Why Moving In with Your Partner Early On Might Be the Best Decision Ever

I’m a commitment freak.

At 18, I stopped looking for flings and I started searching for my husband.

I walked into classrooms, cafés and libraries, low key thinking, “Hmm, I wonder if my husband is here?” (I admit I’m a tiny bit crazy.)

Well, he wasn’t. Until I stopped waiting for things to happen to me and I actually chose to ask someone out on a date. I took action. I fell in love. I started dating this guy, slowly strengthening our bond, and then, about 6 weeks in…

Lockdown happened. My flatmates moved out and I had to choose: Do I move back to the Czech Republic, or do I move in with my new boyfriend?

I opted for the latter and it turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve made in 2020. We spent all of April watching Game of Thrones and having sex three times a day, eating take out and doing essentially nothing.

As April faded into May and then June, our life slowly gained back its structure, and we naturally established systems that turned us back into normal human beings with responsibilities and productive activities. We emerged from our lockdown honeymoon period with a stronger sense of who we are and what we want our relationship to be.

During the past six months, we grew very intimate, closer than I have ever felt with anyone before.

And I think I found my husband. I’m sure of it especially for one simple reason: I live with him. And it works. I’ve never lived with a boyfriend before, but I’ve lived with friends — and it didn’t work nearly as well as it does with him.

I never imagined I would move in with my boyfriend 6 weeks after meeting him, yet here I am. Life is funny that way.

And if there’s one thing this experience has taught me, it’s that moving in together early on might actually be a good thing. So many people look at this as a serious step that people opt for after years of dating. Oh no, moving in together, wow, you must be really serious then! Huh, good luck with that!

You can date a person for two years, only to move in together and realise that you absolutely hate co-habiting with them. What do you do then? Do you suck it up and learn to survive somehow? Do you break up? Do you make it work?

Do you weep that you’ve wasted two years on a relationship that actually leads to nowhere?

As a person planning to spend the rest of my life with one partner because I simply can’t be bothered to date around anymore, my time is precious. I don’t look for someone who will be good enough. I look for the best possible fit.

I look for someone I can open my soul to, someone who will understand me in all of my humanity, someone who will be there for me forever and who will be happy to see me grow into the best version of myself. I want someone I will support and plan my future with. I want someone I look at and think: “I want his children so bad. He’ll be a wonderful dad.”

What’s more, I need someone who will make a marriage work. And that means living together, in the same house, for the rest of our lives.

Choosing to move in together might actually save you time. Here’s what you learn from it early on.

If they’re a messy monster

And if they mind you being one.

Everyone has their own levels of how messy or freakishly clean they can get, and you need to make sure that your messiness suits the one of your partner. You can usually tell this by visiting them and seeing the state of their bedroom, but living together takes it to a brand new level because now there are two of you sharing one mess.

My boyfriend and I are suckers for leaving empty glasses on the bedside table and throwing clothes wherever we feel like our bodies want to turn. Since we got a dishwasher, we’ve been doing an alright job with our kitchen.

I’d say that our general messiness is on a similar level. This works because whenever one of us suggests cleaning, the other one automatically joins in without complaining. We also don’t pester each other about leaving stuff in places they don’t necessarily belong.

We’re not overly clean and we’re not overly messy (most of the time).

Do you know how messy your partner is? Can you deal with it for decades to come?

If they’re a household chores angel

Aah, household chores. My favourite one.

I grew up in a family where my dad didn’t lift a finger and kept shouting why the hell was his house so messy all the time when he had a wife and two daughters. Mind you, he had the most free time out of all of us.

He never shared chores with my mum — he helped her out. When he cooked once in two weeks, he boasted about being the best husband in history. He refused to iron because it was a “women’s job.” He worked less than my mum did.

Naturally, I grew up with the intention to either find a feminist husband or to stay single for the rest of my life. There’s no way I would ever become my mum. She was miserable.

My boyfriend has been automatically sharing household chores with me since we moved in together. When I cook, he does the dishes. When he takes the bins out, I put a new bin bag in. When I clean the bathroom, he does the laundry. When I go to work and he stays at home, he cooks because he has more time.

Don’t wait for three years only to find out that your boyfriend expects you to be his mother. It can lead to serious dissatisfaction and misunderstandings.

If they’re okay with your shit

Living together means sharing a bathroom. I had never pooped in front of my partners before and now I do it quite regularly. We often go to the bathroom together and I’m taking a shower while he’s using the toilet or the other way around.

We also clean ourselves in front of each other, brush our teeth together and laugh at each other’s farts. Everyone has their own limit on how intimate they want to be with each other, and it’s essential to establish how much you want to share of yourself with your partner — and how much they’re willing to accept.

My boyfriend and I are absolutely bare and open with each other, something that I’ve longed for in a relationship for the longest time. It fulfils me and it makes me feel comfortable because I feel like I can be myself in all of my physicality, and he’ll still love me and be attracted to me.

That’s what I call marriage material.

If their daily energy matches yours

Nobody wants to wake up and deal with a cranky person right away.

If you want to marry this person one day, you need to know if their everyday self is compatible with yours. Are they comfortable sitting in the living room with you, working on their own laptop while you’re on yours, enjoying the silence?

Are they generally nice to be around? Are they kind to you on a regular basis? Do they make you feel at ease? Do you look forward to coming home to them?

Those are some important questions to ask.

When you move in together, you basically try out what your married life might look like. It’s better to do this soon than to wait and be disappointed later. You should take your time, of course, and do things in the pace that makes you most comfortable.

Moving in together early on isn’t such a big deal. You can always move out. You don’t have to think about it so seriously — it’s like living with flatmates, but better because you love this person intimately and plan your future with them.

It makes the relationship stronger, it shows you a realistic glimpse at what your future life might look like, and it teaches you a lot about your partner.

So, don’t waste that precious time and try out moving in together. You have nothing to lose. Later you might.

This article was originally published here.