Was it time to let go?

And there I was, in the back of a car. A red run down Mitsubishi, that also had modern features. We were somewhere foreign it seemed. Somewhere I'd never been, or couldn't have ever dreamed of, because I am not suited for that climate. Anyone who looks at me will tell you that I did not belong there at all. But what I did not realize at the time was, it wasn't about me at all, it was about us.

Anyways, I am trying to flash back to how this all started in the first place.

....

I remember we were all ready to depart. I fit snug around her, as my way of protecting her and keeping her warm - that's my purpose, I rightfully thought.

So next thing, is we were in a car that I felt safe in. This was her car, and we've driven in it plenty of times. It felt familar, and that's what safety means to me. I pray, and say thank you. And then we stole the dark hours of the night, racing along the long stretch of highway ahead.

"(Nadie Sabe lo que va a pasar manana)" - Bad Bunny/Benito 2023 Album/song.

....

We finally arrived at a house, a nice house, also quite familar in MTL. The smell of fragnance and candles hit my senses, as we entered. I was also promptly put on her hard-shelled champagne colour suitcase. I felt like she didn't need me anymore or at least not yet, I thought. But she will soon, I hoped. I saw her sneak out the sliding glass door, onto the back patio for a cigerette, and at that moment, I was utterly confused. Why was she ignoring me? Did she not know I needed her, and she needed me? Did she even value me any more? (Little did I know, more questions like this would later arise).

I saw her trek downstairs, and took her hardshell suitcase with her, leaving me to guard the door. I saw her sift through her bag, and went into the bathroom, and got ready for sleep. I was so confused, what about me? Does she not see me? At least I have a view of her, I thought. I was like a door guard all night.

IT wasn't even a few hours until she awoke and went into the bathroom. It seemed like all of this was pre-planned. She gently awoke her lover, who was in the same bed as her, and let him know that it was time. They gathered their things near the door, but had a coffee and a cigerette before their final goodbyes. The goodbye seemed different. Were we all staying there and not coming back? Was I misunderstanding something?

It was 5 am, and I find myself seated next to her, in a quiet airport full of groggy passengers, coffees in hand with dark eye circles. Its 5 am so I don't blame them at all.

Time is passing and I am on a plane, tucked away in an upper compartment, where it is safe and cosy but also dark. I fall into a slumber.

...

Suddenly the air is hot and humid, and people are rushing around, and it's a completely different atmosphere. . Moments later, I am tossed in the back seat of another car mind-you, with no consideration or care, it seems. I trust that her intentions are still good.

I remember the moments I kept her warm and protected, and held valuable items when she needed me to. Did I do something wrong?

On the drive, it smelled like fresh vegetation, humidity and cigerettes.

I have a look around and I realize we are in the city of Cancun, Mexico, as a road sign points. Wait what? We pulled into a community that housed resorts, beaches, restuarants, a huge golf course from I could see from the back seat window.

I then stayed and stayed and stayed in the backseat until what felt like eternity. She stepped out of the car, rejoiced with her friend of 5 years. What about me?

Was she letting me go? Without telling me directly - face to face, but instead through action. Obvious action.

Was I giving more than she was? It seemed that way.

We hadn't been together for that long, but I still valued our connection and relationship. We had good times together, a lot actually. But at some point, IDK, i felt like we distanced. But we didn't communicate it. I don't know. But I waited and waited. She never came back. I now live in Mexico.

The ending is not glorious, in fact it's about heartbreak and a relationship coming to an end. It's the course of nature. I had to accept it.

After all, I was just a light black winter jacket, and not at all suited for a hot climate, and perhaps it was time to let go.