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Unconditional Love in Relationships: Is It Possible?

Unconditional love seems like an illogical notion, but such a great and powerful one.

By Fahim ChughtaiPublished 2 years ago 6 min read
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The concept of unconditional love within relationships is a pure idea. Every person would like to be loved for who we are, with no limitations, and to believe in ourselves as capable of extending unconditional love to our loved ones. But, this kind of love, even in its simplest definition, isn’t easy, but not impossible.

What is unconditional love?

The problem that comes with unconditionally loving relationships is the inability to understanding what it means.

We tend to imagine a parent’s love for their child or a child’s love of parents as unconditional love. This kind of love is based solely on the bonds of family and does not break depending on what a child or parent does, at the very least, in a perfect scenario.

In its purest form, unconditional love means taking care of being a part of someone else’s happiness or satisfaction without regard to the benefits it brings to you.

Research tells that the regions within the brain that are light up when we are experiencing unconditional love are similar to the parts involved in maternal and romantic love.

They are connected to the reward system in the brain. This implies that unconditional love can be rewarding, even getting no reward in exchange.

Romantic Love and Unconditional love

The question is whether people who are engaged or in a romantic relationship can show one another this kind of love unconditionally. To feel secure in the relationship, it’s natural you must believe that the other person isn’t likely to leave you on a whim.

It is essential to feel confident that the person you love is determined to love you unconditionally, regardless of how the future unfolds.

The issue is that this concept of relationships between lovers may be broken down in various circumstances and for valid reasons. While you may completely love someone who is a liar, cheats, or indulges in an excessive amount of alcohol consumption and drinking, it’s not healthy for you.

It means that we should broaden the unconditional love definition in romantic relationships.

For love to last, there has to be mutual respect, not a mentality that says, “you have put up with me, no matter what I do.”

Unconditional Positive Regard

This leads us to the subject of unconditional positive regard, which is probably a definition of what we’re referring to as the concept of unconditional love within relationships. In this context, unconditional love does not just mean that you give people what they want, or take what they say, regardless of your wants and needs.

As Deb Caletti wrote in, The Secret Life Of Prince Charming:

“Unconditional love is like a country of two with no laws and no government. Which is all fine if everyone is peaceful and law-abiding. In the wrong hands, though, you got looting and crime sprees, and let me tell you, the people who demand unconditional love are usually the ones who will rob and pillage and then blame you because you left your door unlocked.”

It is instead a mature form of love, which means that you treat the person you love with respect, and affection, and respect while also maintaining your boundaries and securing yourself.

While the immature version of unconditional love could make you feel like you have to be all-encompassing to your partner, The mature version of love as you realize that your sole obligation is, in the facet of someone else’s actions is to communicate your message with kindness and respect.

Unconditional Positive Reliability refers to the following:

  • Be attentive and in tune with your surroundings, even when you are setting boundaries or limits.
  • Accepting the demands of others when capable of doing this without harming yourself.
  • Avoiding being harsh or dismissive this does not lead to compromise or solutions.
  • Becoming assertive by telling the other party your position to come up with the most effective solution for you.

Tips for Giving Love Without Conditions

When we are thinking about the best way to love one another unconditionally in an intimate relationship, the following aspects come up:

  1. Use open communication: it can meet so that both of your needs or requirements.
  2. Use a non-defensive manner. Let your thoughts be heard while listening and considering others’ feelings.
  3. Don’t let the small troubles of life sabotage the love you have for your partner. Unconditional love means looking beyond the arguments over minor issues in our lives. If you’ve made a vow to love that is greater than these things that you have, you’ll have lasting power.
  4. Power-sharing within your relationships. Each person shouldn’t have everything they desire, as this can cause resentment towards the other.

The Falling Out of Love

Our lives are programmed to be conditioned lovers. You cherish your partner due to their traits and qualities which enticed you. That’s the reason you are in love with them, not any other person.

The question rises here, if they change, at what point does love lost?

True, mature love should come with no commitments. It’s a habit instead of feelings and a source of confusion that could break up the relationship. The joy of unconditional love should result from giving it to another person, not in the things you get in return.

If we consider unending love being the “expression of our kindest self,” it is a possibility to be sustained even when relationships fail. You may know couples who remain in love but aren’t together or in relationship.

If your relationship is hurting you more than it’s beneficial for you, it’s acceptable to be in unconditional love with it, but let the relationship go.

Unconditional love is the essence of goodness and unconditional acceptance of one’s partner, but it should not mean that you should tolerate the abuse, neglect, or other deterrents.

What is the less obvious issue of falling out of love with one person? If you give them your unconditional love, you will discover ways to be kind and slowly end the relationship with respect and gentleness.

Last Words

When we first fall in love, we’re in an unconditional state, and we cannot imagine not being in love with the person we love. However, the reality is that we live in a conditioned environment, so relationships will eventually end. We all have our desires and tastes, which are likely to change as time passes.

I am pretty sure about relationships that are lacking in unconditional love and unconditional affection are not likely to last. Lifestyle and beliefs will probably change over time. And If you’re not willing to let the partner change, that could mean the end of the relationship for both of you.

You will be more devoted to your partner when you show unconditional love in a mature sense. One method to achieve this is to stay in your present. If you are struggling with this, you might practice mindfulness. This practice can allow you to slow down and gain awareness of the issues in your relationship.

It could also be beneficial to discover ways to show to yourself the same unconditional love that you’re trying to show to your spouse. If you’re not showing the same love to yourself, you might seek excessively from your partner, looking to have them prop you up.

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About the Creator

Fahim Chughtai

Mental Health, Personal growth, Relationships.

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