When Parents Stay Together for the Sake of Their Children

When parents stay together for the sake of their children - how wise and appropriate can the decision to stay together as life partners be to ensure a united family for children? The intention is noble - and, after all, children are the first thing a parent thinks of.

And no matter how much the divorce rate has increased and will increase, there will always be parents who will decide to continue for their children, to give them stability, security, unity. But things don't always work out that way, and it's not always the best decision.

When parents stay together for the sake of their children…

It can be good and things can go well, as long as this is a decision made by mutual agreement between the two parents. If the two still have feelings for each other (because years of marriage and all the things they went through gave birth to strong feelings of attachment), if the two still understand each other and want to be close to each other, the family can stay together.

But parents mustn't do it strictly to protect their children from suffering (in fact, regardless of age, the child would suffer because he loses a major milestone in life). The two parents may no longer see each other as lovers and would like to have the freedom to look for another boyfriend at some point - but they must have remained friends, partners so that they can continue living together.

Because passion often disappears, especially after years and you can dream of change, novelty, adventure - in marriage, friendship is very important…

And even if there is a desire for adventure, when the two spouses have remained friends, they can choose to live together again, because they care about each other and do not imagine their lives without each other.

Without the existence of feelings, the desire to continue to be with the other (even if at the same time you want something else), without the existence of comfort offered by the relationship and family life, children can not maintain the relationship, no matter how good the parents' intentions.

In addition, even so, there will be a change in the relationship between the spouses, a difficult change, which can be difficult for them to accept in reality: they have chosen to stay together, but at the same time they realize that they no longer have what it takes. what they had and what they have now is fragile.

When one of the two parents feels pressured to stay: when there is not only a desire for novelty but even a desire to start another life, free from the ex-spouse. When, even if some feelings remain, one of the spouses does not want to continue, he wants another life (for various reasons), but he feels responsible and scared of the consequences of his departure from the family.

In this case, the relationship between the spouses is already partly lost: to remain only out of the feeling of obligation and fear that you are making others suffer, cannot ensure a normal, harmonious, balanced living together. The one who does not want the separation can use small pressures to convince the other to stay: the children being the most important.

But the husband/wife who stays only for the children and because he feels compelled will develop frustrations. So is the husband/wife who knows that their life partner would want something else and it is only for the children. The whole relationship between spouses will be changed - and not in a good way.

Maybe the crisis is over, the desire to leave the family disappears, everything returns to normal. But most of the time, unfortunately, tensions are gathering on both sides, tensions that will eventually explode and lead to another crisis - this time, maybe the final one…

When there is indifference between spouses: in general, living together and all the things that two spouses go through reinforce their feelings of attachment and habit - the relationship between them is for them a comfort zone, which gives them stability (and thus, offers stability to children ).

When, however, the parents stay together for the sake of the children, but there is a real indifference between the two spouses, who have nothing in common, are not interested in each other's lives, do not share anything intimate, this cold relationship will affect the lives of the family. Of course, they can have superficial conversations and pretend to be in front of the children - because the little ones are the reason why their relationship is still alive.

But living with a partner who is indifferent or indifferent to you is difficult and not the healthiest choice for you as a human being: don't you need someone to share things with? Of course, you can decide to stay together as long as the children are too young and would be more affected: it is a noble decision, but it requires a lot of will, the will to try in this situation to make things work.

When the two no longer support each other and when there are too many resentments… When the parents stay together for the sake of the children, but they, in reality, do not even want to sit next to each other, resentment, contempt, antipathy, even hatred, then the two spouses have nothing to do together!

Sure, they will think of children - but an angry relationship affects the whole family atmosphere. In fact, rather than witnessing heated quarrels and the coldness and contempt between their parents, it is preferable for children, in the long run, to stay with only one parent. At least in this way, although there will be suffering and shock, the child lives in a calm and balanced environment and not in a tense, aggressive, insecure one.

Quarrels between parents affect the child much more than they can achieve. In addition, when the two spouses no longer support each other, they hurt each other by staying together - how healthy can it be to live with a person you dislike, despise, even hate?

In the end - the truth is that sometimes parents stay together for the sake of their children, for fear of the consequences of separation, but also because of the financial situation: today, few would afford to separate from their spouse. no money problem.

That is why, in so many families, the relationships are not the most harmonious: frustrations, lacks, tensions accumulate, but things must continue like this…

What can parents do? Decide if anything really can be done with their relationship, to give it a little push - so that not only children are the binder. And don't forget how precious a balanced family life is for the child - so keep the issues in the intimacy of the relationship as long as possible, as long as they decide to stay together.