What Does It Mean When Your Partner Changes and the Relationship Is Not the Same as in the Beginning?

When your partner changes, when you notice something new and different about him/her, you may feel somewhat threatened: why has he/she changed - is it related to me and the couple's relationship? Does he want anything else? Is he no longer satisfied?

Moreover, you can think about how well you knew him - if an unexpected change suddenly occurs… But you should know that the change is not only not bad - it is normal! A person grows, develops, and makes some changes during his life - so does a relationship! Change does not necessarily mean anything bad!

When your partner changes:

The classic "I don't recognize you" scenario - you feel confused, insecure, you think about how well you knew your partner, because suddenly, without warning, he/she seems to be another person. You look at him/her and wonder what has changed - because it is not always something major, but only the way you feel and perceive him/her.

What to do: In these situations, most of the time, it is not the partner who changes, but your perception of him/her. He/she may have always been in a certain way - but you have been blind. It is a classic situation when the relationship enters a routine and you no longer idealize your partner, you no longer look at him with the eyes of a lover, but you see him as he is! As long as you don't feel crushed by disappointment and as long as you still feel love, nothing horrible - we all go through a small phase in which our eyes "open"!

But be careful: because if you don't recognize him/her anymore, if you look at him/her and you don't see the same person anymore, maybe your perception is dramatically different because the love is gone…

Small practical changes to the partner. Maybe all of a sudden he has a new interest; maybe he wants to quit his job and do something completely different; maybe suddenly he is more interested in his appearance (he goes to the gym, takes care of himself, changes his wardrobe, etc.).

You can't help but think that these changes are bad signs for the relationship - that he/she wants a much bigger change in his / her life! You start to build theories that your partner is changing because life does not suit you… What you need to achieve: each person evolves and grows; he makes some changes to himself when something doesn't suit him, he tries to get better.

But not everything revolves around the relationship and not every change involves you - he, as an autonomous individual, wanted to try something new and grow - and your role as a partner is to encourage, not worry!

Major changes in perspective on life and especially on the relationship. A more difficult situation arises if your partner changes dramatically - for example, he wanted a future with you, but now he does not discuss it. He wanted to move in together or get married, but now he says he doesn't know what he wants (or the classic takes time). He wanted children with you, but now he says he's not sure.

What can you understand from these major changes? That his partner is in a stage of doubt, a stage of crisis - in which he does not know exactly if his choices were the right ones. And the crisis also involves the couple's relationship… You can try to find out what caused this crisis, this major change - maybe he/she has a problem that is grinding him/her; perhaps external pressures made him back down; perhaps the approach of a decisive change made him change in turn; perhaps he has doubts caused by inner fears.

Think, especially, how much this change affects the relationship, how much it affects you - is the relationship more important, and can you accept it? Do you think it is a decisive change or just a phase that your partner is going through? Could you live with him/her, accepting this change?

When he has a major concern that takes up most of his time. The classic situation is when your partner changes - which means that he has found a new interest, which unfortunately distracts him/her - you feel that he no longer gives you as much time and attention and that he seems to have put in second place.

Think about the situation: if the partner is more suddenly concerned with his professional or intellectual development, it is just a phase in his growth as a human being and you have to accept it (he feels the need to put development at the top of the list the goal). If, however, he has a new hobby, which takes him/her away from you for a long time - maybe he/she needs something new to get rid of the routine of life.

Try, in these cases, to see if he wants to escape only from the routine or to escape from you (suggest him/her accompany him/her to his / her new hobby sometimes, explaining that he/she is no longer with you and that he/she is leaving) ⁇

When the partner changes, it is often just an indication of his or her growth as a person and the evolution of the couple's relationship. It does not mean that something is wrong unless that change affects the intimacy, the affectivity, the closeness between you.

In addition, a negative change can only be a passing phase: if your partner has a bad time in your professional, family life, a health problem - you will surely feel different; but you have to be by his side and support him/her and not draw the worst conclusion!