Why Can't I Find A Partner?

Did you know that this is one of the most searched questions on Google? Every day, thousands of people wonder why they never manage to maintain a relationship.

So you are not the only one who suffers for this reason. What is paradoxical is that today, it is so easy to communicate and even meet people around the world, there are still so many people frustrated by not finding their better half.

We seem to be getting used to talking to a keyboard-screen. And when we have a human being next to us, our insecurities and fears come to the surface, as if behind that screen there wasn't someone real!

In fact, we are losing more and more communication skills, and that can have serious consequences. The failure to properly convey what we think or feel (or listen to others) is one of the major causes behind this "inability" to find a partner.

But the cell phone or social networks are not to blame for everything, there are more causes and they depend on each personal case. People who do not manage to find a partner have some common characteristics. Intrigued? Scared if you meet them?

The first step to changing your relationship situation is to identify what may be going wrong with you. We help you to find out

Possible causes

These are the general characteristics of those who do not find a partner:

- Having too high expectations and being too demanding.

If you set excessive requirements and look for someone very idealized, you will probably never find anyone "good enough" for you.

In the end, it's a good filter to keep people away so you don't have to expose yourself to being intimate with anyone and have your own shortcomings come to the surface. The imperfect one will always be the other.

- Being intolerant and inflexible.

When we do not accept others as they are (with their faults and virtues) or expect them to do everything the way we want, it is very likely that we find it difficult to coexist, to share moments with others.

Being intimate with imposing and rigid people is not pleasant, since it seems that the only valid thing is their criteria and they provoke strong tensions.

- Low self-esteem.

If you do not feel worthy of the love of others, it is easy to unconsciously reject it when it approaches you.

How can I accept the love of others if I myself am incapable of loving and treating myself well?

- Shyness, excessive introversion.

You live in panic about what others will say and think. You can't stand being criticized or rejected. Your strong insecurities make you withdraw to avoid facing what makes you so nervous.

And in the end you protect yourself so much that you hurt yourself because no one can break through the steel barrier you have set up for yourself. And yet, you are eager for someone else to do it.

- Strong self-demand and perfectionism.

It has a lot to do with the first point. If you are "Doña Perfecta" and you don't miss a single mistake, you will do the same with others.

You will always be tense inside and that will make you jump at the slightest opportunity. You want to reach an ideal of perfection that does not exist, that is unfair and that hurts you.

- Having "Disney ideals".

This is another point related to the first one. If in your head everything has to be "romantically perfect" and you do not accept anything that is not like in Hollywood movies, you will be rejecting many opportunities.

- Internal labels.

Check what things you are saying to yourself: "I am not worthy to have a partner", "I am unbearable", "I am unlucky in love", "I am a disaster"....

These messages that you repeat to yourself unconsciously condemn you, sabotage you and rob you of the possibility of making an effort to change, because "that's just the way I am...".

Personal fears and insecurities.

Apart from the characteristics usually shared by people who do not find a partner, Espejo points out other personal ones that may affect you:

- Fear of commitment, of losing freedom, independence and autonomy.

- Fear of deepening relationships and even fear of sex! Although it sounds paradoxical, sometimes we run away from what we desire.

- Fear of failure, of the relationship going wrong, of making mistakes, of not being good enough as a couple and/or in sex.

- Fear of criticism, of feeling rejected, judged, vulnerable, exposed. Fear of not being accepted, loved or desired.

- Fear of personal closeness, of emotional intimacy, of really connecting with another person.

- Fear of suffering. And/or to repeat painful experiences of the past.

- Fear of growing up, of maturing, of "having to jump through the hoops" of what society is supposed to expect of us.

- Fear of the unknown, of being out of control, of stepping out of your comfort zone.

- Extreme distrust of others. Being quick to label them and thinking that they are always going to be mean to you or "play tricks" on you.

All these factors (and I'm sure many more) may be behind the 'bad luck' in love.

Do you meet many of them? Relax, it's about "your inner world", not external circumstances, and it's up to you to change it.

If you have seen yourself reflected and want to get rid of this 'curse' (which probably also extends to other areas of your life) do not hesitate and contact a professional specializing in Relationships and Self-Esteem to help you as soon as possible.