Word Salad

Word salad. Tossed to ‘n fro. Words tossed back and forth like ping pong. I can’t follow… I’m so confused. Here we go!

Ever get into an argument or circular conversation with someone and you started on one subject and then ended up on an entirely different or unrelated subject? Perhaps you even ended up being the subject and got attacked? Things seemed to be going swimmingly, then all of a sudden you start drowning in the other person’s word salad.

What exactly is word salad you may ask? The actual definition of word salad or schizophasia means, “confused or unintelligible mixture of seemingly random words and phrases”, most often used to describe a neurological or mental disorder. Though these days it will refer to “narcissistic word salad” which is a slang term for a type of narcissistic speech that is purposefully confusing.

If you’ve ever been around a narcissist or a toxic person, you may have experienced word salad. It is maddening. It doesn’t make sense. You can’t make sense out of nonsense. Don’t try to or you will drive yourself crazy.

They don’t argue or speak fairly. They are not interested in what you have to say or how you feel. They just don’t care.

They just lie and deny.

They reframe the narrative or your memory of the situation. This is a form of gaslighting where you begin to doubt your reality and you begin to feel hopeless or helpless.

They bully or intimidate you when they lose power over you.

They deflect and throw you off track with what you want to discuss. They don’t want a resolution. You get confused and then you feel like you will have to defend yourself.

Word salad bombards you with so much information that you almost forget what the purpose was or forget the topic of the conversation. They distort reality and deny or where they make up facts.

They’re very conspiratorial or accusatory and they invalidate you.

They have rage and dysregulation issues. They will have a tendency to mismanage reality and frustration.

What does this do to you?

Crazy communication will deal blows to your self-esteem and your sanity. Circular conversations will drain you emotionally and cause confusion.

Not all word salads are created equal. There are rageful and loud word salads. There are entitled word salad conversations that are victim-based. There are grandiose and arrogant word salad conversations that sound like they are a rock star or where they have an over-inflated sense of ego.

When you encounter word salad, you will wonder if the person is on drugs or out there.

Dealing with a person like this is like trying to sweep up leaves on a windy day. It is chaotic and messy. It is futile to reason with a person like this.

Word salad doesn’t feel good and it tastes even worse. It is a narcissist’s way of throwing a temper tantrum or maintaining control over you or the outcome that they want. I call this emotional or verbal diarrhea or even worse, toxic emotional dumping, which will cause emotional nausea. Think of it like food poisoning except it is a poisoning of your emotions.

Ever get into a conversation with someone and they would talk and talk and you weren’t able to get a word in edgewise? They controlled the conversation. You might be thinking to yourself, “Dude! Take a breath!” In most cases, the conversation is focused on themselves unless it’s focused on attacking you or they may be focused on manipulating you to give them something.

Word salad can also be used to manipulate you or play upon your emotions or your inner conflict and they create cognitive dissonance so they can get what they want. Their weapons of choice are our very own emotions of shame, guilt, and fear among other negative emotions.

If you grew up with toxic family members or have had toxic friends, you may have experienced word salad. If you’ve dated or married a toxic person or a narcissist, then you may have experienced word salad. Manipulation is a core dynamic and a major contributor to feeling chronically confused. They are disrespectful and never respect your boundaries. In a narcissist’s world, you are not a person. You are a resource or supply. They can’t relate like normal, healthy people. They treat everything as a transaction.

If you’ve experienced any of this, you may want to re-evaluate if you really want this person in your life. I’m of the belief that if a person is not positively contributing to your life, then they need to go. Think of Marie Kondo’s way of organizing things. Her approach is to look at a piece of clothing and ask if it brings you joy. If the item doesn’t bring you joy, then you give it away, throw it away or sell it.

We would be doing well to approach the people (especially toxic people) in our lives in the same way. Ask yourself if the person brings you joy? If they don’t, then it’s time to cut those people out of your life. In relationships, it should be loving. With love, there is no pain, confusion, or fear. Love brings out the best in you. Love brings joy, peace, and life. Love makes you feel safe and loved and respected.

So with word salad… beware! This is a buffet that will make you sick and bring you misery.

Time to make a change! Change your life! Love yourself enough to get rid of this and the people who spew word salad. Good luck!