Us Against the World

By the time she

Came along I’d

Stitched my

Wounds closed

With dandelion stems

And decorated my

Notebooks with hope

❀

I wrapped her in

A blanket of validation

Because she reminded me

Of the girl I’d been before

I found the liberation of

Not caring what others thought

❀

When everyone else

Found the footpath

Leading away from

The back door

We both stayed

(We always stayed)

❀

When she let me in

To her house it

Instantly felt like

My second home

Freshly baked cookies

A cupboard always stocked

With caramel chocolate

And a welcoming smile

Every time I entered

❀

Quickly it became

Us against the world

Using fake happiness

As a shield against

Real desperation and hurt

Her presence was enough

To calm the storm in my stomach

And the stutter of my heartbeat

But when I assured her

She was enough she

Always struggled to believe it

When she promised me

She’d always stay

I chose to believe her

Against all odds and

Everything hinting otherwise

❀

We spent days walking

Along the safety of the beach

Salt water swelling around

Our ankles

She searched for crabs and

Saved jellyfish from being stranded

We talked about a life where

We could sink into happiness

And forgot that we’d already

Accomplished that with each other

❀

We faced the world

Side by side, shoulder to shoulder

Tied together with the words

We practically chanted

We’ll always stay

❀

I remember sitting under

A moonlit sky with her

Wishing tomorrows away

We talked about dreams

And disappearing and

Once again, a time where

We could be happy

Forgetting that

Our friendship

Was that time

❀

We drove to the sound

Of our favourite songs

Shouting the lyrics

Out of time but with

Laughter between

Every line and

Got lost at every turn

(Us against the world)

But found our way

Together

❀

The hours always

Passed too quickly

With night arriving

Too soon and one of us

Having to drive home and

Face the tomorrows

We hoped wouldn’t come

❀

I told her she deserved everything

And she said I already had everything

She said she wished she was me and

I took it as a compliment instead of

A sign pointing to a dead end road

❀

We gave each other everything we had

But as time passed we began

To wish for different things

The kind of love the other

Used to give us instead of

The kind they were holding now

❀

She started to paint me blue

Whenever water filled her lungs

And when I could see that it

Somehow gifted her oxygen

I made the sacrifice

Covering the cerulean shade

Of my skin with smiles so that

She could never see how

Healing her hurt me

❀

The laughter vanished

And the appreciation

Threatened to follow

She still offered me “thank you”s

But they didn’t sound as soft

When her other words were harsh

❀

I was swallowing

The pain she caused

Because I knew

I could handle that

But she couldn’t stand

Under the weight of

The guilt that had always

Come too easily to her

❀

When she found out

She was taking me apart

Piece by painful piece

She asked me

Why didn’t you tell me?

And then she showed me why

❀

We were standing

Side by side, shoulder to shoulder

But there was no longer

An us to face the world

It had torn us apart

I guess we both knew it

But I still chose to

Cling to hope and

Believe we could still

Find our way together

❀

She dropped useless apologies

At my feet alongside silence

And I tried to fill it with

The words that used to

Make her laugh but I could see

She was struggling under

The weight of the guilt I’d

Tried to shield her from and

I was still going mad with the knowledge

That giving my all had not been enough

❀

She told me the space

Between the night’s stars

Could bring us closer in the end

And I agreed, wishing on

The light that fell through

That dark space and

Thinking we’d always

Keep our promises

❀

She told me

Nothing could

Make me stay

And I buried the truth -

That anything could

❀

She’d always

Begged me to stay

But in the end it was her

Who walked away

❀

She told me there was

Nothing left for us

Even as I was planting seeds

Ready to start again

Ready to try anything

❀

She decided she needed

To face the world on her own

And all I could do was wonder

Why she couldn’t still

Stand by my side as she did it

❀

She says the sun

Is brighter than

She’s ever seen it

I fight the urge

To tell her I have no light

Not anymore

She was mine

❀

Instead, I am left in darkness

Trying desperately to comprehend

Her absence and why she

Felt the need to give it to me

When I gave her all of me

❀

And so the story that

Had hope on every page

And promised to end

The same way, finishes with

Me against the world and

Her against herself

❀❀❀❀❀

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