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Unexpected, Unconditional Love

I recently wrote about us, as human beings, being conditioned to certain lifestyles based on the people around us.

By Brandy GeersPublished 6 years ago 10 min read

I recently wrote about us, as human beings, being conditioned to certain lifestyles based on the people around us. In other words, we live by what we see. When we are children, we see the people around us, our siblings, parents, teachers or even our peers, do things a certain way or maybe we hear them talk about the way things "should" be done. Either way, we're conditioned to be like what we are surrounded by, so if we hear that something is wrong or should be done differently, that's what we tend to believe.

That being said, I grew up hearing from my dad that it was wrong to date people different from myself. If I wasn't dating a white boy who wore boots and loved fishing, I was doing it wrong in his eyes. So you can imagine how I felt when introducing him to my biracial girlfriend after I had finally turned eighteen and was no longer in his control.

I met Ja-i or "Jazzy" as I always called her, when I was fourteen. We had a mutual friend who we both had stayed with at different times who at the time had been my kindergarten best friend. She was having a party when I met Ja-i. Well actually, Ja-i was throwing the party but it was at our friend's house. Ja-i was everybody's crush and also the only lesbian in our "group." Or at least, the only lesbian that had come out of the closet. It turns out that later on down the line, most of us that hung out at this mutual friend's house ended up experimenting with females at some point in time in the near future of these parties.

Anyways, back to my Jazzy. We met at this party like this... She asked our mutual friend to invite a "cute friend" that she could talk to and that's how I got an invite. Of course, I didn't find that out until later. Typically, I was already at these parties but being that my dad was super strict and we lived almost an hour and a half away it was really hard for me to go to most of them. Anyways, I showed up and we became friends immediately. She was already best friends with my other two very best friends, so it worked. Perfectly. Except for the fact that at the time, while I really started to like Ja-i, so did my friends. Like why? Nobody in our group is gay. Why did they have to like her? Technically I wasn't "gay" either but for Jazzy I was!

She and I quickly became inseparable. We talked 24/7, we were the best of friends, we planned parties just so we got the chance to hang out. She had a girlfriend but their relationship was very toxic and her girlfriend would not for anything leave Ja-i, no matter how hard Ja-i tried. Ja-i didn't want any hard feelings. She just wanted to be with me.

Well, like I said, because I lived so far away, it was hard to be at the parties they had almost every weekend so we started drifting apart. We had both gotten in a few relationships. A few very bad relationships, and like I said, we're conditioned to be like our parents and the adults around us. I knew my dad would never be okay with us being together no matter how much we cared about each other.

Years went by and as I said, we were quickly drifting apart. We went almost two years without talking. Both of us had been in very toxic and controlling relationships causing a very big wedge to be driven between us. Both of our spouses were over jealous so when we're blocked on each other's social media, every once in a while we'd talk through Ja-i's sister but that didn't happen very often.

Four years after we had met, I finally turned eighteen. Something I had been waiting to happen SINCE I was fourteen. I was so tired of living the way my dad had wanted me to. I hated having to do everything to please everyone else. This was finally my time. I moved out and immediately started talking to MY Jazzy again.

We decided to meet up at her house and hang out. I had our mutual friend with me and I was so nervous to see her. So much had changed. I wanted her to like me still but was that phase over? I knew she was still a lesbian but, me? What would she think about me after almost three years? I had a little bit of liquid courage before we went just so it would ease my nerves a tad. Did it, though? Um, NO!

She was so different but yet the same in so many ways. I was so shy and so full of happiness to be seeing my best friend after so much time. We cliqued instantly, like always. Well, what do you know? She still liked me. Even more then, I think. We slowly eased into "talking" after that night which quickly turned into a relationship. A PUBLIC relationship. I had never been happier. Until now.

We started dating on October 16, 2016. On December 17, 2016 we got our own apartment and on February 12, 2017 we got engaged. Wooh! So much in such a short four months, right? Yeah, probably for any regular couple but us? No way! We were meant to be from the very moment we met. Even my dad approved of her. Although I always thought that he would shun me for who I was with, whether it be Ja-i or anyone else, he took it so well. He thought she was great from the moment he met her.

Well, things started to take a turn. A very bad turn. In April of 2017, I caught Ja-i talking to another girl on Snapchat. She denied it, we fought, we moved on. In May of 2017, I caught her commenting on a girl's provocative Instagram picture. She denied it, we fought, we moved on. At the end of June 2017, Ja-i left for almost two weeks and stayed with a friend of hers in the next town. I knew she had been drinking. Something I forgot to mention was that she is a recovering alcoholic. She was hateful, rude, and very drunk the whole time. I had no clue what she could've been doing but I knew she was with a girl I wasn't comfortable with her being with... Still, I let it go. I felt so much pain. I honestly wanted to just run away. She came home, we fought a lot. More than we had ever fought. She slapped me in my face. After she had been home, I asked her not to bring anyone to our apartment so that we could talk. She brought about five people. We fought again, she left.

