When dealing with people, keep in mind the "warm water effect"

Schopenhauer said in The Wisdom of Life:

"People are like hedgehogs in the cold winter. If they are too close to each other, they will sting; if they are too far away, they will feel cold."

It is necessary to maintain a moderate distance when getting along with people.

Do not deliberately cater to, do not alienate for no reason.

Only by keeping boundaries and being as plain as water can a relationship last forever.

When dealing with people, keep in mind the "warm water effect".

There is a sentence in "Han Han Shu": "Those who communicate shallowly and talk deeply are stupid."

It means that it is a foolish act to talk to someone who has no deep relationship with them.

Feel the same.

During my senior year of internship, a girl and I were assigned to the same dormitory.

I just came out to work, and I can't avoid being full of complaints.

The girl did the same, so the two of us talked to each other about our daily life, including some grievances at work and the boss's harsh words.

Over time, I regarded her as a close friend and talked about some more private things about family and personal growth.

Later, a newly hired girl moved into the dormitory.

One day I went back, and as soon as I walked into the living room, I heard chatting and laughing in the bedroom.

After listening carefully, I realized that the two of them were joking about my experience.

It turns out that the secrets that have been buried deep in my heart for many years are just things to talk about in other people's leisure time.

I was very angry at the time, but on second thought, it was actually because I didn't control my desire to talk.

Talking in a simple way is actually self-indulgent.

Only speak your heartfelt words to those closest to you, and those who are not in deep friendship should keep silent.

In addition to making fun of yourself and making deep conversations, you may also hurt others.

In the movie "Marriage Views in an Era", Charles met a friend who was not close friends at a banquet.

After chatting, he asked his friend, "How is your girlfriend?"

The friend replied, "She's not my girlfriend anymore."

In order to get closer to the other party, Charles immediately comforted him and said, "Don't be sad, people say she has been having an affair with Toby."

Unexpectedly, the friend's face changed and he said in shock, "She is already my wife."

The atmosphere immediately became embarrassing, and Charles, in order to relieve himself, continued to ask his friends when they were going to have children, but the situation got worse.

Originally wanted to be close to each other, but the result made the relationship worse.

When the friendship is not deep, you must grasp the proportions, think carefully, and speak carefully.

As Su Shi said: "Speaking softly and deeply, a gentleman is abstained."

A little bit of affection, a little bit of words, not to talk about deep things, is to respect others, and it can also reflect one's own self-cultivation.

There is a saying: "When the water is full, it overflows, and when the moon gains, it loses."

When things develop to the extreme, they will go to their opposite.

The same goes for interacting with people.

There is a theory in psychology called the "Law of Moderation in Communication".

Getting along with people requires a good grasp of a degree. Once this degree is exceeded, the outcome is often unsatisfactory.

In the variety show "Half-familiar Lovers", the female guest Lola has a cheerful and enthusiastic personality, and is the "atmosphere" of the entire show.

She is one of the most talkative, chatting enthusiastically about different topics, telling jokes to make everyone laugh.

A male guest said: "Lola is really enthusiastic and feels like she has endless energy."

On the surface, Lola's popularity seems to be very good, but when it comes to the voting session, Lola is the one who loses the election, and no boy asks her out.

Enthusiasm itself is not wrong, but too much enthusiasm can become a problem for others.

In an unfamiliar environment, everyone is still in a state of restraint, and Lola's excessive enthusiasm obviously makes others feel uncomfortable, so that no one wants to date her.

Qian Zhongshu said:

"The formation of friendship is not due to the intentional pull of the two sides, some accidental, some unconscious."

The formation of any relationship is gradual, too close, too fast, is not desirable.

Actor Jin Jing once shared one of her experiences on the show.

Jin Jing likes Big S very much. Once he met Big S on a show, he mustered up the courage to ask for the other party's WeChat.

When recording the program, Da S only maintained a very polite and polite working relationship with Jin Jing. In order to express his love for Da S, Jin Jing sent a long "confession" on WeChat.

However, Da S's reply was still very polite: "Okay, Jin Jing, thank you, and you have to do your best tomorrow."

Jin Jing was very disappointed and felt that he didn't deserve such a cold response after saying so much.

But after thinking in a different position, she quickly understood: "Maybe it is too enthusiastic, and it is also a trouble for others."

If someone suddenly said that they wanted to become good friends with her, she would also feel sudden.

To unilaterally get too close to others is actually infringing on other people's territory, and as a result, they may be farther away.

Writer Qingshan once said:

"People who are easy to hurt others and themselves are always blurred by distance and boundaries."

Get along well, too much is a disaster.

It is often not the indifference of others that annoys people, but too much enthusiasm.

Cai Kangyong once said in an interview:

"I encourage everyone to be a cold person. I don't think being too warm is a good position to maintain a good relationship with others. If you are bound by the word "warm", it will be even more difficult."

Cai Kangyong in the show has a gentle tone, an easy-going attitude, and always smiles.

But in life, he is a very cool person.

Xiao S once described him like this: "He is under the stage, as if there is a transparent film covering him, and he has a very sense of distance."

Cai Kangyong never attends other people's weddings, doesn't send birthday or holiday wishes, when he encounters questions he doesn't want to answer, and people he doesn't want to see, he just wants to quickly slip away...

However, coolness does not mean indifference.

Xiao S and many celebrities have said that in their most difficult period, Cai Kangyong helped them solve the problem.

Cool people can streamline their social circles and social time, do not disturb each other too much in normal times, but can appear at critical moments.

They just won't be bound by "warmth", under the coolness, there is a warm heart.

In the TV series "Welcome", the heroine Zheng Youen is a cold-hearted person.

She never closes the distance between herself and others deliberately, and she doesn't like to party or chat.

She has always ignored the flattery of old friends and the flattery of colleagues.

But when her colleague Nana had no place to live because of the divorce, she offered to let Nana live in her own home temporarily.

The two of them are usually busy with work, and they don't talk much, but they have become a pair of close friends.

After Nana went abroad, the two had less contact, but they met again without any barriers.

A truly comfortable relationship is not sticking together all the time, not replying messages in seconds, or endless phone calls, but when I need you, you are there; when you need me, I can be there for the first time.

Writer Su Qin once said:

"True indifference always likes to wear warm clothes; true enthusiasm always wears cold clothes."

Unpredictable enthusiasm is not as good as just right indifference.

A good relationship comes with its own coolness.

The ancients said: "The friendship between gentlemen is as light as water."

The ancient Su Shi and Huang Tingjian were both teachers and friends.

In the near future, Lu Xun and Qu Qiubai exchanged letters in the blood and rain. When the crisis came, they showed each other with sincerity and supported each other, which became a model of friendship in that era.

Not too fast, not too cold, not too hot, not too hot, not too greasy.

Beneath the plain appearance, there is a deep friendship between the two sides.

In fact, this is the case with family members, loved ones, and relatives. Vigorous incidents are easy to cause troubles, and insipid ones can be solid and long-lasting.

Sanmao once said:

"No matter how close friends are, you should not lose your sense of proportion. If you think you are familiar with yourself, it will turn out to be easy to isolate."

A good relationship is the stability of each other's hearts, when they are not together, they are safe; when they are together, they can give each other the most appropriate company.

You won't feel oppressed by being too close, and you won't feel insecure by being too distant.

The distance needs to be just right, and the temperature needs to be just right.

Interpersonal communication is a compulsory subject in life. I hope that when we get along with others, we can maintain an appropriate temperature and gain a comfortable interpersonal relationship for both parties.