Why Love Causes Pain

Love is a force that can not be reckoned with. Bigger than anyone can even imagine. Love is inherently free and you cannot make someone love you. It cannot be turned on as a reward or off as a punishment. Of course, that doesn’t mean that we can use love as a way to be destructive or abusive to another living thing. Love is also inherently compassionate and empathetic. But it also brings about pain. Which I can imagine we have all felt at some point maybe during a breakup.

Your body can physically feel your guard going down which is why love feels so darn good. So why does something so beautiful eventually lead to so much pain, so many tears, and so many broken hearts? Why are so many of us left with the sting of a minor stabbing in our chest as our eyes fill with tears? It is because having your guard down means your defenses are down and your brain knows it subconsciously. And subconsciously you will become more touchy to threat should any arise. Once the threat is trigged then cortisol is then released, and it will happen even when you sense pain as sort of a subconscious reaction. For those of you that do not know, cortisol is the chemical messenger of pain. Yes, it is a chemical reaction much like everything else in the world. And no you cannot blame your significant others because that will not work.

A chemical called oxytocin, for instance, is the one released in your body when you are feeling safe and protected. For most people, they love the oxytocin feeling and we wish it could last forever, but then suddenly it is like our brains realize that our significant other is a separate person with their own separate needs. Suddenly the oxytocin drops and the cortisol rise.

Most people, not all, react the same way to this effect. And that is the way we did when we were young. Like as a child young…the behaviors we observe as children really do play a huge role in our adult lives; let's just say that. Some of us may get mean because vulnerability just isn't our thing and some might be OK. Love sucks sometimes!

For instance, I dated a guy, and after about a year things changed. The first year was amazing, and needless I developed strong feelings for him. Although it was difficult and we were homeless together for a good chunk of it, I didn’t much care because I wanted to be with him. I didn’t want the feeling to end. After the first year, he began drinking excessively. Then he started accusing me of cheating which I wasn’t nor would I ever. I should have left him the first time he hit me, but I couldn’t because I kept remembering the good times with him. He was having the same type of chemical reaction. Well, needless to say I did leave after about three years and he is still single. Love hurts!

No matter what your beliefs are, the general concept regarding love remains the same. And that is that we should treat each other with respect and love. Spread love and not war (so to speak) in these especially trying times. When there seem to be so many problems going on within our society as well as the violence that is happening within our society.