Tinder

Love is always in the air! Or at least the smoldering remains of it. What’s more inviting than the stench of one-night stands, breakups, and desperation? Forget E-Harmony or face-to-face dating—who needs to invest in relationships? What better way to find “the one” than getting the old but trendy location-based social Tinder app? No, this isn’t an advertisement, but it can’t hurt to tell (and sometimes exaggerate) the truth. Anyone who has come in contact with this masterpiece is sure to tell some crazy stories. From stalkers following others to work, men calling for blowjobs, or random girls requesting to swing in hammocks in the middle of the woods (that’s not an exaggeration), Tinder expands your horizons and your fiery horror stories. But when you’re a young, ambitious millennial, any reckless adventure will do, especially when you only have to worry about yourself because you’re as single as a dollar bill. I mean, try new things, right?

Tinder is simply addicting—forget the ongoing misery you get with each failed encounter, and revel in the newest match you just got! It’s almost like a drug. From clever profiles saying they are six feet and four inches (separate measurements, of course) to men holding bones in profile pictures asking, “Do you want it,” you’ll meet all sorts of people with foxy ways of thinking and may even find the one. But not everyone on Tinder are desperate like characters in the sims trying to “WooHoo,” though it is nice playing God in a digital world. So, why wouldn’t it be great throwing down judgement based on a simple profile, swiping left or right as you please? The app is a great way to meet new and old friends, desperate mothers, douche bags, and maybe even possible predators. After being on it for so long, you’ll find yourself recognizing strangers on the street from their Tinder profiles because, oh, you two were once “A Match!”

It is said that Tinder became a gateway dating app. That is an understatement. Tinder became a gateway for dating, friendships, and booty calls because people are afraid to haul themselves into a bar, deliver crappy pick up lines, and fish out a catch. These apps are perfect for the loners who live in an empty apartment through their phones. If they are going to have their eyes glued to a tiny screen any, why not glue it tighter with a chance of love? Light their fires, and their egos when they finally see that there is another loner out there for them.

This groundbreaking system of strange networking is so popular, even Family Guy took on the fun in the episode “The Dating Game.” The “location-based social search mobile app” is sure to change how people meet. It is surely meant to create communications of mutual interested people, but instead creates horror stories than it does passionate love stories, but that’s all a part of the fun! Whenever you see “It’s a Match,” it is a gamble. You’ll be taking a risk on who you decide to give your heart to. With this glorious app abused or well utilized by horny men and women, you may go through relationships like Elizabeth Taylor. But, does that really matter? Look at the new match you received! Let’s just hope this one doesn’t fizzle out like the rest.

(Thank you all for reading. This has been satiric writing practice for me. I really love comedy, and it just so happens that I’ve been hearing a lot of horror stories about Tinder. So, I thought I’d give this article a whirl. So, thank you!)

Edited by: Juel Aaron