Understanding love

Since time began and humans have fallen in love people have been trying to understand the meaning of love. The passion behind it and how is defined, how it happens has totally eluded most of mankind. It's such a simple thing but so complex that no one knows how to find the words to explain how it happens or why it can go away. I'm not going to try to give it any definition because obviously I'm not some higher power that knows all or sees all. But I do have some understanding of the different kinds of love there is and how it can be defined for different types of relationships. There are a few kinds of love. The love you have for a friend that is unromantic, the love of family which is also unromantic but stronger than a friendship, and romantic love between to people which is the most complex.

Friendship- You can be around someone and completely adore being around them, have a ton of fun with them, enjoy talking and their company. This is a surface love that warms your heart and doesn't penetrate all the layers of your being. It's the quickest love you can have. They can make you smile right away and change your mood in an instant. When a friend hurts you, however, the wounds are only superficial and can heal faster than any of the types of damage. You miss them, you hurt because they did slice you a little but it's a scratch on your heart and the pain seems to go away faster. It's easier to forgive than the loss of any other love. It isn't that you didn't care, but friendship love is not doesn't penetrate into the soul like family or romantic love. It's one of the reasons why it's easier to repair a friendship than it is to repair family or romantic relationships.

Family- This is a deep seeded love and most of the time a very trusting love. You know that no matter what you do, they are still going to be your family and that is not going to change. It is the most trusting love of all but only because there is no way to change your family. Your friends and other relationship will come and go but your family stays the same. No matter what you do, you're still related. However, when damage is caused from a family member it's the most deep-seeded damage you can have; it affects you almost permanently and most likely leaves a scar that can only be healed with professional help. It takes some real work to repair and is the hardest damage to forgive. It affects all your relationships because it can be the biggest roadblock to dismantle.

Romantic- It is much deeper than family love because you share intimate parts of your life with this person, not only your physical self but also your soul, different parts of yourself that wouldn't be share with your family. This is the person you should trust the most and it is the most damaging when this trust is broken. The wounds cut so much deeper because you have let them so far into your heart that when the love is broken it has to cut through all the layers to get to the part where they are. It's a different kind of hole to repair than family. When romantic love is lost it is cut out of your heart, you can lose this person, unlike family which always stay the same. This person can be completely removed and torn from your heart. Family may pass away but it isn't because there is a "trust" loss, it's a death. In a romantic relationship it's a "trust" loss and they are removed but still alive. They didn't leave you because they died; they aren't around because that love is lost. So, you must heal with them still on the planet but not around you. Because that has become a choice and not a "natural" decision it tends to cut the deepest.

If people would approach love in the layers that it can actually be defined it might be easier to understand why when a marriage is broken it is so hard to repair. It would also help them to understand relationships when we get into them. So many people feel friendship love for someone but because they are in a dating situation, they think it's romantic love and dive in head first. When they hit the bottom, they become paralyzed and blind. If they would have taken it in stages and worked to romantic love a little slower than maybe, they could have seen that it wasn't meant to be romantic love. It isn't that romantic love dies; it's just that sometimes friendship and family love can be mistaken for romantic love so when it settles into one of the other categories, we become hurt. I still love everyone that I've had a romantic relationship with; however, it is a friendship love. They were a part of my life for a period of time and helped me become who I am. So my marriage, even though it failed, was a friendship love. I did let it into the deepest layer, and it cut me deeply, but once those wounds healed, I realized that it wasn't a gaping whole left in my heart, but just a superficial scratch that would heal more and more over time. It would be repaired. I have people that I have met along the way in my life, that have hurt me for one reason or another, or maybe I've hurt them, it does mean that we don't love one another, otherwise it wouldn't hurt. It means that we developed a friendship love in my heart. I still love all of them whether we talk or not, but I understand the different types of love and how they affect me. If we approach our relationships with this kind of understanding, then we may realize just how the relationships we have should be sort of "categorized" in our lives and we will be able to find that one true love. We will understand how our words and action are affecting other people hearts and be able to have a deeper understanding when things go wrong. We will be able to find a new love when that deepest love of all damages us, we will be able to learn to trust again.

I don't know if my understanding of how love works will help you to repair and find a new love. I am just hoping that by sharing what I have experienced and what I have heard from my readers will help you to feel less alone. We are all here trying to get through something major that has happened in our lives and trying to understand why it did happen. Sometimes there is no reason, and you have to find a way to get through anyway. Understanding what it is doing to the love aspect in your life might help. Realizing where those cuts are placed in your heart might help. So, thank you for reading today. Hopefully it is helping you to move one more step forward to recovering and finding new love. If you have any questions or would like to contribute you can email me at [email protected] or find me on my Facebook page.