When to Seek Marriage Counsel
It is often difficult to try and save the marriage when both parties feel they are hitting a brick wall with their perceived attempts to being reasonable. The marriage counselor is usually an individual who is not interested in taking sides but more interested in getting to the root of the problem and finding a workable solution to get the marriage back on the right track.
These people are usually specifically trained to help any type of situation that is created within the marriage that has gone wrong. Couples seeking the help of a marriage counselor will usually come away quite surprised at what they learn from the sessions as well as what steps they can take to repair and or heal from what could be a traumatic relationship.
In almost all cases, miscommunication and misinterpretation are the main culprits of the discord experienced within the marriage. The marriage counselor will be able to help the couple see things in a different light and then outline ways to help create a more conducive and workable situation where both parties can participate positively towards mending the relationship.
In helping the couple identify the problem both honestly and clearly, the counselor will then be able to get both parties to work on some exercises that will help them to understand each other better, these will allow the couple to be able to face the problem head-on in a more positive and open way when the appropriate time presents itself.
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Most couples are scared to seek the help of a marriage counselor for various reasons, however seeking counsel from a counselor during challenging times of the marriage can and is a healthy way to get aspect and views from all sides of the relationship in a non-bias way. Attending marriage counseling session would also help the couple be more open as the counselor will certainly ask very probing question and will not allow either party to be evasive in their answers. This level of honestly is sometimes not forthcoming within the confines of the marriage.
Make A List of Your Goals for Your Marriage
One strong exercise that the counselor will work on with the couple is to get them to think about some goals that they wish to achieve in the relationship as well as what goals they wish to get out of counseling. The Counselor will also have the couple make a list of goals for the marriage.
Although it may seem ideal to simply drift along through the marriage, it will help to create a stronger marriage bond if both parties work out some goals, they can participate in achieving which will bring me to my next point below.
The goal setting exercise is important as it helps both parties strengthen their relationship by focusing on a common goal. It also helps to improve communication and creates the desire to help each other in a more conducive manner so that the goals set can be achieved without undue pressure.
The goals also help to validate each other’s contributions to the relationship and keep both parties accountable and committed. Part of the goal setting process would require both parties to verbalize their dreams and aspirations for the relationship, thus giving each other a clear insight into the workings of their individual mindsets.
Creating a list individually and then taking the time to sit down together to try and collaborate in forming a new list that will serve each party’s needs comfortably, would be the ideal way to go about the whole exercise of setting goals.
This list can include but not limited to:
o Personal Goals/Dreams
Once this is done, both parties would then have to decide on some sort of timeline that would be suitable and realistic in moving towards achieving the goals set.
This would include having to evaluate and revaluate certain values and mindset in order to make the goals set achievable. This time of sharing aspirations can be very enjoyable and enlightening if both parties maintain some level of intimacy and cordiality. Being accusatory and demanding will not help the exercise of goal setting for the marriage. The act of sharing goals can often bring a couple closer together and keep them more focused on each other throughout the exercise.
In closing, as you can see some of the benefits of seeking counsel for your marriage before things get too damaging and harder to handle and cope with.
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