What is love?

Until today when people would discuss love or ask me that standard question - “what does love mean to you?” - I wouldn’t know know how to participate or give an answer to that question fully. I would always give some random answer to get through the situation but in reality, I didn’t even totally understand what I was talking about; or maybe, I couldn’t exactly express with the right words - what love means to me. I was always searching for the perfect description to convey precisely what I believe love is. I felt it, I knew that. A couple times. And I always wished to wholly understand and also explain what meaning this word holds. It’s so powerful. The meaning... it’s so subtle, low-key, intense, innocent, yet crazy. Today I feel like I finally have an idea of how to talk about it, and express my views about the word... It’s right, some things just suddenly show up in life when you’re not even looking for it.

Love... is such a thing. Love to me... is the personal and conscious choice of letting go of one's rationality. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you do - when love is knocking at the door, expect to lose grip on the absolute reality. Nothing else around you, or in your mind, seems to feel better when love approaches you. He’s going to occupy all the space in that part of your head which is used to making rational decisions. All of a sudden, you feel like nothing else matters besides offering to him everything that you’re made of. Absolutely nothing else matters. You know from the first touch, that this is going to be trouble. Some beautiful trouble. It starts off as the kind of trouble you would get into while skipping classes just to go say hi to him. Or when you would fly to a different country just to have a conversation with him. Or when you would ditch dinner plans with your friends just to go on the rooftop to make love with him. Or when he would stop his car in the middle of a flyover just to make out with you. Or when he would stop you in the middle of a public park to play some music and kiss you... & pick you up in the rain and bend you downwards towards your back as he kisses your entire body. Could it get any better? Could it feel any better than this - the thought of not having to think at all about anything else, except about how irresistible love is? In that moment when you’re experiencing it, you have no time to weigh the pros and cons of it. You let go of yourself and your heart knowing damn well it could be shattered into pieces. Maybe it even feels surreal, so unrealistic that you see no clear future ahead, even if there is one. You cannot plan for it, you cannot forecast it, you cannot comprehend it. It’s like jumping into an ocean without a life-vest on... you want to feel each droplet of the ocean on your skin for that moment. You don’t know if you can swim or not yet, but you jump in anyway, betting on your life, hoping you can somehow come afloat; praying you don’t drown. It’s okay, you tell yourself, you can figure it out. You can find out what happens. Just go with the flow for now. Hold on to this moment and that’s it. Feel it. Make that jump.

Love to me is to live. Fully, unapologetically, and care-freely for that moment, wishing it lasted for a lifetime. Wishing nothing about that moment ever changed. Taking a risk. How can you ever plan for such a thing? At least not in my head, I can’t. I tried. How can you let go of life without experiencing love, in its rawest form? That’s just unfair. You can’t let life go by just like that, sacrificing on the chance to feel the fire of love, the passion, forever. You cannot ever fall in love with someone only because they’re good husband or wife material, as they say. You cannot ever fall in love with someone because it makes sense, because it all adds up. Because you think that he will be a great dad or husband. Because your mom will love him, because everything seems rationalized when you think about him. Everything is smooth. Everything is easy. Everything is convenient. You cannot call that love... that’s settling. That’s sacrificing on your desires because you’re afraid to actually love, thinking what if love breaks you. Because when you love, you give yourself in... completely. It’s crazy. You take one of the biggest chances of life. At least that’s how I see it - which is why I’m so guarded now. What if it doesn’t work out? I try to make sense out of something so much that I prevent myself from even stepping into the water with my toes anymore. But, it could be just the perfect temperature. Not too hot, not too cold. One shouldn’t be afraid to step in to test the waters, literally. One cannot simply give up because of past disasters. Especially one who seeks a great perhaps. One who believes in love, miracles, god, destiny, life. Don’t settle. It’s better to feel love for a little while, than to never feel it for the rest of your life, with the wrong person. As they say, it’s better to have loved and lost - than to have never loved at all. And if you get lucky, you will love and be loved by the same person. And for that magic right there to happen - for me, any risk is worth it.