Why Is Tolerance More Important Than Love In Having A Healthy Long-Term Relationship?

The weather was easily well below zero and it had been so for a few days. A prickle of porcupines, which are usually quite resistant to such weather, found it unbearably cold this time.

Porcupines do not usually hibernate during the winter months; instead, they feed close to their den and run back to be with the group (a prickle). They can also be seen hunched over on tree branches during such freezing weather.

The weather got so cold that even inside the den a few porcupines dropped dead. So, the others decided to stay close to each other as a tight-knit ball to keep each other warm.

When they came closer together, their quills started pricking and hurting each other. Shocked and disappointed, they moved apart for a while. The cold was killing them again. So they came closer and got pricked all over. They moved away one more time.

After this happened for a few cycles, they realized that it was better to tolerate a bit of pain and displeasure from their group so as to keep all of them warm and alive. They had to make a stern choice. Accept the quills of their family and friends or perish.

They chose to get back into a close group and learned to live with little wounds and scars caused by their companions in order to receive the warmth of their togetherness.

Similarly, we know how to love someone much better than how to tolerate the person we love and care for.

For instance, we know how to make someone happy by taking them out to a restaurant, giving them fancy presents, flowers, cooking a meal, etc. It’s important, for sure.

But how many of us really know how to take care of the person we love when they are stressed, exhausted, angry, or wrecked emotionally and start hurting us with words? It hurts, and it causes long-lasting mental wounds and scars.

On some other day, it could be your turn to hurl words at your partner. Words can not be taken back once spoken. We all know that very well. But you are with the right person and you know it and your partner knows it as well. You both also know there are going to be ups and downs.

Friction in a healthy relationship is inevitable and also needed for a deeper understanding of each other’s characters, needs, and desires.

How much a person loves you will become evident more during times of adversity than during times of normalcy or ecstasy.

Be happy when your partner is happy, and be sad when your partner is sad. That’s ok. But to be angry or angrier when your partner is angry is wrong and is the root cause of most issues in relationships.

It’s very important to keep your ego at bay during such times. It usually takes a lot of practice to inculcate this habit, but it’s worth its weight in gold.

If you know and feel you are with the right person, tolerating them is a wise choice and perhaps the hardest choice until it becomes a habit. It will be reciprocated time and time again by your partner and that’s crystal clear proof that you are meant to be with each other.

The porcupines tolerated a bit of pain as they knew it was going to be only for a short time. This way, they don’t have to lose each other and can get out of bad times as winners, so that they can witness many more springs and summers together.

But there’s going to be a bit of tolerable pain and scars as a consequence. But when sunny days are always ahead, it’s no big deal to tolerate transient turmoil.

Most relationships would run their complete course if people knew the importance of tolerating the right person by looking at the bigger, sunnier, happier picture ahead.

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Thanks for taking the time to read.

Love, Peace, and Bliss