What is Love?

What is Love? The first thing that pops into my mind is the song “What is Love?” by Haddaway that Will Ferrell and Chris Kattan did SNL skits for. Do you remember?

“What is Love? Oh, baby don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me. No more…”

If you aren’t familiar with this song, just take a happy little trip to YouTube and look for this song or you can look for Will Ferrell and Chris Kattan SNL skit.

But seriously what is Love? What is your definition? Have you given it serious thought?

The official definition says it is a noun meaning, “an intense feeling of deep affection” or “a great interest or pleasure in something”.

It is also a verb meaning, “to feel deep affection for someone” or “to like or enjoy very much”.

Love requires attention and some action. It wants to be present and to be together. When two people are in love, they feel like they don’t have to do anything more to keep the person or to work on the relationship. Real love actually enjoys giving attention and time to another person. It feels good and doesn’t see giving attention or time to another person as a chore.

There is give and take in love. The best love is a deep love where the foundation should be built on friendship. You genuinely enjoy the other person’s company. You admire them. You want the absolute best for them. You deeply respect them. You are happy to be with them and spend time with them. You make sacrifices for their happiness or wellbeing even if they may not realize it. You honor them by keeping your word and your promises with them. You don’t want to hurt them. You put in the effort and go out of your way for them. When you truly love your partner, you envision your future together and cannot imagine life without them. All of this is reciprocated back to you.

A lot of people mistake sex or lust for love. It’s not. Earthworms have sex, but does that mean they love each other? No. A lot of people think that getting naked physically with a person is Intimacy. Anyone can get naked. It is just a body. True intimacy is where you can feel safe and share your own thoughts, emotions, concerns, ideas, secrets, dreams, and goals…. Baring your soul to another…. That is truly being naked. Being vulnerable. And yet, many people don’t know how to do that because they are emotionally unavailable or they are afraid. There is no fear in love. Love shouldn’t be painful or hurt. Love feels good. Love makes you feel free. Free to be yourself without judgement or criticism. You can be your true self.

Relationships are about safe communication. Sharing other people’s opinions and beliefs. Sharing our own personal opinions and beliefs. Sharing our own feelings and experiences. Sharing our own needs, wants, emotions and desires.

When you have love in a relationship, you feel invincible like you can do anything. You have support from the other person. They encourage you. They want the absolute best for you. They want you to learn and grow and when both people are learning and growing together, that is even better or ideal. You have peace and contentment. There’s passion and there’s joy.

There is patience and kindness in love. Love isn't about the negative emotions of envy, boastfulness, jealousy, or competitiveness.  Love isn't proud and does not dishonor others. Love is not selfish or self-seeking or angry and does not delight in the pain of others or delight in evil. Love doesn't keep a running list of wrongs. Love will protect, honor, trust, hope, and continue to persevere and love can heal. Love is the most powerful force. I believe these are great examples of what Love is. 

What does a relationship without love look like you may ask? Under no circumstances should anyone justify abuse, mistreatment, and control as love. That is the opposite of love.

When you are feeling unheard, unseen, unloved, and disrespected this is the opposite of love.

When someone tries to control you, this is the opposite of love.

When someone abuses you mentally, verbally, emotionally, psychologically, physically, sexually, spiritually, or financially, this is the opposite of love.

When you feel anxiety, fear, or depression within a relationship, this is the opposite of love.

When you are manipulated with guilt, shame, obligation, or fear, this is the opposite of love.

If you experience any of the above that is not loving, then make a plan to get out as quick as you can and make no contact with that person! If you have to get the authorities involved or have a friend help you get out of that situation please do so! It doesn’t matter if it is a friend, significant other, or even family.

So…… what is Love and what is not love? It is a VERY important question. It may very well save your life.