Tories Time Is Over and Out

Beg my pardon Ladies and Gentleman, but it comes to pass I’m beckoned to write with a fight. In all due respect I’m old school. My manners are refined, yet I have great wit with a somewhat satirical underpass.

Speaking from London, live. Within this electronic source of technology. We, who are suckers to be stuck in this ‘ gone bananas land .must lift one’s old school rules and jolly well ‘ break a leg’ ( a show business expression). Therefore, please bear the brunt of my grunting herewith. I have to be absolutely frank to the point. We will all dance to Frank Sinatra ‘ New York, New York ‘ later. Not that I’ve a blinking clue while New York comes to mind ? Oh, I get it we’ve always been rather pally with the Americans. It’s all down to the bucking moments. Bucks, I adhere to.

Once we’ve skinnned Boris Johnson. I wouldn’t personally find his British flesh appetising. I’d much rather pick up a burger. Now, that’s saying something. Be it I’m a vegetarian. Oddly enough since I personally picked up my daily running torture programme a wee bit, I have a mixture of Celtic genes. My Scottish emotionally furious broth is over boiling.

I emptied a high up on the top wall kitchen cupboard this morning to ‘ get real’ for the monsters Christmas lunch. Don’t panic I won’t overeat. I’ve only one monster arriving next week.

Santa Clause rang my door bell this morning. I was still snoring as I’m still in jail in a crime cartel story I’m writing for a new book deal. It’s all happening here.

Now don’t get your knickers in a twist, I fortunately can tell you all. It’s in my imagination room.

The cartel crew.

Back to business in the real world up-down shake it all about . Well , whatever you have to shake.My assets are doing considerably well. Considering I’m well over the hill, but I’m old school and a truly very British girl who still pops out in hair rollers to the local newsagent, like they do in Liverpool. Those northerners pick up a gag while they puff a fag before they serve their eggs over easy.

One tends to think northern hills on this dull London weekend morning. I’ve actually got to hit the road to do a double running high speed racing car move. Indeed, I’m left a castle in a Mackenzie’s will, oh didn’t you know ? No, neither did I ? We’ll pick up on my estate later. Food for thought.

Back to point, please don’t allow my humour to lead you down a false garden path. We must take a jolly firm hand here in the green hills of England.

Get your eyes tested folks if you cannot see with your own eyes, whether they’re blue, bloodshot red from last nights boogie on that dance floor. You thought I wouldn’t notice. I hope you remembered your covid free pass’. Free, free of what? You god damn stinking lot of hypocritical blue stained morons. We’re not all your cows. Follow the herd? In my dreams. I’d rather pose naked on Playboy magazine. I withdrew from the offer some years ago, you know from Hugh Hefner. I believe that was the big boss name. Of playboy, I mean.

Well, as I’m a mother of five British born kids. Now well above the age whereupon any social worker can steal my children. On that point I’ve got a scandal to show up those jerks on the way soon. They all want to eat your children. Dead or alive. Indeed wait for my pen to bleed, on that count. Take five. now back to political points.

Do excuse me a moment I just had to skip hop jump to the door. It went ping pong. Oh it’s Santa, he had to do a running skip, hop, jump at my yacht. Well, I was given a yacht to put my bikini on later to pose on for a magazine . If the sun shines through Londons cloudy skies. We would be so lucky. Get luckies song is quite one to boogie to.

Regarding the yacht, It’s loaned to me by a captain from my local yacht club. No strings attached except for the sails.

Yes, Santa went ping ping pong he was wearing a red sparkling thong without trousers . I said ‘ aren’t you cold in the lower department’s?’ Santa said ‘ it’s got wifi heating down under’ I said ‘ wow, heated thongs, did I miss something on Amazon Santa ?’ Santa replies’ Oh, no you never. It gets rather warm swimming around under the moon for so many hours so I thought I’d ask my elves to create a lingerie brand ‘. I said ‘ I see I will keep my eyes peeled on Amazon’.

In the meantime, Santa handed me a box. I peeped in the top . How exciting, it’s from my rockstar son. Oh, yes he’s frightfully organised about special occasions. Even though he’s up on stage nine playing live by the tide In Southampton. I once had a one night stand near that band stand, oh it was donkeys years ago. We’ll save that scandal one nighter for later. It’s in my little black book, for another story. I didn’t mean to get you off the hook from the current political scandal occurring in the land of red, white and blue.

We’ve been hung by the French. Literately on the guilletine. No british passport holder can cross the border. It’s not only due to the fish fight.

If you steal my sweets I’ll steal yours. Pict for pact. They’ll all be groaning while moaning on the golf course right now.

Now we’ve regained our territorial disposition in countryside quarters, over here. Liberal Democrats will have been having one too many. Excuse me I’ve got to go spend a penny . A British term of ‘ running to the lavatory ‘.

Back soon with number two of ‘ Tories Time Is Over And Out ‘.

Please keep your eyes on the ball now Boris.I’ve got a mouse to catch, it’s all your fault !

Yvette Louise Melech

Copyright

December 2021