Overcoming the People Pleaser Within

Have you ever said yes to everyone else's needs while neglecting your own? That was my reality for far too long. It took me years to realise that I was trapped in the cycle of people-pleasing, leaving me drained, resentful, and disconnected from being my authentic self.

Understanding Root causes

I delved deep to understand the root causes of my people-pleasing tendencies. It wasn't just about making others happy; it was driven by my fear of rejection, a desperate need for acceptance, and rock-bottom self-esteem stemming from past experiences and trauma responses. Recognising these underlying emotions and beliefs was crucial for breaking free from the people-pleaser mindset.

Recognising Patterns

Recognising the patterns was the first step to my liberation. I began noticing situations where I felt pressured to say yes, even when I wanted to decline. Whether taking on extra work or attending events I was not interested in, I could see the unhealthy pattern once I started paying attention.

In the past, I would say yes to everything, regardless of my feelings or desires. I believed that constantly pleasing others would make me feel happier and more accepted. However, I soon realised that this behaviour left me drained and disconnected from my authentic self. It was a gradual but essential realisation that helped me break free from the people-pleasing cycle and prioritise my well-being.

Setting Boundaries

Learning to set boundaries was a challenging yet empowering aspect of my journey. I had to realise that it was okay to prioritise my needs and well-being, even if it meant saying no. Assertiveness didn't come naturally; it was a skill I had to practice. But as I learned to speak up for myself, I began to feel a newfound sense of empowerment.

However, I must admit that being assertive is still a work in progress for me. It can be challenging to assert my needs and desires, especially when I'm accustomed to putting others first. But I'm committed to growth and taking it one step at a time. Slowly but surely, I'm becoming more assertive, reclaiming my voice, and standing up for my beliefs.

NOTE: it is okay to SAY NO! Listen to your body.

Self-compassion

You are your own cheerleader. In a world that often emphasises external validation, it's essential to remember that your most significant source of encouragement lies within yourself. You have the power to uplift and motivate yourself, celebrating your achievements and offering words of encouragement during challenging times. By cultivating a positive and supportive inner dialogue, you can tap into a reservoir of resilience and self-assurance that will carry you through life's obstacles. So, stand tall, cheer yourself on, and remember you can achieve greatness.

Seeking Support

Seeking support was pivotal in my journey. Opening up to understanding friends, family, and therapists allowed me to realise that I wasn't alone in my struggles and that there was indeed hope for a brighter, more authentic future. My therapist's guidance provided invaluable insights and tools for navigating the complexities of my journey. At the same time, my partner's unwavering love and acceptance created a foundation of trust. Similarly, sharing my struggles with friends and family revealed a network of unconditional support and encouragement. Together, their presence illuminated the path toward healing and self-discovery, offering me the courage to confront my challenges and embrace a future filled with hope and possibility.

Conclusion

Overcoming people-pleasing has been one of my life's most challenging but rewarding experiences. I've reclaimed my autonomy by understanding the root causes, recognising the patterns, setting boundaries, practising assertiveness, embracing self-compassion, cultivating self-worth, and seeking support. I am living a more authentic and fulfilling life. And while the journey continues, I know I'm on the right path—and that's enough for now.