Tough Battles?

The claim: everyone’s fighting a tough battle we know nothing about.

The offer: be kind; we’re all out here simply trying to make it.

The argument: I don’t buy it. At least not all of it.

I'm wrestling with this one. Let's go down the checklist.

Whether I sit in the comfort of my living room with family or take a vacation in the middle of my personal hell, I agree that we all have our hidden battles. There's no disagreement there.

On a side note, I've spent a good portion of my life trying to convince people to talk about these battles. The outcome is usually "I don't have to tell anyone" or "it's no one's business".

Fair point, granted your personal problems aren't bleeding into your daily interactions.

If they are, and you're not talking about it, you're cheating yourselves. That's the last thing I'll say about that.

In any case, I completely support the idea of showing kindness toward one another when it's feasible. No real argument there either.

I'm watching people though...

...And it seems like some aren't open to compassion or understanding, which are vital to developing one's patience.

Needless to say, if patience isn't exercised - meaning grown in scope - then what little we have is gone far too quickly in times of actual need.

In these modern times, some people are addicted to living a drama-filled life. Tune in to your favorite media outlet to confirm this. People will argue about anything.

For example: how their favorite coffee shop gave them a cup that's too hot.

Instead of asking for a cooler cup or a couple of ice cubes, they have to create a GoFundMe asking for help to deal with the permanent scarring their egos suffered.

In other words, a "problem" with an otherwise simple solution is now a global catastrophe that needs to "go viral" because attention heals all wounds. Not to mention: lawsuits, baby.

I'm definitely biased since I'm not a fan of legal battles, regardless of the prize involved.

My criticism here is that these people are bored, unaccomplished, and lack discernment. These are the kind of people who get off on the thought of complicating their lives and the lives of others around them by creating problems where there aren’t any.

Now hold up, I love giving people the benefit of the doubt.

Maybe they DO have some recent, unresolved and possibly even unidentified trauma that prevents them from figuring out how to express themselves.

But when your "rough day" excuse had lasted for months, even years, that should raise some concerns. Don't you think?

I know not everyone is like this, but they're really pushing it now.

If it's not one thing it's another.

At this point, being outraged is like a drug. Drama outside of entertainment makes the dopamine receptors in these reptiles go wild. I've noticed they get even more excited when they're the protagonists of their manufactured "tragedies."

Thanks to the internet, they can double up on their instant gratification by filming their “encounters” and receiving virtual validation from people they’ll probably never meet.

And the cycle continues.

So again, yes, we're all hurting. I don’t believe everyone wants to really heal though.

I'm doing my best to not come off as insensitive to those who genuinely feel there's something different about them and can't truly help themselves.

Just know my sights are set on a different kind of beast. But hey, if the shoe fits...

I'll Do It Myself Culture

A good portion of us is fortunate enough to live in one of the best times to find answers to just about any problem related to mental and emotional health.

Assuming all of your other basic needs are met: food, shelter, financial stability, a sense of purpose, etc. then you should be able to find help when you need it and offer help if you're able to.

For the sake of the argument, let's say you don't have these needs met.

Let's say you just got fired, broke off a relationship, or experienced the death of a loved one. These are some of the greater tragedies in life.

Well, what are the solutions?

For work, search a job board or ask friends for referrals. Yes, this involves pounding the pavement and sweating a bit, it's not easy but it's a start. If it means putting your dreams on hold to have food on the table, then so be it.

Death, loss, and mourning. Most communities I know of offer some form of free counseling. Go to church. Meditate. Explore "self-care" whatever that means to you, so long as it isn't completely destructive. Be the pillar of support for the rest of your family. (Symbols of strength? Anyone?)

There are many options to look through before taking out your frustrations on anyone and everyone who is in your vicinity just because "you're not in the mood".

Your mood has nothing to do with anyone but you. If it isn't a 'good' or at the very least a 'neutral' mood, then I don't want it.

Product Of Your Surroundings? Hmm.

I hear this a lot also.

Yes, other things and people can make your current mood worse.

You're entitled to feel angry, upset, sad, etc.

It's how you express that anger, sadness, or frustration that you're responsible for watching closely. So if you're going to scream, do it into a pillow, not someone's face.

Ugh, I know. Self-control and discipline, right? All these rules!

Alright, I'll bite. You're having s rough day. You decide to go for a burger and a beer to relax. The bartender is rude and inattentive. Gets your order wrong, charges your card the wrong price, and so on and so forth.

Going off on them won't solve your original problem.

Will it help you release some steam? Sure, but at what cost?

You probably run across them outside of working hours and they don't care to forgive your actions. Maybe they're twice as hot-tempered as you and want to retaliate.

The risk to reward, in my opinion, just isn't worth the trouble in a lot of cases.

The kind of people I'm talking about won't see things from this angle. Everything has to be turned into a grand display of who's tougher or who's in the right.

Behind that veil, I believe what they really like is the sensation of picking at their scabs.

Even then, the outcry remains the same. "Mental health this, mental health that."

What exactly does that mean?

Are we to say that mental health is unavailable, unaffordable, or unsavory? As in, when it’s both available and affordable, it’s not exactly the pill that troubled people want to swallow in order to help themselves.

I'm beginning to think it's the third one.

Because it’s easier to justify mistreating others by saying you’re having a “rough day” than it is to carry your cross and leave others out of it.

Sounds unhealthy.

I still continue to believe most people are intelligent enough to see when something is good for them. For a while now, I've failed to understand why people insist on being difficult.

It's a clear sign of arrogance and an affinity for reckless disobedience. It's not a sustainable way of life. All it's doing is hardening your hearts and expediting your doom.

My Suggestion

If you're also tired of dealing with insufferable, narcissistic, ill-behaved people, here's a thought.

It won't take years of therapy, endless cocktails of medications, or any pilgrimage to "find oneself". Starting to cure this global disease is actually as easy as employing good manners.

You know: good day, please, thank you, etc.

It's not rocket surgery. It's a daily habit that's virtually free of charge, and easy to form in 21 days or less. Believe it or not, it actually prevents most conflicts.

The reason this works is simple: it takes minimal effort and has explosively positive results. So why aren't more people doing this? What excuse could you possibly have to not present yourself well in a basic exchange with someone else?

Parents didn't teach you good manners? No problem, you can still teach yourself.

Can't teach yourself? No problem, ask a friend or professional for help.

Don't care to socialize or work on your personal problems? Then don't go outside.

For real, stay indoors.

Order your favorite food, put on a movie, and shut up for 2 hours.

Or at least until the piss and vinegar exit your liver.

Whatever you do, stop with the excuses that "it's just not your day" or "you're going through it".

If you truly believed we're all out here trying to 'make it', then you would do your absolute best to not treat others as if they weren't. Don't add to the existing weight that people carry on their shoulders.

That's what people of exemplary character do. And because I believe that to be you, that's the standard I'll hold you to.

You don't need to be a certified public speaker or jump through ridiculous hoops to show courtesy or kindness.

Now get out there and practice it.

Godspeed.