between date six and date ten, you start being intimate.

This happens again and again, leading to achieving some life milestones. You move in together and get married. This is great and all, but according to the American Psychological Association, 40 to 50% of marriages in the U.S. end up in divorce.

No one wants to marry with the intention of divorce down the road, but in some cases, it happens. Sometimes it is out of our control and there’s nothing we can do about it. So how does abstaining from physical intimacy have anything to do with this?

In the best-case scenario, removing physical intimacy out of the picture actually allows you to cultivate a deeper emotional and mental connection with your partner. It’s not about the physical attraction anymore that draws you to your partner, but their personality traits and values.

Good physical intimacy does not mean you’ll have a good marriage

We’ve been led to believe that good intimacy means you’ll likely end up having a good partner. But that isn’t necessarily the case. A relationship cannot survive on physical intimacy alone.

In fact, according to Natalie Maximets, a certified life transformation coach, a large percentage of married couples end up having a sexless marriage. It’s ironic considering the decision to get married is to have physical intimacy regularly.

One of the common reasons why couples stopped having physical intimacy is stress and life circumstances. Social obligations get in the way or one of you feels exhausted from work. This may cause the libido level to go down and trying to get it back may prove too tiring.

At this point, it’s important to realize dry spells are normal for married couples. It may last weeks or months. If this happens, this just means both of you need to set aside time for yourselves to relax and unwind. Either a getaway, vacation, or even taking separate time alone can help rekindle marital sex.

It helps you establish a stronger mental and emotional connection

A relationship doesn’t only consist of physical intimacy. There are other aspects that make a relationship work, and that’s having an emotional, mental, and spiritual connection.

Since you’ll be spending a lot of time with them in the near future or have already spent a great deal of time with them, establishing a strong connection beyond physical attraction is inherently important for any marriage to survive.

Because no matter how attractive you find your partner and how physically compatible you are, it’ll eventually fade. And when that happens, it’s up to the mental and emotional connection to keep the relationship afloat, and it even helps reignite the romantic spark.

By building a strong mental and emotional connection before doing the act of consummation, physical intimacy takes a back seat for deeper conversations.

It helps build self-control and discipline

Self-control and discipline are the two essential keys to being successful in anything, including business, relationships, and health. By learning how to say no to yourself and delaying instant gratification, it allows you to exercise complete control over your own decisions.

It’s a learned skill that you can apply to all aspects of your life, and once you get the hang of it, it becomes a powerful tool in your corner. It also helps if your partner walks alongside you on the journey towards discipline and self-control.

Sharing a personal conviction with the same end goal may allow a relationship to grow and evolve.

Waiting makes intimacy more meaningful

Waiting before marriage is strictly rooted in tradition. According to the bible, marriage along with consummating between man and woman is a sacred act in the eyes of the Lord. It represents their sincerity and their purity as well.

But let’s not assume most people who decide to save themselves for marriage are religious. For some, it might be because they want to wait for the right person. Others choose to abstain from physical intimacy because they want to.

And they may have made the right decision. A study by Brigham Young University showed that couples who waited to explore their physical compatibility after marriage ended up reaping more benefits compared to couples who had physical intimacy before marriage.

It made their experience that much stronger and more fulfilling, leading to a happier union.

Should you wait until marriage?

Humans are hard-wired for physical intimacy. At a basic level, it feels good and it is a survival instinct passed down from generation to generation throughout the centuries. But while society has evolved past predators who threaten human extinction, all that’s left is pleasure.

It’s a momentary feeling. Like recreational drugs, it gives you a good feeling, and over a long period of repeated use can make you feel emotionally numb. What’s left is a vacuum of emotional unfulfillment and a deep desire for a substantial connection.

In the past, it might have been easy to wait until marriage, but with so much blatant sensuality in our modern culture, it might be a challenge to avoid the temptation. Ultimately, it’s a personal decision both you and your partner need to decide on.

Do you have a special someone in your life? If not, why not try international dating? Because who says you can only date women in your area? There are lots of beautiful single ladies abroad also looking for a chance at love. And who knows, you just might end up meeting the love of your life.