Finally she came home for good. Her friends were in and out of our apartment left and right. While I was at work one afternoon, I texted Ja-i and told her I was sick and wanted to come home. She told me to just tough it out. I couldn't anymore. I left work, I called her, no answer. I only lived five minutes from work so I just went home. I walked in, saw two of her friends laying on the couch, asked where Ja-i and the girl I was so uncomfortable with were at and the two on the couch told me they were in the back room.

Now, you think at this point in the story, we all know where this is going. Well I'm happy for you because I was 100 percent clueless. Unlike the typical person, the thought everyone is thinking never even crossed my mind. I walked down the hall to our bedroom when I turned the knob to find a locked door. What? "Why is the door locked?" I heard moaning and heavy breathing. Rage went through me and at this very moment in time I had never in my life been so furious. Furious because Ja-i denied it although I saw the scratches on her back, furious because the girl I had become so uncomfortable with had recently been a very close friend of mine and most of all, furious because I couldn't figure out why this was happening.

I left. I got my things and I left. My very best friend at the time was going through the exact same thing. She was with a female and had literally gone through the same thing at the same time because Ja-i and my best friend's girlfriend were staying at the same place, together. Crazy right? We both moved in with her step-mom and step-brother and sister. Her step-brother liked me so it just sort of worked. We weren't really together but of course it just worked. During this "breakup," although Ja-i still hung out with the girl she had sex with the first week or two, she had completely done a 180. She was trying to stop drinking, she was working on bettering herself, she was trying to get me back

A month went by and things weren't working at my friend's step-moms anymore. Seems like things are always going to shit right when I get comfy, huh? I had nowhere to go. I mean of course I had my family, but I didn't want to get sucked back into the control and guilt my family brought so I was stuck. Where do I go? Ja-i's best friend and her two-year-old daughter had moved in with Ja-i and I shortly before I left. She had always been there for Ja-i, never any funny business. So I called her. I didn't know what else to do. Ja-i and I had already been talking again, trying to at least be friends because no matter what we've ever gone through, we have always been there for each other and this was a time I needed her.

I had no place to sleep, no gas in my car, and my dad was only willing to help IF I moved back home with him, which I did not want to do. Of course he was unhappy about what Ja-i had done to me... What father wouldn't be? But I honestly believed in her. Even if we weren't going to get back together, she was there for me when I needed someone so her and her best friend both met me, helped me with my things and let me stay with them.

Ja-i and I had many, many long and very serious talks and of course I couldn't just trust her like that. It was going to take time. A lot of time. Also, a lot of forgiveness. Both very difficult things sometimes. Ja-i had quit her job a couple weeks before I left her so she was going on almost a month with no job and her best friend was struggling to pay the bills. They were getting evicted and I wasn't getting paid in time to help, but still Ja-i and I stuck together.

Her and her long time best friend ended up parting ways for a few months so here Ja-i and I were with an apartment we were getting evicted from, no food, no toilet paper, no air because our landlord had turned off our AC in 90 degree weather and our box fans. We didn't have much but of course we had each other. Some days were harder than others but we managed.

We ended up finding an apartment in the town I grew up in which was only a town away from where we were originally living so the commute to work wasn't too bad. We struggled. We fought. We didn't always have food or gas. We were both still living in the past which really, really hurt our relationship. We went through so much trying to patch things up but we finally made it. We finally got to a point in our lives where we stopped worrying about friends and partying, drinking and smoking. We grew up.

Ja-i got her best friend back, we both got new jobs, we started living for US, and things have never been better. Of course we have arguments and fights. We have bad days and sad days. Some days are tough but we made it. We are finally in a place in our lives where we can look forward to our future together and stop reliving the past.

I can honestly say that going through that really changed me. I was hurt and broken. I wanted to die. I didn't want to be around anyone or do anything but I made it. I am stronger now, than ever and although I often second guess things and still have serious trust issues, I made it. We made it. We were always a team and even though she wasn't always playing for my team, she changed herself for the better. She is sober now, no more liquor at all. We don't fight as much, we don't have drama and we're living for US. Forgiveness is hard but if you're truly in love with someone, you make it work as long as they do too.

I am a victim of many many toxic relationships but I won't let this one become that. Sometimes you have to fight for what you love, no matter how hard it may be. Even if you cannot be with someone who has done you wrong, always be willing to forgive. Forgiveness is for YOU.


About the Creator

Brandy Geers

I am nineteen years old. Writing has always been a passion of mine. I hope to inspire readers with my stories.

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    Brandy GeersWritten by Brandy Geers

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