To the man I divorced:
I’ve been talking about you lately, and it made me think. First, this is going to be the weirdest, less typical, and frankly probably the most awkward post yet, but I have to address it to you. It’s been a long time since the last time we talked normally. Honestly, I can say for all the time we spend together, you were my best friend. We didn’t have a lot in common, but we were content. You were never mean to me, actually you were a great supporter, and believed in myself. We had difficult times, but we were always together. We grew together, but also apart. Because of you, I got to experience different things and vice versa. You knew me well. So much so, that you decided how to play your cards in order for me to never try to find you again. Props to you. A lot of people might have underestimated you, but I knew you were smart. You saw what I couldn’t see. That was, we didn’t belong together. Maybe inside all my stubbornness that characterizes who I really am, I didn’t see it. You did. That’s why you decided to let me go.
After three years of you telling me our life together was coming to an end, I sit here at 1 AM typing this blog. I can not really describe how I felt when I heard you say we were done. I think I felt like my dreams were shattered. Did MY dreams depend on you? It doesn’t matter what I thought. Nor is the purpose of this writing to bash you. I just felt the need to write to you, maybe for the last time.
You know, it is very difficult to talk badly about you. I have before, and I am truly sorry, but as you know, I am impulsive. I say things. I am always right; I have the last word. I do what I want, when I want, regardless. I am proud, I am selfish. I am wild, loud. I was not like that at one point in my life. I was kind, lovable, shy. I had crazy goals and dreams. In these past years, I was able to get in touch with my old self. I worked on myself, and I think I’ve created the perfect balance between my bad and ugly, and the greatness in me. I’ve invested time on myself, in new experiences. I’ve learned new things, got new skills. I’ve done many things on my own that I would never think I could accomplish. All because of you.
I know this is strange. Trust me, I feel it. I am even confused about if I really should be typing this in. Writing has always been my outlet. I just don’t know how to do it any other way, but after working on myself for these years, I am truly happy right now. I had to use all this time to find my real self, and work on being a better version of it. Every day, I wake up and I want to be a better person than I was the previous day. Did I think like that before? Maybe not. Maybe I was too worried about the next best thing. About the luxuries. Maybe I was kind of empty? I wouldn’t know, that person is long gone. I grew to be stronger, wiser. Now I really get to be the dreamer that sees no boundaries. I don’t know why I set myself some limits before, but now I have none. I think I really cared what others thought of me. Not anymore. Now I am even more confident that I can be whoever I want to be, even if it is frowned upon.
Did I say thanks for setting me free?
If not, Thank you.
Thanks for letting me go to find myself. For allowing me to find complete happiness. You knew I could do it on my own. You know I would be alright.
I am writing to you in a week that I always sit back and analyze my life. What did I do this past year? What do I have to improve? It is the prelude to my birthday, the beginning of my new year of life. I am the one known for paying too much attention to this day. This year, it is different. I get to share this day with someone else. It is not all about me, for once!
I guess I had three years to realize what truly matters in life. I also used that time to figure out what I want in life. Not only that, but I found all I ever wanted in a person. Literally but accidentally found my soulmate. I know it might be hard to believe, but I found him. Everything is beautiful. Yes, I’ve become one of those stupid people that believes in love and the happily every after. I didn’t just find a boyfriend (he hates that term, by the way) I found my life partner. The one who is absolutely perfect for me. Thank you for letting me go so I could find him!
Now, make sure you do the same. I don’t know what you believe in anymore, but be happy. Do whatever you want to do. Live however you want to live. At the end, that it is all it matters. Most importantly, YOU DESERVE IT.