To the End and Back Again.

It's not about the destination; it's about the journey — something along those lines. I often found myself quickly dismissing these clichés based on lacking originality. I want nothing more than to seize my destiny, forming my own cliché's. But does it matter? Come to find out, there was more than a grain of truth behind these words. There's a reason people keep saying it, and it doesn’t cant make meaning for ourselves.

While talking about something so simple seems a bit silly, there's the purpose behind this essay beyond simply outlining philosophical concepts. 'The Journey' is riddled with obstacles. Amid the pandemic, many of us are finding it difficult to see what value could possibly be within this nightmare. Strangely, this is the point in my life where I've found the most. I've been forced to dig deep and reintroduce things into my life I may have taken for granted. To fall in love with yourself again sometimes take falling down a bumpy road.

Reflection

As I sit here and write, as I've been for the past several months, I noticed some very significant changes. First off, since the beginning of this mess, I couldn't wait for it to be over. I saw no opportunity or possibilities. While, of course, this illness is dangerous, the media blew this sickness out of proportion. Panic and unrest exploded within the community, especially within the urban centers. Several months in, there were riots to address police brutality and an election to decide if our nation would still be held in the grasp of a bigoted man who believed his name stamped on the world meant he owned it. I was genuinely able to see the things that were both taken for granted and now valued more than ever before. At first, I simply observed as a good anthropologist would do. In the beginning, it was strange objects such as toilet paper filling up shopping carts. This was easy to manage and even a bit humorous. Then it came down to emotions that people may have never felt before — compassion for the world that was, in a sense, crumbling around us.

Living downtown, we could see the effects magnified, compared to our suburban & rural counterparts. Homelessness rose exponentially as a result of evictions. Our allied nations received a much higher stimulus when we received barely enough to cover a month. We were expected to continue working in fear of illness and bringing it home to our loved ones. But let's step away from this daunting reality. It honestly doesn't help much to keep our thoughts geared in that direction. Instead, believe it or not, some positives came out of this. The world, universe, god, or whatever force helps you conceptualize this existence wouldn't have put us in this situation if not to grow from it.

Where did that come from?

During these past few years, despite these controversial restrictions came many benefits. I wouldn't have fallen so far as to have been forced to get up. As alcoholism and drug addiction rose, I only decided to extinguish such a counterproductive lifestyle after soaking in it for months. I was tired of trudging through a mountain of beer cans every morning just to clean up and do it all over again. Lifting myself out of this pit of desperation and quitting feeling sorry for myself based on things I couldn't control was one of the hardest things Iv'e had to do. Now, there has been nothing, NOTHING, that has been able to push me back down. I still fail, but these failures are viewed with less resentment and more wisdom than ever before.

As I look forward to the end of the pandemic, what will change. What will the end even look like? We go back to how things were to do this all over again. As pessimistic as it sounds, there's a lesson here. Of all these things Iv'e said, I was reminded of who I am and who I want to be during these times. Iv'e had time to reflect and grow. To emerge victorious under adverse circumstances and see only what is ahead of me in each moment rather than the unknown future. Iv'e got back into shape beyond what I was even before the pandemic. Each morning I wake up and work on my writing. I find comfort in it beyond what anything else has been able to give me. From struggle, we can find passion, and from passion purpose. Of course, I want this all to be over for my family, friends, and the world, but I hope that many have learned to value something that we've taken for granted. During the moments we experience, there is always something more we can do than wait for the next one.

What can I do to help?

How then can we learn to find benefits in such trying times? I don't have all the answers. I know that not everyone is looking for any from someone they have never met. So ill start with this, a question I try and ask everyone. The first is, what do you do? I don't necessarily mean for a living unless, of course, you love what you do! What do you do, your passions, hobbies, and things that make you happy. If those things are not contained in your answer, ill, ask, well, what do you do now? I had to make gradual shifts toward the former. Did I want to sit in my apartment, feel sorry for myself, and drink? I blame the world for all my problems with a finger always pointed somewhere besides myself. Of course not! No one wants to live in such a despairing reality. And no one else wants to be around it. What can we do to move toward those goals? The end seems so impossible to reach. Honestly, I can't worry about it because I'm not there.

Here, we come back around to our cliché. Let me incorporate the word 'we' here a little more than I'm used to, though feel free to discard anything that may not apply. Maybe we need to write it again so people like me will listen. We find many obstacles on the journey down our path, some of which we run into together. Instead of thinking about what we have to do, let's take some time to do the things we want. Ask the question again whether you want to melt on the couch for 8 hours a day watching TV. Then ask again, is that REALLY what you want? Will pausing your Netflix show and learning a few guitar chords be that bad? Perhaps even within the things, we may not believe we want to do now also has a path within itself.

Emerge Victoriously

Recently I read Dr. Viktor Frankl, whose journey in the concentration camps didn’t completely extinguish his faith. Many he saw perish gave up. That’s it; they just gave up fighting and lost the will to live. There is a reason he survived. He found that thinking about leaving the concentration camps didn’t do much but cause mental anguish. Then he broke down to living in each moment, finding value in even the smallest morsel of good faith, even from the enemy. While this extreme example may not fit our context here in a superficial sense, the reality comes down to see what we can do with what we got. I know I've developed new interests that I never thought about having in the recent past. Take it from him or me if you want; even the worst situations can bring value. If it weren’t for his fight to the end, I would have never read his book and learned these valuable lessons. So remember, you never know how your journey will unfold. Stick it out to the end, whatever that may be, and things will work out if you want them to, even if it doesn’t feel like it now. We are in this together!