TRY THE OTHER HANDLE

“Every event has two handles - one by which it can be carried, and one by which it can’t. If your brother does you wrong, don’t grab it by his wronging, because it is the handle incapable of lifting it. Instead, use the other - that he is your brother, that you were raised together, and then you will have hold of the handle that carries.” - Epictetus, ENCHIDIRON, 43

It may have happened to you a time or two, that time when you are in a situation with someone or with something that seems to be going absolutely nowhere despite the fact that you are giving your all to solve it.

Sometimes, the way we try to solve things is exactly the opposite of the way it should be solved. I feel like it is much apparent in relationships, look at the concept of arguments. We as humans LOVE to argue and to shout out loud everything that is not doing good in the relationship. Even when we’re speaking about that special relationship to other people we tend to discuss a lot more of the BAD parts than of the good parts.

Of course, it’s absolutely necessary to speak out loud about the things that are not doing good in your life. But when the whole page’s perfect blank just don’t give energy to the tiny tear in the corner.

Now, I get that it’s way easier to spot the little black dot or the little tear on a page, but relationships are like human tissues. It may be bleeding a lot before the blood stops flooding, and it may take a pad or a bandage to prevent it from flowing. And without it, it’ll blood out for much more time.

That pad is the other handle. The handle that can lift up the relationship out of its dark folded corners, the handle of honest communication, human to human, egos side apart.

And the part I love the most about that subject is that with the help of that great grip it’s much easier to handle anything after that. First, because the weight is divided into two, second because the two parts of the relationship know how to use that handle, and which way to take so that the communication is easy.

Sometimes I feel a bit like Millenials always choose the easy way out of the relationship instead of trying to carry any of the two handles and I really feel like we’re always seeking something new, something that looks good. Not necessarily from the outside, but something that always feels fresh and it’s perfectly okay to be willing for this sometimes but breaking ups (in whatever form they may take) are always something we find very hard to handle and put a lot of energy in.

I’d really like to talk about the relationships between kids and their parents but it’s something quite touchy that I’ve never experienced myself. But from what I see, I feel like sometimes parents are definitely not giving energy to the right handle.

Relationships are just like a muscle sometimes, it’s fibers can be torn apart but it’ll grow stronger than before after healing.

Take a string, with the two extremities representing a member of the relationship. If you cut it, the two extremities will no longer be linked together. And if, and only if, the two parts are willing to repair the string, then the string will be condensed with a node in its center, and both parts will be closer than ever.

Thanks a lot for reading the entire post, I hope you liked it.

As usual, you can contact me on twitter @JBDX_ if you liked the article or if you just want to talk about it. Don’t hesitate to contact me for anything.

Tomorrow’s post will be called “Listening accomplishes more than speaking”, so for all of that, and more, see you tomorrow :)