The psychology of Love, Relationships, Attraction & Romance

Relationships play a pivotal function in our lives. Some could be somewhat present moment and immaterial, similar to cooperations with a businessperson or a secretary, while some could be enduring and effective. ‘Birds of a feather flock together,’ it’s true! Your friends, romantic partners, and family contribute to the person you are. This article will explain the psychology of relationships, attractions, and love — the variety of relationships we develop, who we fall in love with, what we find attractive in partners, the types of love and affection, how relationships form, and, most importantly, how we maintain these relationships.

Foundations of Love, Friendship, and Attraction

1.Do you feel connected?

Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, said

“Man is by nature a social animal; an individual who is unsocial naturally and not accidentally is either beneath our notice or more than human. "

Society is something that precedes the individul.

Humans live in a society; they are social animals; they make connections, long-term, stable and strong interpersonal connections. We make an effort to belong. Research suggests that belongingness strongly affects a person’s emotional patterns and cognitive processes. On the other hand, a lack of such relationships results in lousy health, adjustment and well-being. A recent study described that relocated persons were less likely to feel homesick when the community accepted them. This creates an excellent opportunity for new relationships. Belongings play an essential role in relationships.

2.How close are you to some?

Do you think that if you didn't live beside your neighbour for the past so many years, you still wouldn't have been friends? Or perhaps if your best friend weren't seated next to you in class, you never would have met and begun a friendship?

The more people meet a particular person, thing, or even idea, the more likely they ate to develop a favourable attitude towards it/them.

familiarity develops liking.

3.What do you see in others?

‘Don’t judge a book by its cover’

But facial cues often guide your first impressions of a person. A person’s looks affect many important outcomes like decisions about relationship-selecting romantic partners, hiring decisions and even small talk.

what is beautiful is good

This phrase has an evolutionary basis, where attractive people are assumed to have upward economic mobility, positive personality traits, and the ability to provide more relationship satisfaction. Research shows that physically beautiful people can positively influence hiring decisions and influence judgments in severe criminal allegations.

4.How alike are you?

The similarity is a key factor. humans have a subliminal preference for things they associate with themselves. Studies show that people who share common opinions or have similar attitudes, mostly political and religious ideologies, are more likely to have a satisfying relationship.

We have a common misconception that opposites attract. Research suggests that people in satisfying interpersonal relationships view their partners as similar to them.

5.is there a mutual give-and-take?

this is closely related to interpersonal attractiveness. People desire reciprocal respect and love. In a study, reciprocity in rating physical attractiveness depended on the other’s rating. So you might find someone more attractive only because you know they like you. This reciprocity may seed a yet-to-form relationship just by knowing what a potential partner thinks about you. Go ahead and tell others you like them.

The foundation of love and friendship is usually proximity, belongingness, similarity, observable personality + behaviour, looks, and mutual give-and-take, according to studies.

Sources of Liking based on Social Interaction

Some people have better social skills, which help them effectively communicate and socialize. Those skills usually get others to accept them more freely. Like that one extrovert friend who can talk to anyone, say the right things, and ends up being liked by everybody. Some valuable social skills (with a political — social dynamics — approach) are:

Social Astuteness (social perception) — A person can perceive and understand others from their personality traits to their feelings and intentions. Socially astute people are good at forming strong, positive interpersonal relationships.

Interpersonal Influence — This refers to a person’s capacity to change another person’s beliefs or ideas through persuasion techniques.

Social Adaptability — As the term suggests, it refers to a person’s ability to adapt to various social situations and effectively interact with others.

Expressiveness — It is the ability to express emotion in a way that others can read easily.

important note

A common first-date tactic is to get your partner confused/mixed-up between thrilling arousal and liking/sexual attraction. People do this by taking dates to gigs, horror movies, adventure sports, etc. Here, people may think the source of arousal is attraction when, in fact, it is an activity like watching a horror movie. This is called the misattribution of arousal. Social interactions that involve non-sexual arousing emotions like fear, thrill, horror, adrenaline rush, and anxiety can facilitate a sense of liking or sexual arousal.

How does personality affect Relationships?

The OCEAN model of personality includes five personality traits :

The OCEAN Model of Personality includes five personality traits: extraversion (a tendency to be outgoing, energetic, and sociable) and agreeableness (a tendency to be trustworthy and altruistic) are related to high relationship satisfaction and intimacy. Conscientiousness, the trend to be organized and efficient, is related to greater intimacy. People with narcissism, the personality trait wherein people have an inflated view of themselves, reported less commitment to their relationships because of alternatives for dating partners.

Sternberg theory of love

Sternberg theory of love describes:

Love is composed of three primary components: intimacy, commitment and passion.

I briefly described Sternberg's theory of love; you read here.

What do we seek in a relationship?

We can’t precisely generalize our relationship needs, physical and psychological preferences, and tendencies under one paradigm, so let us explore what individual studies have found.

Trustworthiness and cooperativeness are, expectedly, significant in mate selection.

Sexual economics theory says that heterosexual sex is a marketplace deal in which the woman is the seller, and the man is the buyer. The price is paid in nonsexual resources. Women compete on sex appeal and promise faithfulness. They intend to get a man who will provide resources. Men, on the other hand, compete to amass, said resources to get a sexual partner. Agreeableness, extraversion, and conscientiousness can also help a relationship initiate.

In a study, women wanted increased emotional and companionate behaviours, instrumental support, and parental involvement in their partners, while men wanted more significant increases in sex.

Even in casual (friends with benefits) relationships, women viewed the relationship as more involved and emotional. At the same time, men tended to see it as more casual, emphasizing sexual benefits.

Women also prefer taller partners, where women reported that they were most satisfied when their partner was approximately 21cms taller than them. Men were seen to be more comfortable when they were approximately 8cms taller than their partners.

From an evolutionary perspective, a study saw that women prefer men who have good-gene indicators like their masculinity, sexiness, good investment indicators like their potential income, useful parenting markers like a desire for home and children, and suitable partner indicators being a loving, trustworthy partner.

Large eyes, prominent cheekbones, a large chin, a big smile, and high-status clothing are considered attractive in a man.

Evidence suggests that women’s physical attractiveness plays a vital role in men’s preferences for a partner than a man’s physical appearance in a woman’s partner choice. However, since the study is old, cultural shifts in priorities are very likely.

A study on American women suggests that women can compromise on their partner’s physical attractiveness favouring resources and other qualities they bring into a relationship.

Research also suggests that those who see themselves as future married homemaker look for a partner who can provide for the household. Anticipated roles can influence mate choices.

Based on a study on heterosexual women, those who rate themselves as very attractive (even though others could disagree) may prefer men with more masculine facial features. The study supports the idea that a woman’s self-judgment of attractiveness plays a role in masculinity preferences.