Toxic People

I’ve been seeing a lot of my friends post on social media about walking away from toxic people in their life. "Cleaning their friend's" list you could say. Such reasons as breakups and having to walk away from your mutual friends. Breakups are hard enough without those friends wanting to tell you everything other person is up to or taking sides perhaps. I know after my divorce I had to cut a lot of people out.

Sometimes you even have to walk away from family. That cousin with addictions that you tried so hard to help, but they just wouldn’t accept your help. Perhaps they lied to you all the time about getting better and your heart just can’t take it anymore. So, you have to walk away. It's not because you don’t love them anymore, it's because you must love yourself more. This of course is just one scenario. I'm not saying don't try and help, but there is only so much you can do before it starts to destroy you as well. I have a cousin with addictions. I tried to help her with rides to appointments, or a place to stay some nights. She always stole from me. She'd take money, jewelry, CDs and DVDs. I decided to no longer help her. She was too toxic for me.

I have also had to walk away from a very close friend not too long ago in my life. It was sad to do, but it was a must. We’ve had fallouts in the past, but we always got through them. This time I wasn’t making amends. She tried to sabotage my promotion at work, and get other coworkers to stop talking to me. I know this is one of the reasons friends shouldn’t work together, but she helped get me the job. I was exceeding past her role, and maybe she didn’t like that. Jealousy is called the green monster for a reason. I no longer wanted to play her games. 10 plus year friendship that I had to walk away from. Do I miss her? Yes, but I know it was the right decision.

Sometimes you don’t need to walk away. It all depends on the situation. I have family members that I stopped confiding in because they always go for negative answers. I’m not saying they don’t want to see me succeed. It's just their doubts that can sometimes hold me back. They go straight for all the reasons that will go wrong, or that I can’t do instead of encouraging me to give it a try. You want cheerleaders in your life. So, depending on the situation sometimes you need to walk away and sometimes you just need to step back on certain conversations. It also doesn’t mean forever. Especially when that toxic person is struggling through something. They may get better, and then you could look at rebuilding that relationship again.

So, how do you know if you've encountered a toxic friendship or relationship?

Here are 7 signs of a toxic person:

- You’re feeling emotionally exhausted after the encounter with them

- They try to intimidate you to get their way

- They try to control you by guilt-tripping

- They are easily jealous

- They constantly see themselves as a victim

- They give backhanded compliments

- They are overly defensive

(7 signs referenced from Webmd.com)

So, if someone makes you feel like your not awesome, or tries to control you, guilt-trip you constantly to get their way, or brings the drama. Walk away! Life is just too short. You deserve a healthy mental life.

One of my favourite phrases is "Don’t let anyone dull your sparkle". Write that down and never forget it. Shine on my friends, Shine on!