What are You Bringing to the Table?

Let me start by saying if you have to ask anyone this question, please stop dating. There are so many problems with this question. However, I am only going to tell you a few reasons why this question should be eliminated from your dating question box. I know that we all mean well in finding a mate that closely matches our desires, but we need to stick to just getting to know each other and see if there is chemistry in the room before taking out the itemized list of desired needs in a relationship.

I know, we all want to let everyone know that the days of being played for a fool are over. So it is our our intention to let people know upfront and set our boundaries from day one, right? Well, relax and put down the gloves and start showing people the good side of what can be offered, and pray that they will reciprocate. Letting down our defenses can be quite the task after a failed relationship. My suggestion is that you seek a professional that will challenge you to move on from your (not his or hers) past mistakes and that will allow you to open up to people. Asking potentials what they bring to the table, is an 180 from where dating should be. Enough of the rambling, let me get right to why we all should remove this question from dating, and even our lives completely.

This question creates competition. In my humble opinion, skills and accomplishments should not be brought up on the first three dates. There are so many other topics to talk about and the focus should be on how you both are as people. The good, bad and the ugly will come out in a person when the focus is shifted on conversation and actions; and not accomplishments and titles. A team should focus on what needs to be accomplished and how to turn each other's weaknesses into strengths. When a couple is lead by questions that generate a competitive nature, their future is set on out doing better than each other instead of accomplishing things together.

This all make sense once the guards are let down and the exploration of the soul is conducted. Accomplishments come and go. Seasons come and go, and knowing what kind of person is in your corner is far more important that someone making 6 figures. What's the use of having someone making 6 figures if they are selfish, or have an overwhelming addiction? High chances are that no one will tell you that they are a drug addict or heavy drinker when the question is asked, "what they bring to the table?". People are quick to tell you their accomplishments, but will shy away to tell their true nature. This is why observation by way of conversation and actions are very important. Spend the time finding out if you both can sit at the same table first.

Asking this question avoids highlighting how the couple can help each other out. Explore how life is going to look for the both of you, instead of using this closed-mined method to brag on how much better you are than the other person. We come from different backgrounds and households that have a completely different way of living. Learn how to respect a person's opinion and point of view on any giving situation. Please, I'm not saying ignore your boundaries. If having a non smoker is a boundary, then stick by that boundary. I for one cannot bend on that and will not date smokers. However, there are issues that can be remotely met with a great deal of respect for each other. With that said, the construction of a table can be done together.

There is so much to cover and all situations are not alike. I promise you this, if you eliminate that question from your mindset period; the sky will be the limit on what can be with a person that respect each other and are looking in the same direction. Now that's a table that can last for many nights of dinner, card games, and a whole lot of things under the sun.