What to do when you get dumped

Being dumped is hard, for everyone. It doesn’t matter how old you are, how long you had been together or how invested you felt. It’s hard.

So, in June last year I got dumped in the most spectacular fashion. I had been married for two years, we’d been together for six and I honestly thought he was the love of my life. Well duh!

The truth was that our relationship hadn’t been great for a long time, I couldn’t get pregnant, he’d had an affair, it was all just a mess and as the days went by I watched it fall apart around me.

When he finally decided enough was enough, it was so unbelievably sad. I had lost the person I had loved so fiercely but I had also lost all of those visions for our future.

I was a mess.

From the experience, I learned some very important things though.

- DO NOT go into work the next day:

Call in sick. Trust me.

I turned up, eyes blood-shot and puffy, face pale around 5-6 hours after he announced he was leaving. I looked awful, it didn’t help and sitting in an office when you just want to lie in bed and sob is not ideal.

- DO NOT sleep with them again, ever.

It does not help!

So, my ex actually left me for another person. I still made this mistake though. It just created more confusion in the end. Did he want to get back together? No, he just wanted a reminder of how awesome I am in bed. Have more self-respect than this, he wants to fuck you because you are good-looking and easy to manipulate into bed.

- DO cut ties - straight away

Delete him and his family from everything.

You will get the urge to reach out. You’ll be several glasses of wine in and you’ll think “I’ll just see if he’s okay”. Worst thing you could possibly do. Trust me, he’s fine. He’s out there living his best life without you. Don’t put yourself in a position where you later think “Oh God, I made myself look desperate/needy”. We’ve all done it.

My Mom always said to me “Don’t sit around crying over people that aren’t crying about you” and although I completely condone sitting around for a few days and crying, definitely do not let them know you’re doing this!

- DO rely on your friends and family

The people that love you are the best people to help you through a difficult time. Reach out and explain your situation. Surround yourself with love.

- DO NOT spend all of your time talking about your ex

Doing this can actually make it harder to move on with your life. You’ll also drive the people that love you crazy. Instead, direct your energy towards positive things: make plans with friends, learn new things, having fun.

During these moments, your family/friends may also think they are being supportive by bringing your ex up. Feel free to tell them that you would rather not talk about it if that is how you’re feeling.

- DO NOT make any rash decisions

Wait a few weeks before making any huge life decisions. You have your entire life to decide what comes next for you, you don't need to know everything right now.

- DO remember to love yourself right now

Your grief is valid. You have every right to feel the way you do at the moment. Take the time you need to properly grieve, process the loss and restart your life again. A relationship does not define who you are. You will get through this eventually, it just hurts right now and that is perfectly okay.