Who's The Victim here?

Have you ever been in a relationship or met someone that for every accusation made towards them, some horrible thing happened to them that it takes the blame away or justifies it? You tell your boyfriend or girlfriend, "I'm very upset that you stood me up and did not say anything till hours later?" and they respond, "You know what, I work my ass off and am tired why can't you understand that?!" And you're left feeling like, what the hell just happened... Or you tell them that they did something wrong and somehow it leads back to something tragic happening to them making it look like you are the bad guy. Believe me, I have dealt with that way too many times.

I understand that people are totally in their right to defend themselves, but not to the point where one cannot accept when they are wrong, and when they are, not to blame it on someone else or come up with something to justify it. From my viewpoint, it seems like for people like that to accept mistakes or criticism is way more harmful that hearing out someone else, their ego is at stake and they do not want it harmed in any way! I gotta say though, dealing with victimization is quite stressful and hurtful. You do not know how many times I have become the bad guy or felt bad for even bringing something up, when in my head all I was trying to do was communicate with that person and have an open honest conversation.

You start noticing behavior like this when it starts happening literally EVERY. SINGLE. TIME you mention something. Let me give you a quick story! :)

So my ex-boyfriend was working night shifts four times a week and would have 3 days to rest and then it would switch to working 3 times and resting 4 days every other week. So in the beginning of the relationship, I hardly saw him because all he would do was sleep those days. Eventually, after a few months of not being able to enjoy my boyfriend, I tried letting him know that we should enjoy those days off and that he can sleep in a whole day or two and the rest do something, anything, please!! He said of course! A couple weeks pass by and nothing... Again, I confronted him about it and told him that I was getting tired of just being in bed all day or not seeing him till late at night for an hour or two (cause that's how long it took him to get out of bed). He got so mad at me and told me that I do not understand his life and what he has to deal with everyday. I immediately felt guilty because I know that working late shifts is tough and I second guessed myself and thought, "Man, you really do have to sleep three to four days a week straight to even be able to have any kind of energy."

After some more time passed by, I started to get tired of the relationship. I knew from the bottom of my heart that I was communicating and trying to figure out ways to make it work around his schedule and energy. I snapped the day he told me he was going to come see me at a certain time and never came nor responded to me all day because "stuff came up". I already knew at this point and hour of day that he was barely waking up. So I broke up with him. I was tired of being put aside and being told one thing and then doing another, I saw no effort on his side to make it work with me. So when I did break up with him, he told me a story that blew my mind away. He told me that he was tired of me complaining to him all the time and that his friend just died and that he had gotten into a car crash and was at the hospital for a couple days and so that is why he could not see me. I was really confused and worried at the same time, so I told him that I'd go visit him at the hospital and guess what... NO RESPONSE. I told him to send me pictures of the accident or his car since he was fixing it and guess what? HOW DARE I NOT BELIEVE HIM! I tried asking him what happened with his friend, HOW INSENSITIVE OF ME TO ASK! Oh man, everything was adding up for me that I decided to just block him.

I think when that happened to me that is when I made the realization that people will do and say anything to seem that they are never wrong, this kind of victimization is uncalled for. This example is just one of many but the one I found to be the most dramatic story. I was able to confirm the details later on when he contacted me and begged me to go back with him, and stupidly I did, to only go through the same exact thing, just different excuses this time. I even tried bringing it up because I just had so many questions, and all I got was more questions. It is pretty crazy to me because this can be seen as a manipulative tool, and one that is meant to guilt trip you. I disagree completely and have taught myself to not let it happen to me any longer, at least try not to.

The sad thing about it is that sometimes you cannot tell it is happening to you, but the moment you feel you are always wrong, something does not add up, seems overly dramatic, or cannot they cannot seem to prove it for one reason or another, take it as a sign that something is going on. Confront it. Do not let it get the best of you. One cannot be made small because you are unhappy about something or want to confront someone about a certain thing that makes you uncomfortable, there is power in letting go of people like that. They do not deserve to keep victimizing themselves to get away with taking responsibility. The real victims are the ones dealing with this and getting mentally destroyed and manifestating the problem unto them. It is abusive and unacceptable! Say no to people like that.

One of the things I find beautiful in humans is the power to reflect back on yourself and make improvements, for others and for yourself. Remember that your opinion and feelings matter and that someone else's is not more important that yours. It is okay to make mistakes but not at the expense of others.

Thank you for reading this personal story! This is something I am currently learning about and trying to make others more aware of. I have been hearing my friends and others mentioning stories like this and I just want their voices to be heard, including everyone else in the world.

If you enjoyed or found this helpful I would appreciate a donation! If not, I am completely happy that you have made it this far, that is more than enough for me! :)