Why are So Many American Insults Sexist?

What's in a Name?

Motherf***er. B*tch. Son of a b*tch. P**sy. Whore. Slut. C*nt. Bossy. Spinster.

I never considered the overwhelming sexism of everyday insults until my daughter asked me the other day, what it means if someone tells another person to 'grow a pair.'

As I explained to her that it's an insinuation that the person being told to 'grow a pair' is acting like someone who doesn't have testicles and is instead weak or wimpy, her eyebrows furrowed and she said, "so it's basically calling the other person a girl? As if being a girl is a bad thing?"

The pitch of her voice raised as she spoke. And as I watched the gears spinning in my twelve-year-old's mind, I suddenly realized the absurdity of this insult.

Grow a pair? Didn't whoever it was who came up with that "insult" think about how sensitive testicles are? While on the other hand, a vagina can literally birth babies and bounce back. What does "growing a pair" have to do with strength?

And yet, this phrase is wildly accepted as insinuating a man is weak.

Double Standards

After our conversation, I started thinking about all the common insults we use in America and how many of them are rooted in misogyny -or in other words, strongly prejudiced against women.

Even less vulgar terms like "bossy" and "spinster" are associated with negative personality traits of women.

We don't call men bossy. We call them leaders or authoritative.

And as Jennifer Dorman points out in her article, "What's in a Name? The History of Sexist Language - and How It's Changing," we don't call men spinsters. We call them bachelors. One term has a negative connotation against women who have not married by a certain age. The other is associated with single men, often coupled with the word "eligible" and seen in a positive light.

And we don't call men who have multiple sex partners sluts. We call them studs.

So what gives?

Policing Undesirable Behavior

L.V. (Lena) Kremin asserts in her paper, "Sexist swearing and slurs," that "Gender-directed swear words, as a category, provide a powerful tool to sanction actions by either gender that are contrary to the socially accepted behavior (James, 1998). From this description, it is clear that gender-directed swearing falls into the category of "policing undesirable behavior."

And let's face it - thanks to long-standing double standards that treat similar behaviors between men and women quite differently, not only are women the subject of a lot more "policing of undesirable behavior" but many of the sexist insults meant to demean women, are also used against men to imply they have the "undesirable" attributes of a woman.

As my daughter articulated so clearly - as if being a girl is a bad thing.

Turning the Tides and Taking Our Power Back

In Taylor Swift's song, "The Man" she takes a bold approach at calling out the double standards successful women face.

"What's it like to brag about

Raking in dollars

And getting bitches and models

And it's all good if you're bad

And it's okay if you're mad

If I was out flashing my dollars

I'd be a bitch, not a baller

They paint me out to be bad

So it's okay that I'm mad.

I'm so sick of running as fast as I can

Wondering if I'd get there quicker if I was a man 

And I'm so sick of them coming at me again 

'Cause if I was a man 

I'd be the man"

The first time I heard this song I thought, "yes, girl!! Tell it like it is!!" All of the behaviors that have been spun to make Taylor appear to be less than are the very same behaviors that men in her industry are revered for. And this same double standard is applied to women everywhere, every single day.

Another group has been rising up against the ways in which names are used to demean women - called SlutWalks. The group, originally started by five women in Toronto, has organized walks in over 75 cities where thousands of women (and men) have marched to demonstrate against the idea that how women dress or behave can make them a target for rape.

The name, though somewhat controversial, was picked on purpose - to take back the power of the word.

Personally, I'm proud to see a generation of strong women rising up in the girls of Gen Z, who will soon be women, who aren't going to take kindly to these kinds of insults anymore. In fact, the recent "OK Wallet" trend on TikTok has been flipping the script and putting young men in the seat of objectification.

It started in retort to men responding to women with terms like "ok dishwasher" or "ok sandwich maker," - implying a women's place is in the kitchen. Women began replying to men with "ok wallet" to imply a man's place was to provide money.

This was not received well among men and created quite a backlash. They claimed the terms they were using were meant to be funny and that women had ruined the joke by turning it around on them.

However, this only further fueled the support of the term among women. As one TikToker put it, "If you want to play the joke that it's the 1950s and we belong in the kitchen, then when we play that joke back, you would be the wallet."

Can I get an amen?

And while this momentary TikTok trend might not trigger a world of change, it's a sign that we are raising a generation of young women who are going to continue the conversation of gender equality.

And maybe in doing so, we'll see a turn towards less sexist insults.

At the very least, women will have the voice to call out the hypocrisy and continue taking their power back.

Originally published on Medium.